How many items do we need to store on the dashboards of our cars?

When I came out of the breakfast joint I frequent on Saturdays there was an old Lincoln parked right there in front of the door. In front of the restaurant, they have some tables you can eat at, I have never seen anyone eating there but we do sit at them before and after eating while solving the problems of the world. As me and buddies sat there working on issues of global importance I noticed that on the dash of that Lincoln were a great number of items, so we turned our attention to that problem. I guess for some folks it would not be considered a problem but for someone who cannot stand ANYTHING on my dash I saw it as a problem. I am not sure when, exactly, I came to the conclusion that nothing belongs on my car. However I do remember after being rear ended in the mid 80’s and having debris flying from my dash all over me and my passengers, cutting my face in the process and am sure that is what lead me to not store items there. So not storing anything on the dash is a phobia I own and I do not impose my phobia on others, if they want to store their lives in their dash I do not care, I will however comment on it.

This guy took storing items on the dash to a whole new level, the most prominent item on his dash was a loaf of rye bread that looked a few weeks old, barely suitable for bird feed was what I thought. I did not realize how big the dash on a mid 80’s Lincoln was until I started examining this one. One item in particular indicated to me that storing items on the dash was not a new hobby for this fellow. That item was a tassel from a high school graduation, the year on the tassel was 1971. He graduated from high school 38 years ago and still had the tassel, I graduated in 1983 and I do not even know where my diploma is but this guy has the tassel from his mortarboard and better yet he still has it hanging in his car. Another item that caught my attention was the bobble head doll, it was standing stoically overlooking a mass of confusion and standing alongside items ranging from at least 38 years to the relatively new loaf of bread. I could not tell who the bobble head was supposed to be, the sunlight had long since faded all the coloring from the thing, it was mostly white and blue but that was all I could tell.

As I scanned other items on this dash, I also noticed a yellowed newspaper from the day after President Barack Obama was elected, in November, this is April. At least he was keeping a piece of history, whether you voted for him or not his election was historic. I also noticed what looked like unopened envelopes that had been there so long the ink was completely faded away, might have been bills he did not want to pay. It appeared that he also collected pet rocks as he had seven of them scattered across the dash. They were seemingly plain old ordinary stones that may each have held memories for him from different events in his life, who knows. I also saw many candy bar wrappers and found that he liked Butterfinger and Three musketeers bars. They all appeared empty and flat but one of the musketeer bar wrappers may have still had a bar in it that melted over and over again until it was almost completely flattened out. I could not get over the loaf of bread so I was trying to see the “sell by” date in an attempt to determine the exact age. A loaf of old bread, what was this about, I kept asking myself.

So further scans of the dash turned up other items as well, there was also a cup holder glued there with a Styrofoam cup in it, there were magazines, auto traders and other periodicals. I had seen the guy there before and knew he lived close by, sometimes he rode his scooter to breakfast but to look at the dash of his car you would think he lived in that car. You can only imagine what items might be lurking all over the inside of his car, I mean if the bread is on the dash you can imagine what was on the floor and seats let alone in the trunk. I could not see any part of the actual dash, not one square centimeter was visible through the protective layer of items. AHA - Maybe that was it, maybe it was designed as a dash cover to protect the dash from fading and cracking. I have seen expensive custom-made units designed to protect the dash, maybe this was a lower cost alternative to one of those. I concluded that was probably not the case. I was going to stay and wait until he came out to inquire about some of the items he had stored there but had too many errands to run so I let it go. Well I did not completely let it go because here I am talking about it, anyway I think I have let it go now and gotten it all out of my system.

What is the weirdest item you keep on your dash?