Road Rage, why are we so impatient to get to work, it is work for Pete’s sake?

Road rage is something I just do not understand, not sure why but I guess I am never in that big of a hurry, to get to work. Living the in a large city for the last 20 years has taught me that no matter how big of a hurry you might be in, the city will conspire against you. I can't remember being in a hurry, for anything in my life, let alone driving someplace, bottom line is only one of two things, I am on time or I am not. I do not see why either of those options should cause me to get so angry that my head glows red. That can’t be healthy, bad for blood pressure, bad for attitude, bad for maintaining balance in your life, bad for those innocent people who may be in the car with you. One truth I have learned is that I do not make rational decisions when I am upset, most people don’t so why would you put yourself in that situation when you have a 2000 pound weapon wrapped around yourself?

I have found a balance in my life that has allowed me to regulate the high’s and low’s and maintain a peaceful contentment. I rarely get pissed at people or inanimate objects, such the traffic cone I saw I guy hit the other day in a construction zone right before he went apoplectic. That cone is an inanimate object that was just sitting there, long before zippy pulled up and got it stuck under his car. This guy was furious, at the cone, at his car and at me as I eased by smiling at what a beautiful day it was. If a traffic cone has the ability to ruin this guys day what must the rest of his life be like. We all know people like this, there whole life is out of control and they treat people like zippy there in the construction zone was treating that cone, I did see in my rear view the cone flying over to the side of the road. That was helpful to all the other motorists coming behind him, although I am positive that other motorists where not on his mind. I have found one constant truth about road rage, the more expensive the car, the more intense the reaction to things that impede that persons progress.

As early as 1987, radiologists in the United States were working to certify road rage as a mental embalancement, what! I found that it is an official mental disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. According to an article published by the Associated Press in June 1998, the behaviors typically associated with road rage are the result of intermittent explosive disorder. The cause of intermittent explosive disorder has not been described to date. There are many different views on whether "road rage" is a mental issue or not. However, whether it is or isn't, there are many alternative solutions for overcoming this handicap. Many alternative solutions to overcoming this handicap, WTFO!! I should be amazed, but am not, that our society can take something as simple as someone being a prick while driving and turn it into a handicap. The fact we use the word handicap to talk about road rage is offensive to me, it is not a handicap! A marine losing his leg in Iraq or someone being born without sight is handicapped, not some knuckle head who cannot control his anger, like a spoiled two year old.

I think this problem is more systemic than just when the knuckleheads are in their cars, stupid angry people are everywhere. We have all seen the pissed off person behind the guy who has 38 items in the express lane. Why is it that people think they need to be such a hurry, they seem to want more and have less patience for obstacles that may slow their progress, even if for a moment. I for one am a people watcher and I enjoy watching people when they are in a stressful (for them) situations. You can get a read of exactly what kind of person someone is when watching how they react to stress. So what is it that makes in such a hurry and so impatient? I am not sure, impatience is a weird thing, the definition, according to Merriam Webster is. 1 a: not patient : restless or short of temper especially under irritation, delay, or opposition b: intolerant 1 2: prompted or marked by impatience 3: eagerly desirous : anxious . I am thinking that we all just need to relax a bit and let it go, whatever it is – let it go.

What is the angriest you have gotten on the road?

I love old jalopies for a lot of reasons, anything newer than about 1970 is to computerized up for me.

I have had many old cars over my life, in the beginning because that was what I could afford. I have owned two brand new cars in between old jalopies, one was a 1989 F150 XLT Lariat ½ ton in blue and white. I drive that one for 165 thousand miles over the 10 years I owned it. After it I had a 70 GMC pickup truck while I was waiting for my 1999 F-150 Lariat with the 5.4 liter engine and step side to come in, I ordered it with every available option. While the leather captains chairs and wonderful ride were nice I longed for another jalopy. Just when I started thinking about it one of my best friends calls me and tells me he just bought a 1969 GMC ½ ton custom on ebay, this was in 2000. He was going to fly to Memphis to get it and drive it back. I convinced him we should find a trailer and go get it ourselves, which we did. It was not long before we took the engine out and he had it rebuilt, a strong 350 with 4 bolt mains. By this time the bug was set and a for sale sign went into the window.

I bought a beater 1966 GMC pickup truck, it was rough, the body needed help, the engine had some burned valves and the brakes were shot, a great project truck I thought. It took me a month to get it in working order, pulled the head and had hardened valves seats and replaced the entire steering system as well as changing to front disk brakes and making them power assisted is where I started. After it was road worthy I quickly realized that here in Florida I needed AC, for less than 1000 bucks (more than I paid for the truck) I had air conditioning that would run you out from the cold. I drove that truck for about 8 years and put close to 80,000 miles on it. The old bomber got about 19 miles to gallon and was a very reliable albeit UGLY truck. So ugly in fact that one day I got home and my wife asked me for the keys and title, she donated it. I still miss that truck.

My next jalopy was a 1958 Ford Ranchero, or their station wagon with the back roof cut off which is what it actually is. This car was in pretty good shape but needed some work. I had this one on the road as a daily driver within a week or two. I drive it everyday it aint broke, which when you drive a 51 year old car everyday it is broken a lot. Recently someone told me my brake lights were not working, hollered it out his window to me actually. Upon future investigation I found that unlike every other car I have owned that have an electrical switch to turn the brake lights on this car has a pressure switch by the master cylinder that when the brakes are applied it clicks the switch. No worries though, NAPA had 8 in stock and at 6 bucks it was a bargain repair. It helps a lot to have the tools and know how to work on the older cars, I do not think the economics work if you have to pay someone to do the work for you but to date I have not had to do that so for me it is still very economical to keep and drive them.


That repair is indicative of most repairs to old jalopies, cheap and easy. My tune up includes a set of points and condenser and can be done for about 25 bucks and that includes new plugs and distributor cap. It takes me about 20 minutes to perform the task, dialing the points in is the most time consuming part of the job. Now compare that to my Brides mini van, the tune up on it costs me about 500 bucks, for a tune up – yikes. Now it only needs that tune up every 100,000 miles as compared to my jalopy which likes a little tune up love about every 10-12 months. On her van it is such a complicated process that I could not even do it myself, they had to pull the entire top of the engine off to get to the rear plugs. CRAZY I say! My car has one single barrel Holley carburetor and the rebuild kit is 38 bucks and takes about 30 minutes to rebuild. The van has 6 injectors that are expensive and of course need special, expensive, tools to replace them.

With the internet parts are so readily available it surprises even me. Any part I may need from the seal on the overdrive transmission (4 bucks) to the emergency brake cable (35 bucks) to the brake light switch I got at NAPA for 6 bucks. I have had this current jalopy for almost three years and have had to do a lot of work to it but you know what, the amount of money I have spent still does not even come close to what a car payment would be. My next project is to rebuild all of the steering and front suspension which will be replacing everything from control arm bushing to tie rod ends to ball joints. I am thinking when I got it torn apart I will convert it to front disk brakes as well. All of those parts are still only about 1300 bucks and I can do the work myself. If I can find the correct front end specs my local Goodyear will perform the front end alignment for 100 bucks. The older cars are so cheap to maintain, I do experience repairs that normal new cars never see, how often have you replace the control arm bushing in your car. Because the car is so old some of these repairs seem extreme to most but when put into comparison to car payments it is still more economical to reuse an old car than buying new ones all the time.

So one of the coolest reasons to drive an old jalopy is the instant friends and conversation you get. Once Bride and I were having dinner at the beach, seafood obviously, and when we came out three guys were holding their wives up while they were going over my car with a fine tooth comb. Questions like what year, what engine, and how much work is it are the norm. My Bride says she feels like a movie star when we go anywhere in my car, she even has a pair of extra dark sunglasses that she wears when in it. You also get to go to car shows, they are not all about absolutely perfect cars which mine is not. It has lots of flaws, mostly I see them but they are flaws non the less.

So what is your car payment and what do you pay annually for maintenance?

So today I finish as Ms. Oatmeal experiencing “as seen on television” products

So I finished all my personal grooming after a quick ouch up with my “Flowbee” the revolutionary home haircutting system that cuts my hair evenly with recessed blades and trims it precisely. The results are a refreshing vacuum haircut. I am now ready to start getting dressed. I first retrieve my bra from the “Bra Baby”, that incredible little gadget that saves money and makes bras last much longer, it saves time, no more hand washing and it keeps bras clean and looking like new, wash after wash. It has eliminated ripped lace, twisted underwire, tangled straps, or crushed padding on all of my bras. Once I have spent $20, $40, or even $60 for a single bra, I did not want to toss it in the washing machine where it will get ruined. The answer to all my bra woes, the Bra Baby! Once I get my Bra on I reach for the “Strap Perfect”, I have found that it gives my cleavage a firm and youthful lift. The custom fit flatters me in any outfit and gives a beautiful instant boost to my silhouette. I have found that my “Inflatable Husband”, who is a low maintenance partner for a stress free, easy life, really likes the Strap Perfect because it redistributes the weight from my chest and guides my shoulders back for more perfect posture. He says with a lift like that he thinks I look at least one cup size bigger! My Inflatable Husband is otherwise totally silent, this big hunk of love has eyes only for me. That's right, no wandering eyes, ogling other women, and general bad behavior and he floats, is always faithful, never breaks wind, doesn't watch football, and is always willing to please. I then apply “Dream Lips”, the vitamin-enriched conditioner that softens my lips and diminishes fine lines. Dream Lips works to help make my lips appear plump and fuller and I can even wear Dream Lips under my lipstick as it won't effect how the lipstick goes on or the color.

I then slip into my “Slimming shapers”, the slimming Shaper instantly make me look pounds thinner, with smooth, toned, sexy curves in all the right places. I have found that unlike other shapers, Slimming Shapers firm all my trouble areas, from under my bra to above my knees, for completely comfortable control. I no longer worry about those unsightly bumps and bulges because with Slimming Shaper I feel sexy, beautiful and confident even in the clinging knits. Before getting the rest of my clothes on, I quickly and easily apply some “Salon Bronze Sunless Airbrush Tanning Spray”. I find Salon Bronze is the perfect sunless tanning system that gives me a deep, natural tan that can't be washed away. I enjoy a gorgeous tan without harmful UV rays by simply using the even-mist applicator. After a quick straightening of my hair with the Maxiglide Hair Straightening Iron, Straightening hair has never been easier by the way, I reach up to my “Hollywood Purse Hook” that keeps my “Buxton Bag” off the floor. Immediately I am thankful that the convenient, strong, portable hanging system has a nonslip grip. I look longingly at my “Purse Brite Organizer”, the lighted purse organizer that comes with 10 expandable and retracting pockets for my keys, glasses, checkbook, cell phone, makeup, mints, mirror, coupons, business cards, credit cards, pens, sunglasses, pills, personal items, etc. When I combined it with the Buxton Bag I found I could expand on the already very impressive Buxton over shoulder organizer, the all-in-one over shoulder sling bag that holds it all! It already featured an abundance of spacious pockets and compartments for organizing personal items, travel gear, make-up, CDs, cell phone, mp3 player, and GPS navigation devices.

So out to the kitchen I go to make breakfast for the kids and I immediately break out the “Bacon Genie”, that stylish, dishwasher safe, cooking tool designed to hang bacon vertically while cooking, 12 delicious crispy bacon strips at a time. I also pull out my “Bagel Biter”, the best guillotine bagel slicer cutter on the market today. I am impressed with the safety first approach, I never worry about cutting myself, it is also top shelf dishwasher safe and has a non stick coated blade for easy slicing & easy cleaning. After I get the bagel all set I reach for my “Egg Genie”, the egg cooker that gives us perfect eggs everytime, it is easy to use and clean up and has a built-in steel piercing pin and is also great for steaming vegetables or cooking up to seven eggs at once. The auto off & built-in cooking timer is a big safty feature and the clear top allows me to view eggs while they are cooking. Once my eggs are done cooking they go directly into the “5-in-1 egg slicer” this thing is NOT an average Egg Slicer, it can handle slippery hard-boiled eggs, cutting the eggs into attractive slices. I also grab an apple and a banana from my “Banana Tree Fruit Bowl”, it combines style and function in my kitchen, it is an elegant chrome fruit basket that elevates items to prevent bruising. From there my goodies go into the “Bonzai Food Chopper” to be chopped, diced & minced. Even though I hate chopping vegetables food preparation with the Bonzai Food Chopper takes only seconds, rather than minutes. I coat the kids whole breakfast with honey from the “No Drip Syrup & Honey Dispener” the attractive all glass beehive design has an 8 oz capacity that dispenses the exact amount needed. When I was done with breakfast I looked at the “Smart Spin Kitchen Cabinet Organizer” for a container to store the leftovers, this thing was designed to handle all my kitchen organization needs in the space I reserve for my coffee maker, about 1 square foot. With the Smart Spin I never worry about fumbling with lids again with the same size locking lids.

It was then on to finish the house cleaning, I grab my battery powered “Go Duster”; it was designed for comfort with an ergonomic and balanced handle that has an almost effortless feel. The rinse and air dry brush heads clean easily and quickly, picking up dust in a fraction of the time. After getting most of the dust up I still had the dreaded blinds to clean, I temporarily forgot about the machine washable “Fuzzy Wuzzy Blind Cleaner”. The innovative Fuzzy Wuzzy microfiber blind cleaner by Evriholder Products is the easiest way to keep my mini blinds clean and dust-free. The Fuzzy Wuzzy blind cleaner is designed to reach in and through the slats of blinds of all kinds whether metal, aluminum, wood or vinyl. I move into the front room with my “Rejuvenate Restorer” kit because I found it is never too late to rejuvenate. My floors looked tired and worn out so I love Rejuvenate Restorer, in just one quick, easy application, I made my floors look new again. Rejuvenate fills in scuffs and scratches and seals surfaces to protect against wear and tear. Once complete with the floors I really needed to relax a bit, a glass of wine I thought, the “Penguin Wine Opener” adjusts to fit larger bottle sizes, that I like. It is smooth, lightweight and easy to use and comes with a 10 (TEN) year warranty and is the world's easiest wine opener. I simply raise the handle, place on top of a wine bottle, lower the handle to insert the magnesium corkscrew, lift the handle to remove the cork without twisting. My feet were really bothering since I was on my feet all day long, the constant pounding make my feet, ankle, knees, hips and back just ache. I realized I forgot to install my “Impact Gel” insoles and inserts that soften the blow and relieve the pressure on heels and balls of my feet by absorbing the shock and redistributing my weight from under sensitive pressure points. They are perfect for tennis shoes, dress shoes, work boots, hiking boots, cowboy boots and almost any footwear.

I was syc’d about trying the Bamboo Steamer Basket, the10 inch diameter with slatted bamboo bottoms that includes two baskets and one lid. It is great for vegetables, poultry and seafood and with the domed lid it traps in moisture and retains flavor and with the larger size is perfect for families or entertaining. I also loaded up the culinary award winning “Flavorwave Oven”, the infrared oven that cooks food evenly from the inside out. It cooks frozen steak, chicken, and any other meat faster than a microwave - without having to thaw out. I was amazed at how quickly I could cook a great tasting meal. I threw some corn in the “Microwavable Quick Cobs Corn Steamer” this microwavable corn steamer quickly steams 2 full size ears or 4 mini ears. No more waiting for water to boil. It will steam corn quickly in the microwave and this gadget that has a limited 5 year manufacturer's warranty and patented material that transfers heat to food. We were wanting some pasta for dinner so I pulled out my “Fasta Pasta Microwave Cooker”. It is, of course, microwave and dishwasher safe, cooks all types of pasta, and has a strainer and measure built in the lid, all I had to do was add water and cook in microwave. I found it saved me time and energy and I was glad it was proudly made in USA. For dessert I plugged in the “Hershey's Kisses Dessert Fondue Pot” that is cool, collectible & a great conversation piece. It never fails to bring family and friends together to enjoy a fun treat, it is ideal for chocolate & other dessert fondue recipes.

But wait there is more, just not today. I am telling you I laughed harder working on these 5 days of blog posts than I have in a long time. The funniest part is I did not make ANY of this up, it all comes from the ads we all see on television. The second funniest part is there are still hundreds of products I have not talked about so there will be more of these, probably in a one day version.

How many of these products have you heard advertised? How many have you bought? How many have you thrown away?

So today I thought I would try being Ms. Oatmeal in order to experience “as seen on television” products from the female perspective.

So I awake with the “7 Day Neverlate Alarm Clock” this alarm clock is the first and only alarm clock of its kind. With today's active lifestyles the neverlate solves a problem that students, professionals, working parents, athletes and others all have in common. The demands of today's active lifestyles often require a varying wake schedule. It offers an unparalleled ease of use with the patent-pending rotary dial user interface that makes setting the Neverlate a snap. After laying there for a moment to gather my bearings I adjust my “Mattress Genie” it is so easy that the 1-2-3 setup took less than 2 minutes. It has helped ease my symptoms of acid reflux, heartburn, hiatal hernia, indigestion, nasal congestion, sinus, allergies, flu, pregnancy discomfort and snoring. It is also great for reading and studying, watching TV, eating in bed and for those moms who are nursing. It will hold up to 1000 pounds for the heavy clientele and comes with a convenient hand held control. As I get out of bed I slip on my “Diabetic Slippers” the soft and cushiony comfort slippers that help relieve sore, tender, or swollen feet. They have an extra-wide design that won't bind or constrict so they're perfect for anyone with poor circulation or foot problems. They offer a soft quilted cotton outside with an absorbent terry lining and there is an adjustable secure fabric closure and they have the ever important non-slip soles. When I start moving a series of “Lamp Sensors” instantly turned on lamps throughout my home. They have allowed me to protect my home and family with the easy to use electric eye sensor that simply screws into any light socket. They keep me from fumbling around in the dark.


As I get to the kitchen I frantically look for my “Bacon Wave Microwave Bacon Cooker” you know the one, it will provide bacon that will be cooked to perfection in my microwave. It gives us frying pan taste without the frying pan, or the grease, making the bacon healthier. There is less fat, less grease, less cholesterol and fewer calories. One of the beauties of this thing is that it can cook up to 14 pieces at once, and they are stackable to allow 2 for 28 pieces, they guaranteed that I would love the results, and you know what I DO! Once I have the bacon going I grab the “One Touch Jar Opener” to get the jelly open. It opens stubborn jars with the touch of a button. No more twisting, no more pulling, no more pain, I just attach it to any jar and press the button. It's features effortless, one touch action , it is powerful enough for new, factory sealed jars and no bottle or jar is too tall and it never jams. I throw a couple of eggs in the “GT Xpress 101” and cook a delicious meal fast and without the added fat! With the GT Xpress 101 all I had to do was place food in the preheated cooking wells and close the lid. The dual cooking wells and controlled temperature cook from both top and bottom at once so there’s no turning or burning. GT Xpress’s thermostat controls the temperature so I get perfect results every time - even if I leave it in too long! The hinged lid prevents spillovers and clean up’s a cinch too, just wipe with a damp ShamWow. It has allowed me to enjoy healthy, flavor-packed, satisfying food in no time!

After breakfast I have to get started on the day, I switch out the Diabetic Slippers for the “Slipper Genie Microfiber Cleaning Slippers”. I do this to prove there is an ingenious new way to keep my floors clean without any extra work on my part. I just slip on Slipper Genie and they do the cleaning on hardwood, linoleum and tile flooring as I walk. Much easier to maneuver than a floor duster or broom, my feet do all the work while I just stroll around the house. If I had kids, I would definitely get them a pair! I know they would love walking around in these fun slippers and I would love how clean my floor would be. There are some dirtier areas of the floor so I break out the “Sop N Mop” which is an ultra absorbent miracle shammy cloth that is a must for camping, swimming, auto washing any sporting event and more, it raises any liquid from any surface. It miraculously holds up to 21 times its own weight in any liquid. It has allowed me to save hundreds of dollars a year that I was spending on paper towels. I got it with a total of 12 CLOTHS not 10, not 8 like the competition offers, and it is made in Germany, you know the Germans make good stuff. Once done with the Sop N Mop I start up with the “Swivel Sweeper Touchless” It is the new and improved Cordless Swivel Sweeper Touchless and it is the lightweight, easy-to-maneuver cordless sweeper that picks up messes faster and easier than ordinary cordless sweepers and brooms. Now with 'Touchless' dirt tray and the quite amazing rotating edge cleaning brushes that gets the mess along walls and in corners.

After cleaning house I am off to get ready to go out. Before jumping in the shower I spray on a couple of squirts of “Doctor Frank’s Joint and Muscle Pain Relief Spray” under my tongue and this pain reliever works for even severe joint and muscle pain and stiffness. It helps with all types of Arthritis, most over use syndrome issues such as Carpal Tunnel as well as Fibromylagia. It works on all types of injuries, stiffness from sports as well as recovering from surgery. It is a gentle, non-prescription homeopathic remedy to relieve chronic joint and muscle pain and stiffness. After my shower I put my hair in a “Turbie Twist Hair Towel”, this lightweight towel replacement is so much better than a towel. I then remembered I was always frustrated spending hour after hour trimming damaged hair ends in order to keep my hair long and beautiful. I had almost forgotten about purchasing the new & improved patented “Split-Ender Maxi Kit”. The secret of the Split-Ender Maxi Kit is the exclusive Snip the tip surgy trim system, which trims the tips of fried, damaged, broken, and brittle hair. This patented system only snips the ends and broken hair fragments along the hair shaft on any length of hair. After taking care of the split ends I set up my “Hands Free Adjustable Hair Dryer Stand” so I could save time styling, straightening, drying, and volumizing my hair. The Hair Dryer Stand frees both hands so I was done styling in record time. I achieve that salon look every time and eliminate the fatigue of holding that heavy hair dryer!

Once my hair was complete I sat down in my “Anywhere Chair” that was designed for fast, easy seating for kids and adults. The Anywhere Chair is an Oval Multi Angle Cushion that is a super-comfortable four-position recliner that provides fast and easy seating wherever, whenever. Once comfortably seated I started using my “Deluxe PedEgg”, it is a revolutionary foot file that you've probably seen nationally advertised on TV. The key secret to the PedEgg is its precision micro-files that gently remove calluses and dead skin to give my feet the incredible baby soft look and feel that everybody loves. Once my feet were in good shape I moved to my legs and go to town with my “Smooth Away” to remove unwanted hair. I also use the 19 rolling balls of the “Roll a Lotion” to apply lotion evenly to all the hard to reach areas, thanks to the extra long handle. I then continue to move up and install the “Original Looks” silicone breast enhancers, I have found they are Better than permanent breast enhancement procedures. These little wonders are one size fits all, hypo-allergenic and they increase my breasts up to 1 1/2 to 2 full bra cup sizes. I put my necklace on with the “Clever Clasp” because I was fed up fumbling with those tiny little clasps on my jewelry. I have long nails, long hair and limited dexterity and this magnetic jewelry clasp allows me to attach to any necklace or bracelet.

I quickly inserted my “EZ Comb Hair Clips” on the back of my head, the ones that are soft & comfortable and hold firmly in place and offers a comfortable secure Fit. I have found that it works on any hair type and stretches to easily create popular hair styles instantly. On the top of my head I use the “Bumpits” as I saw them on TV and since they are made of easy-care plastic they are great for dramatic up-dos and their comfortable design stays put. They have a rigid design that creates volume that won't fall, they are lightweight & comfortable and I often forget it's there. I love to Bump up the volume in my hair using Big Happie Hair Bumpits. Bumpits volumizing plastic hair inserts take my hair from flat to fabulous in seconds without the use of heavy creams or gels. I also use my “LumaTweez” they are a pair of tweezers with a built-in light and flip-up magnifying glass. The light runs on three button-cell batteries, sold separately of course. The tweezers are high-quality stainless steel with tips that are angled, not flat, so they grip hairs firmly. Of course they come with a 60-day money-back guarantee in case I did not like them.

But wait folks there is more, I am sorry though you will have to wait until tomorrow to hear about the rest of Ms. Oatmeal’s day in the life of “As seen on television” products.

I thought I would try to live a week using “as seen on television” products to get through the day, here is part 3 of day 1

As I closed the garage door I caught a glimpse of my “Topsy Turvy’s” lined up along the fence, The Topsy Turvy tomato planter works in a simple yet ingenious way. As the sun warms the plant like a greenhouse, the root system explodes and thrives inside the planter. Because Topsy Turvy tomato planter is upside down, water and nutrients pour directly from the root to the fruit, giving me up to 30 pounds of deliciously ripe tomatoes per plant! All the Topsy Turvy’s were illuminated by the “Solar Rocks” you know the ones, they are equipped with four brilliant super bright natural white LEDs in a uniquely designed honeycomb reflector. This solar powered rock bursts out an intense spotlight beam onto any targeted garden plant or bush, or in my case my Topsy Turvy’s”. I had strategically placed my solar powered rocks around the base of the “Expandable Garden Edging”. This stuff was great, This lovely wooden textured Extendable Garden Edging went up in seconds, expanding up to 3 feet allowing for a custom fit. It worked effectively at keeping pets and critters out all while I was highlighting my garden. I was able to install it in seconds with no hardware or tools necessary. I found it to be a fast, fun and inexpensive way to create a garden showcase that my neighbors were envious of.

My attention was distracted by the phone ringing, I ran in and grabbed the “Big Button Phone” it is a EZ-touch big button corded phone with 10 number memory, ringer control, receiver volume control, 3 one-touch photo memory speed dial buttons, Braille raised characters, flashing visual ring that is hearing aid compatible and wall mountable. The buttons are such that the one touch photo-memory can store the number and hold an actual photograph of the person, calling loved ones had never been easier. After completing a lengthy survey I was glad that I had switched to the “Magic Jack” for my phone service. I have never seen a simpler to use product. I simply plugged it into my computer and then plugged in my phone, and start calling. The call quality is perfect ... this device is so simple that someone’s grandmother could install one on her PC and begin right away. After the call was over I was able to relax a bit, I started playing with the dog. It did not take long for me to go running for the “PediPaws”, this outstanding product features built-in nail guide that protects against cracking, splintering, breaking or cutting too close and the smoothly trimmed nails guard against pet scratches on my furniture, upholstery and skin. I have in the past, before getting the Pedipaws, had to use “Liquid Leather” to repair furniture that was damaged by sharp animal claws, those days are gone now though.

I quickly changed clothes and got ready for my evening exercise regime. I started with 15 minutes of “Core Rhythms” this plan offers a revolutionary weight loss exercise program that uses sexy Latin dance moves to raise my heart rate and tone and tighten my entire core at the same time. The fun, Core Rhythms moves all start with the core, affecting my upper abs, middle abs, lower abs, obliques and my back to give me a 360° total core workout, all while being swept away by the fun of dance. After that I spent some times performing “Crunchless Abs”, they tell me that our abdominal core is an amazing anatomical composition of 12 muscles that wrap around us like a girdle and when properly trained, holds our midsection in flat and tight. I was stunned to hear that recent research showed that standard floor crunches train only 2 of these critically important core muscles, I was disappointed. After that I moved right into “Perfect Pushups” and I will tell you the US Navy Seal who designed this exercise tool was right, they engage more muscles, maximize strength all while reducing joint strain. It was easy for me to see why they had a patent pending. After that I spent just a couple of minutes on the “Iron Gym Pull Up Bar”. I was getting tired but had to complete my workout, I still had the “Pilates Ball with Resistance Bands” and the “Kettlenetics”, as seen on TV that featured a 360 degrees workouts for full circle body toning, whole body resistance training for strong and toned muscles and dynamic flow motion movements for high-speed cardio fat burning.

With my workout over I showered and prepared to make dinner. I was very hungry but luckily I had recently found out that I am fat not because I can’t stop shoveling crap into my face but because of stress and other factors that are outside my control. Knowing that I immediately contacted the the folks at “Zylotrim” and they told me that their weight loss pills are clinically proven to increase my fat burning enzymes to help me lose weight and body fat. They tell me they are clinically proven to increase my fat burning enzymes and I received a risk-free trial bottle of the safe weight loss supplements. With no worries about health or how fat I am I broke out a few gadgets to make dinner. First I pulled out 30 pounds of tomato’s provided by my Topsy Turvy’s and sliced them up with an original “Ginsu” knife, I first felt it necessary to cut open the soup cans with the very same Ginsu knife, just because I could. I pulled out the “Pasta Express” machine and got the pasta started. I also fired up the “Grill Daddy Pro” and got the “Big City Slider Station” ready to crush little balls of ground meat into restaurant style mini burgers in just minutes. I have found it perfect for dinner, parties, big games and more! It requires no flipping and the lid helps cook both sides at the same time. All the other vegetables were cut up using a “Slap Chop” and the “Vidalia Chop Wizard”. I used the “Amazing Oven Gloves” because they dramatically extend the time I can handle a hot object in my hands. These things can even be exposed to an open flame and the outer layer of the glove will not catch fire and will not melt. I have found them great for the kitchen, BBQ’s & handling dry hot items such as burning light bulbs & more, anything up to 480-degrees F.

After dinner we settled in for an evening of entertainment at home. We each donned a “Snuggie” and I headed for the kitchen and broke out the “Whirley-Pop” popcorn popper. Face it, sometimes the best thing about going out to a movie is the popcorn, those big plump kernels that always seem so much better than what I could pop at home. But the Whirley-Pop popper changes all that. It really does make awesome, fresh-popped corn in the sturdy aluminum pan that has a clip-on lid with a stay-cool wooden handle. Even though I was warm and toasty inside my Snuggie, I could feel a draft from the back door. I immedialty grabbed a “Twin Draft Guard” and a disaster was averted. After injoying the popcorn we decided to have a shake so out came the “Magic Bullet Deluxe Blender” and the ice cream. Everyone knows the high-torque power base is the heart of the Magic Bullet. By simply plugging in the Magic Bullet and placing one of the Bullet Cups or Party Mugs onto the high-torque power base and press and I was immediately rewarded with a substance that has been thoroughly blended. There are no buttons to press, no complicated manuals to read. Nothing could be easier. After a movie and popcorn and then a shake we were ready for bed, but we both like to read before bed and we use the most incredible gadget to do that, you guessed it the “Super Slim, Totally portable Book Light” that came, free of charge, with our Snuggie purchases.

So that was hilarious for me to do so I decided that there were just too many products I did not discuss so I will be doing another as Ms. Oatmeal as there are a ton of these types of products geared towards the female market.

I thought I would try to live a week using “as seen on television” products to get through the day, here is part 2 of day 1

So I am ready to go for the day, I stop in the kitchen on my way to prepare my lunch. I pop a couple of items in a disposable bowl and use the “Chef Tony’s Smart Lidz”. They are made from space age polymers and they seal air tight, they are freezer, dishwasher and microwave safe and have a universal fit, They can seal anything, in any size container and keep produce fresh longer and allow me to save leftovers longer because the seal locks liquid tight & holds for weeks. The package came with 4 medium lids, 2 large lids and the Extra bonus jumbo lid, all I had to do was pay S&H on that one. After quickly using my “Jack Lalanne Power Juicer” to squeeze up to 30% more than other juicers to create an all natural glass of juice I was ready to put my shoes on. I could not get that done without the assistance of the “Long Handle Shoe Horn”, this gadget has ensured I suffer through no more uncomfortable bending or stooping over to put on my shoes. The model I chose what the 24" long blue max with the horse head handle.

Once in the garage I noticed that the car was looking rather dull and made a note to myself that I needed to bring some space-age technology to my driveway and save water at the same time with “ProShine's Waterless Wash and Wax”. I found with it I was actually warned, not to wash the car! A light Rinsing might be necessary to remove larger dirt particles but that was it. All I had to do was spray or pour ProShine Waterless Wash and Wax on the vehicle. I could spray it right over any dirt, grime or bug marks and then just evenly spread it around with a clean cloth. All that was left was to wipe it off with another dry, soft cotton cloth. As unbelievable as it sounds it's that simple. As I was sliding in the car I also noticed that the “Ding King” may have some work to complete tonight on the car door, him and the “Hide a Scratch” wax had their work cut out. As I slipped my “HD Vision WrapArounds” on I realized I that this HD Vision technology gave me clarity that I had never experienced, they were able to enhance my vision to a quality just like High Definition TV. They were lightweight & durable and offered a modern European style as well.

Once completing a day at work I was on my way home, when I got in the car and removed the “Auto Cool Solar Fan” from the window. It had, even on the hottest days, kept my car cooler and the air fresher thanks to this solar-powered vent fan. It draws in fresh air as hot, stale air vents out, this thing even helps to eliminate pet and tobacco odors. I also received the Free Bonus handy organizer that fits in my car's cup holder. I pulled out my “Night Vision WrapArounds”, I received them and the patented visor Clip for my car when I bought the “HD Vision WrapArounds” they were a $10 value and all I had to do was pay S&H. I also popped in my “Bell and Howel Sonic Earz” sound amplifier. This thing allowed me to Watch TV without having to turn the sound up high and was disturbing others in my home. I could easily hear movies, concerts and lectures as if I was sitting right there in the very front, even if I was actually in the back. I also noticed that I was going to have to pull out the “Glass Wizard” when I got home to clean the windows, Glass wizard's large micro fiber cleaning head takes away those hard to clean spots in just seconds and its unique shape conforms to curved surfaces to ensure a thorough cleaning job every time. The kit covered all contingencies and provided 1 Glass Wizard Cleaning Tool, 2 Glass Wizard Microfiber Cleaning Bonnets. 1 Glass Wizard Mesh Grime Buster Bonnet and 1 FREE Glass Wizard Water Spray Bottle

Once home I was glad I had installed the “Solar Powered Mailbox Light”, it allowed me Illuminate my mailbox for added security & it allowed for better home id for guests, deliveries or emergency personnel. Moments later my wife was alerted to my presence at home by our “Wireless Driveway Monitor Motion Detector Security Alert Alarm”. I had installed the system to eliminate startling knocks at the door, unexpected horn beeps and I wanted a heads up in case of a delivery. As I pulled into the garage I pulled up to the “Flashing-Garage-Parking-Signal”, I have found it to be the perfect parking aid that was easy assembly with no tools required. It stopped run-ins with garage walls by automatically signaling me where to stop by flashing the twin LED bulbs when I bumped it, it ensures a perfect parking job every time.

I could see clearly around my garage, the lights were automatically turned on by the garage door opener. I laid eyes on my garden tools, the “Mantis Tiller/Cultivator” the incredible lightweight tiller that has made gardening easier for more than a million people. The original design to helped landscapers get their jobs done quicker. I also saw one of the original TV gadgets, the “Pocket fisherman”, a fine example of an item destined to be in the history books. There was an “Awesome Auger”, with all the accessories that I just had to pay S&H to get, there were bottles of “Patch Perfect” for quickly growing grass in those hard to grow areas of my lawn. And there on the same shelf in the corner were my “Mighty Putty” and “Leak Ender 2000” both outstanding products that offer amazing advantages. There was also the “Point and Paint System” the system that allowed me to paint an entire room in less than one hour and get perfect results every time without prepping, runs or brush strokes and it eliminated the up and down on the ladders. I also looked longingly at the “Forearm Forklift” straps and the “Erase a Hole” repair kit. At last look along the left wall were stored all my “Space Bags” holding all manner of items, I have the jumbo cubes, high capacity tote bags, large bags, medium bags and even the hanging bag and some of the zip and go bags. I was storing winter sweaters, large coats, extra pillows, arts and crafts, sporting goods, camping equipment and many other critical items I wanted protected from bugs, dust, mildew and odors in an airtight & watertight environment

Folks I am not done yet, there is even more , instead of 2 servings of this story line you will get three. This added feature will be provided absolutely free to you, not even any S&H.

I thought I would try to live a week using “as seen on television” products to get through the day, here is part 1 of day 1

Day 1, I awake at 6am to the sounds of the “Singing Bird Clock” and immediately remove the “RIPSNORE™” from my mouth. The Rip snore is a simple, one-piece device that molds to the shape of my mouth that stops snoring or drastically reduces snoring in 98% of the folks who use it. The RIPSNORE™ does this by holding the lower jaw slightly forward, moving the base of the tongue away from the back of the airway and soft palate - allowing the throat to be opened and the snore to be silenced. RIPSNORE™ is a class 1 medical device that is certified by the Australian Therapeutic Goods Association (TGA) ARTG ID 156350 and it is made with an FDA approved material. I also have to remove the “Kinoki Cleansing Detox Foot Pads”, these particular pads are 100% natural & 100% safe. They are truly miracles of modern science, they help the body achieve its optimum state of health. They do this by improving blood circulation, removing heavy metals, increasing metabolism, activating blood cells, enhancing the quality of sleep and expelling toxins, Relieving the pain and discomfort of arthritis, Improves the immune system, reduces stress and anxiety, AND they enhance mental focus and concentration, for just 39.95, I found them to be truly amazing.

I stumble out of bed after turning on my “Quick Bright Light System” using the “Original clapper”, clap on, clap off. Once I hit the hallway I turn the kitchen lamps using my “Handy Switch”. The Handy Switch is the RF controlled light switch that Ican stick anywhere, and it looks like a normal light switch, I have found them very handy and use them throughout my home for added convenience. I make a quick stop at the bathroom where my toilet is a well equipped modern marvel, I use the “Hands Free Toilet Flusher” as well as the “Kaboom Neverscrub”. The Kaboom NeverScrub toilet cleaner attaches easily out of sight within my toilet tank and provides powerful stain cleaning continuously for up to 3 months. I like to think of Kaboom as a maintenance product to help me minimize toilet gunk in my home. After a short stay in the bathroom I head back to the kitchen, only after washing my hands with soap dispensed by the “Automatic Soap Dispenser”.

Once in the kitchen I fire up my “Perfect Pod Coffee Maker” and start looking in the “Debbie Myers Green bags” for what fruit I might have for breakfast. These green bags are phenomenal and allow me to control the humidity inside as well as discourage things like mold, bacteria, fungus and decay from forming. I decide on an apple for breakfast and used the “Samurai Speed Peeler” to remove the peel. After the apple I decided I wanted some eggs so I broke out my dishwasher safe “Progressive International Microwave Egg Poacher” and cooked up the perfect meal on the go. I store that gadget in the freezer because it is, of course, microwave and freezer safe. It allows me to Poach up to 2 eggs in just minutes and it is made of thick, sturdy plastic and requires no butter or oil, so it's healthier than traditional poachers.

After a great breakfast I head back to the bathroom to get ready for work. I flip on the “Shower Clock Radio with Television” and lather up. When I am done cleaning myself I place the soap in the “Niagara Soap Saver Dish”, this clever dish drains excess water right into tub, so soap stays firm and lasts longer. It is designed in thick, durable plastic and features posts to hold soap securely and a spout to direct water back into the sink or shower. I then spark off the “Microforce Shaver, it has features such as a charger indicator light and dual high speed stay sharp stainless steel blades that provides me a close clean shave in half the time. Once I step out of the shower I step right onto a ShamWow, that I have easily cut in half and immediately grab my towel from the “Billy Mayes Hercules Hooks” lined up along the back of the door and dry off. I start to notice, while using my “Microtouch Magic Men’s Lighted Hair Trimmer” that I am going to need the “Fog Free 5x Shower Mirror” to see all the microscopic hairs that will ultimately form a unibrow, thank God I have these products! After a quick touch up and use of the “Save A Blade” razor cleaner and dryer I get the perfect amount of toothpaste dispensed by the “Touch and Brush” toothpaste dispenser and quickly use the “Sonic 4X battery powered toothbrush” to clean my teeth. The “Touch and Brush” says “No More” to sticky bathroom sinks, crusty toothpaste tubes, fighting for the last drop of paste and of course the kids leaving behind a morning toothpaste mess.

Once done in the bathroom I pull my clothes from the “Adjustable Foam Hangers, these things are a miraculous invention. These Hangers are the best invention since the wheel! These soft, bendable, foam hangers are gentle on clothes. They can bend upward to hold garments with straps, so garments can't slip off. They can curve downward to hold the shape of sweaters and knits, without hanger marks. They are great for drying fine washables, they also offer better air circulation so clothes dry faster. I have these hangers attached to the “Wonder Hanger Cascading Space Saver” that can save me much needed closet space with its unique and efficient design that allows me to maximize space and storage. With Wonder Hanger Cascading Space Saver I never have to worry about wrinkled clothes and disorganized closets. The eight pack, which I have purchased two of them and received two for nothing more than S & H charges, triples my closet storage space by allowing me to hang up to five articles of clothing wrinkle-free on a single hanger.

I also put on my necklace, it allows me to always have the Lord's Prayer close to my heart, it is, of course, the exquisite “Prayer Cross Pendant”. It is superbly crafted in layers of gleaming sterling silver accented with genuine sparkling crystals, this enduring symbol of faith features a secret stone center that when held to the light reveals, instantly and almost miraculously, the entire Lord's Prayer. I also repair my glasses with “Lens Doctor Eyeglass Scratch Remover” that is a polymer-based formulation which assists in repairing surface scratches and cloudiness on eyeglasses. Of course Lens Doctor utilizes a proprietary two-step process thoroughly cleans the lens and prepares it to receive the lens treatment solution. I take one more look at myself with the “Handy Hook Mirror”, It allows me to fix my hair, shave and even tweeze my eyebrows if I needed to do that. The Handy Hook Mirror comes with a revolutionary coil that lets me... HOOK IT, over a shower door, bathroom door, light fixture, car interior & more! I can even hang it from my neck for an up close view that moves along with me. It's such a great innovation, it's earned the Good Housekeeping Seal!

But wait folks there’s more, I am sorry though you will have to wait until tomorrow to hear about the rest of my day in the life of “As seen on television” products.

Nikon Camera’s they are the best!!

I purchased my first Nikon camera in 1982 when I was still in high school. It was a great camera and took fabulous pictures. I did not really know anything about camera’s or how they worked. It was available in all black and black with chrome trim, mine was black with chrome trim. The FE was considered an advanced semi-professional camera and for a high schooler it was intimidating. This camera was an electromechanically controlled, manual focus SLR with manual exposure control or aperture priority auto exposure. Most of the time I mine set in Auto, I was not smart enough to figure out how to use it in the manual mode. There were indicators in the view finder that told me the settings the camera decided to use to take the picture. I did not take that many pictures back then, I was a high school kid so most of my money went to beer and related party favors.

My next camera purchase was right before I went on a South American cruise in 1985, I was in the navy at the time and I had no idea where my FE had landed. The FA was considered an advanced amateur level camera and I picked it up in Virginia where I was stationed. I really liked this camera, maybe because I was beginning to understand how to take pictures, and I got a great number of them in the 6 months it took to get around South America and Africa. Again most of the time this camera stayed in the automatic mode but I began experimenting with the different modes. This one I got in all black, it was a cool looking camera as well. Both these cameras had the lens that came on it and I never purchased any others.

My favorite Nikon, still to this day, was my next one, the F3HP with the MD-4 auto winder and the SB-7E Speedlight flash. Now this was a camera! The automatics were great, the auto winder was smooth and very fast, the batteries in the winder, 8 AA’s also powered the camera. This Nikon incarnation had manual and semi-automatic exposure control whereby the camera would select the correct shutter speed. It was also the first of numerous Nikon F-series cameras to be styled by Italian designer Giorgetto Giugiaro, and to include a red stripe on the handgrip -- a feature that would later become (with variants of stripes and various other shapes) a signature feature of many Nikon cameras. I bought all manner of lens for this camera over the years, everything from the stock lens to a Nikkor 100-300mm f/5.6s MACRO Zoom lens to a 500mm reflex lens along with the fish eye. This camera is GREAT and I love it and still use it with outstanding results.

My latest Nikon purchase is the Coolpix S220 10MegaPixel digital Camera, in plum. This is my 5th digital camera, the first was a Polaroid and I paid a fortune for it, it was before the advent of the USB interface and had an RS232 connection to my computer. I do not think they were rating them by the number of pixels yet and I know this model had way less than a 1 megapixel CCD in it. Anyway this Coolpix was less than 150 bucks and comes with a lithium Ion cell phone style battery, no more burning through AA batteries. An extra battery was about 20 bucks and a 16 gig memory card was less than 50 bucks. It comes with an impressive software package that makes getting pictures from the camera to the computer as easy as mashing the transfer button. Once on the computer they are available for what ever you may need them for.

So this camera has many features and modes, all menu driven so it may not friendly for the menu adverse folks. It has many different scene modes already programmed in, night shots, indoor shots, black and white shots and one feature that takes 16 pictures and makes them a sheet, kind of like the little pictures you got when you school pictures came in. I have not had this camera long and already love it! It is not much bigger than a credit card and about thick as a restaurant steak. The LCD display is 2.5 inches and very bright, they say I can get up to 200 shots on a single battery charge, I bought two just in case. This camera will never replace my F3 with a 500mm reflex lens for taking pictures of the moon but it gets a A+ for ease, toss it my pocket and go. I have shown it to my wife and in very short order she has fallen in love with it so I may have to get another one for me, I liked the plum color too.

I know this may be sounding like a Nikon commercial and maybe it is but I have had VERY good experiences with Nikon and their cameras. I wish I could afford a D300 or even the D90, which are their digital SLR cameras, now those are some cool cameras. I have 2 friends who own the D80 and just recently I found out they make an adaptor that would allow the thousands of dollars of manual focus lens to fit and operate on the autofocus cameras, albeit still in manual mode. They are more like my F3 film camera, more a professional unit but for someone who love to take pictures and still does not understand a lot of the manual features I think I could work wonders with one of those. It has been on my wish list for some time but they seems just an extravagant purchase in these times.

We live in an age that technology never ceases to amaze me, what wonder gadget are you impressed with?

So why would anyone still smoke.

So I was in the store the other day behind a lady who was buying a carton of cigarettes, they were over 50 bucks a carton. I quit smoking 2 years ago and I am so glad I did, they were about 30 bucks a carton then. That made me curious, how much of that was taxes and how much did it cost to make the things. I know there was a recent 62 cent per pack federal tax placed on them and on the heels of that Florida legislature is planning an increase of the state sales tax by another $1-a-pack. They say this will cause at least a quarter of the cigarettes smoked in Florida will be smuggled in, compared to about 6 percent today. Funny we are using the word smuggle when we are talking about a legal product. But it is so easy to demonize the smokers, creating all that second hand smoke, costing all that money to care for them because of smoking related illnesses. That assumption is somewhat suspect in my opinion, we have been feed that story but how true is it.

50 bucks a carton, I am still struggling with the reality of that. When I first went in the military we could get “sea stores” when we got outside the territorial waters of the United States, free from all taxes. I do not remember what the cost in the real world was but I remember buying sea stores for less than 3 bucks a carton, that’s right 3 bucks, three as in one – two – three. Now someone is willing to pay over 50, that is crazy. If you want something to kill you pay me 50 bucks a week for several years and and I sneak into your house at night and will kill you in your sleep long before you have to suffer from emphysema and all the other smoking related illnesses.

I have seen all manner of cessation products, form patches to pills, to acupuncture to hypnosis, smoking cessation products can have a fabulous business model built around them. I do not think any of them will work unless you want to quit, I have seen each of the remedies succeed and each fail and the only thread I could see was whether the person really and truly wanted to quit. When I quit I used every tool available to me, patches and pills. I actually spent more money for three months on smoking cessation products than I did cigarettes, but then after those three months I was off the hook for smokes and cessation products.

Several years ago, after the first of the big lawsuits, the price spiked up my Dad quit smoking cold turkey. No my Dad was a chain smoker, at least 3 packs a day and he smoked them right down to the filter. He got every bit of smokable tobacco out of each and every one of those cancer sticks. When the price spiked he quit, cold turkey, he did not use a patch or a pill just will power. I thought he would quit because smoking was bad for him or because he was short of breath a lot. Not my Dad he quit because he was “not paying for anybody else’s medical bills”. At that time they were giving people large awards to help them defray the cost of medical care, or cancer treatments. Now if my Dad can quit cold turkey after smoking at least three packs a day for probably 45 years ANYONE can quit.

Can you still afford to smoke and why would you anyway?

I watched a commercial last night that is proof the world has gone completely mad.

It is called the SPINLASH™ and the TV offer includes 2 rotating brushes, 2 SPINLASH™ Mascaras and you can choose from black or brownish black. This mascara has a motorized head that gently rotates to create perfect eyelashes every time, I did not know before but it’s a 75 dollar value and it is available to us for the low price of 19.99. It will provide perfect lashes every time that have twice the volume in half the time. It is the first mascara that lines, coats and curls all at the same time and with no more clumps. It gently rotates 360 degrees, in both directions for upper and lower lashes and for righties and lefties, to offer big sexy eyes and of course, the offer is not available in stores. There is a patent pending on the unit that uses the gentle motion of the rotating brush to remove clumps while each revolution separates, coats, lengthens and volumizes your lashes. Of course it is suitable for contact wearers and has not been tested on animals. Did I mention that we are also assured that perfect lashes will be provided every time we use the thing.

Everyone knows that eyelashes are naturally disorganized, this is normal. According to the research clumping is the #1 complaint about mascara. For me that begged the question, why does it clump? Little did I know that clumps are caused by applying mascara to natural, disorderly lashes. To me, attempting to apply traditional mascara to crazy disorderly eyelashes would be analogous to applying hairspray to hair that is tangled, ya just would not do it! SPINLASH™ somehow removes clumps with every turn, and according to the folks at SPINLASH™ you can, for the first time, simultaneously comb and coat your eyelashes giving you perfect lashes every time! Well after knowing all that I was reaching for the phone when I considered, is this thing safe? Well low and behold I find the SPINLASH™ has several safety features, built right in. Things like the Stabilizing Trunk that controls brush movement, allowing the brush to revolve on a consistent axis and the brush itself is pressure sensitive, if the user uses too much force, pushing it to firmly against their face for example the rotating brush stops automatically, saving your eyes from catastrophe. It also has a built in control panel, this control panel automatically reacts to the user, take your finger off the button and it stops gently rotating.

So after learning what a modern marvel this 20 dollar gadget was I started wondering, who would invent such a thing? Well come to find out it was Barbara Carey, who knew. In case you are not a Barbara Carey fan, as I am, she has marketed over 100 of her own ideas, for petes sake she invented the Hairagami, and that friends became an American phenomenon. She is also the creator and President of Dittie, LLC. Dittie is a feminine protection brand and a company that is committed to breaking the taboos that surround periods and the women who endure them. This dynamo has even launched seven different companies, and been awarded over a dozen US patents. On top of all that, she wrote the award winning book "The Carey Formula: Your Ideas are Worth Millions."

I see all this as proof we are all idiots and will buy any damn thing when the person hocking it is good at it, and that friends is a damn shame. What has the world come to that someone can make a living off the backs of actual hard working people by perpetrating a marketing attack on us. The commercial for this eyelash thingy shows the person using the traditional method and she looks like a person who had 23 cups of coffee and is partially blind in one eye and had giant globs of mascara on her lashes. Now I can't say for everyone but that has never happened in the times I have used traditional mascaras. How realistic is that anyway, it is just like the guy who has about 300 feet of weed eater line tangled around his head and shoulders that was advertising a new and improved cutter that assured us that we could avoid this tangled nightmare by simply buying their gadget. What crap, I have been putting string in a weed eater for A LONG TIME and never once have I gotten any of it wrapped around my freaking head! The marketing folks are good, we buy the SPINLASH and we buy all manner of other crap we do not need or really even use after the initial novelty wears off.

Before you buy that next new have to have it gadget ask yourself, would Mr. Oatmeal give you crap for buying it.

Whatever happened to saying thank you when someone did something for you?

So I was in the Gate Station the other day getting a coffee and there was a kid in front of me who was acting very nervous and twitchy. I moved back just a bit so I could keep a closer eye on all of his movements. I have found people that act like that do unexpected things and it is better to be ready for said unexpected event than be taken off guard. It was not terribly cold but he had on a hoody with the hood up and his hands intermittently being wrung against each other and then stuffed into the pockets of the hoody. I could tell he was hopped up on something, these days it is hard to tell what it might be but he was most assuredly jonesing for something. I did notice that he had no snacks or other items, maybe he was getting gas or maybe he needed some smokes.

In front of him were two customers, the first was buying lottery tickets, you know the kind of person who has a plastic sheath with all the premarked cards in it. Well she gave the cards to be scanned to the clerk one at a time, I think she was picking numbers for every single game that Florida offers. It was an agonizingly slow process, it was not bothering me but my friend was getting irritable I could tell, shifting from one foot to the other and back again at an ever increasing pace. The woman was not done at that point, she pulled out a sort of crib sheet and started telling the clerk which of the scratch off tickets she needed. This process was slowed even more by the fact she could not read the writing on her crib sheet. Finally she got her 27 dollars worth of lottery tickets and smiled on her way out the door. I was temporarily relieved when she was done, the fellow noticeably relaxed. Whew I thought!

I was amazed when I could tell the next customer was going to be just as slow. I was really starting to get nervous for this poor nervous fellow when this customer started pulling out a ton of change to pay for his gas. I mean he counted out 23 dollars worth of change so he could get gas. Now there is nothing wrong with that, there have been times I had to pay for gas with change as well but Mr. Nervous was not as understanding. He started with the deep inhalations and exhalations and I thought here we go, this is going to get ugly. For a moment I considered just telling the guy to go and fill his car up and I would pay for it, just to let this poor fellow get to the cashier and take care of his business before he had a coronary or worse, went postal on everyone in sight. Well I am not independently wealthy and my luck he would have been in a motor home or something like that so I did not make that offer.

After counting out the last $1.78 in pennies and moving on it was our guys turn at the cashier. All this guy wanted was a pack of matches, whew I thought, give him the matches and he is gone, along with my nervousness about what he might do. Oh no, not so fast, the clerk tells him that unless he buys a pack of cigarettes the book of matches will cost him 5 cents. Yikes, this guys outrage at the world was just starting to well up when I intervened, I said dude pick a lighter and I will cover you. I used to smoke and there is nothing and I mean nothing worse than not having a way to spark off that smoke. So the clerk gave him the Bic with the Nascar advertisement on it and his mood immediately calmed. Whew, I was relieved, disaster in the Gate had been averted and I was down only a buck and half for the lighter.

Now the next part is where I became truly amazed, he turned and walked out with a new lighter and did not even say thank you. Now I did not buy him the lighter so I could get a thank you, my ego does not need stroked that badly. I bought the lighter because this fellow was obviously under stress and my thinking was if for a buck and half I can relieve any stress from his life it was worth it. I have noticed that thank you is not used as commonly as it once was, what does that say about us. Please and thank you are cornerstones of courtesy and just plain politeness. Now I have no idea the pressure this guy was under but to neglect to even say thank you. Come on now, I do not care how bad your day is, that is one that does not go unsaid, no matter what.

Have we gotten so wrapped up in our own little worlds that we forget the most basic of common courtesies?

High Definition Television, what does that actually mean and how did we get from normal TV to here?

For those who don’t know, I am famous, how you might ask – I work in television. OK maybe I am not famous but I do work in television, behind the scenes hooking up all the gadgets that bring Barney, Curious George, Nova and Nature into your living rooms. I am sure by now you have heard about the shutoff of analog television, it was supposed to happen on February 17th but President Obama decided the country needed more time to get ready and extended the date to June 12th. There were caveats in the new rules though, your local stations could shut off on the original date, which many stations around the country did. There was also an option for television stations to shut-off analog any time between those dates as well. Where I work we have been working on the digital transition for 10 years and just recently I have been contemplating exactly what was forced upon broadcasters by the government and what the real changes to television are. Make no mistake about why the United States is shutting off analog television, it has everything to do with the government and an infusion of funds to the treasury. Broadcasters, on the whole, did not want to make the transition to digital, it cost each and every station literally millions of dollars and there was no business model to make money with it, an unfunded government mandate forced broadcasters to do it.

So having been involved with the transition for so long, I have lost any real objectivity about the subject, but as you know I will never shy away from commenting. I am not going to get involved in the governments merits for the original decision to make the change from analog to digital or the myriad issues it has created for people, young and old but I am going to talk about it strictly from the perspective of the massiveness of the technical accomplishment that has taken place. I have been in the electronics field for a long time and have seen countless innovations in many areas. Some have been successful – CD’s, PC’s and cell phones and others failures – Betamax, HD DVD and countless others no one has ever heard of. Through trade periodicals, trade shows, engineering conferences and a general thirst for technical knowledge and information about how things work, I try to stay on top of the newest gadgetry across industries. When you couple that with a base knowledge of the mechanics of how and why technologic advances work I feel well suited to talk about the subject.

So along comes an idea for digital television, it is NOT a new idea or plan, the first digital broadcast took place in the Washington DC/Baltimore market on September 16, 1997 – that’s right almost 12 years ago. It was the first live digital high definition television broadcast and they chose a Major League Baseball game to be the first. The game was captured on DTV cameras and transported via fiber and satellite to WHD and WETA stations in Washington and broadcast live, there were no consumer televisions at that point but the first broadcast was under the belt. We have come a long way since then and broadcasters have spent millions upon millions upon millions and I bet we are WELL into the billions as a group on hardware alone. That is just hardware let alone the additional gobs of money spent on educational programs and spots mandated by the FCC, and couple that with the revenue generation loss felt by having to educate consumers instead of selling spots. The cost of advertising on television is ridiculous and part of the reason for that is the digital television revolution. Working at a PBS station that is member supported I am worried that we still have folks who do not know that all analog television broadcasts are going to come to an end soon, our education program has been more intense than that of the local commercial stations.

So let’s think about and examine it for just a second from only the perspective of the technological achievement. An apt analogy, in my opinion, would be a program to replace the internal combustion engine with something else and have to do it without ever interrupting peoples ability to drive, their cars, trucks, motorcycles, trains, lawn mowers and anything else with an internal combustion engine. Imagine the magnitude of such a project, all without interrupting the consumer. With digital television the task was no less challenging. Every aspect about the way TV is created, distributed, transferred and ultimately broadcast is 100% different than the way analog television works, even the physical wires used are not the same, the cables are capable of passing 3gig signals . None of the equipment, from the cameras to the tape machines and video servers all the way to the transmitters are the same as analog. As we get close to the end of analog television broadcasting most people are unaware of the herculean effort that was required to make it mostly a seamless transition. When you think about that, it is analogous to changing the internal combustion engine to something else and not disrupting normal driving.

The feature set that is available with digital broadcasting is incredible, multiple channels in the same FCC regulated bandwidth, the transmission of data to automatically perform software updates on your new wide screen LCD and plasma screen televisions, the insertion of guide information so you can see what is on and what’s coming up. Lastly we have to talk about the incredible experience of watching a High Definition program in stunning clear 5.1 surround sound. It was only a could years ago I actually bought a set for my house, I was so close to it that I took it for granted. The first show I watched was documentary on PBS, of course, and I was completely blown away, my bride could not believe that I was gushing so much about it. I have been involved with it for a long time, I can tell you technical specifications, I can recognize macro blocking and explain the reasons. I can explain the modulation scheme of the transmission and yes it is still AM modulation, the same AM that is used for radio but I had never just sat down with a cold drink to watch it, WOW. The transition of the United States to digital broadcasting is truly an incredible technological feat and I can not think of any feat that compares, especially since to us television viewers it is still just programming coming into our living

What kind of television do you have?

I probably should not admit it but – I forgot it was Easter Sunday today.

I went to the beach this morning to watch the Sunrise over the ocean, to my surprise I was not alone. I got there a few minutes after 5am, actual sun rise was not until 7:03 but the 2 hours before are more incredible than the sun actually breaking the horizon. I have a specific spot I like to sit, in the dunes amongst the reeds and saw grass, so got my injection molded plastic Adirondack style chair that I purchased at Publix for 18 bucks arranged it just so on top of the dune and settled in with my coffee. My spot is straight off the end of Atlantic boulevard and about 50 feet to the north. Well I had been there only 15 minutes and I saw someone else walking out onto the beach, I was a bit surprised to see someone so early. It was nearly a full moon so after just a few minutes my eyes had acclimated and I could see clearly. There was also a sun umbrella and some lounge chairs scattered about. The person who walked out quickly turned around and headed back to way he came, secretly I was glad he left as I do not like to share my spot. I realize it is not my beach but all the same I like to watch the sun come up without having to worry what someone else, in close proximity, may be up to.

So it was only about 5 minutes later my early morning friend was back with 3 of his buddies and they had flashlights and they were carrying what looked like a huge platform, I was intrigued. So these guys made at least three trips carrying items out close to the surf. I was thinking maybe a photo shoot, I had seen that out here before. Once they started setting things up I could tell that it was going to be something with speakers, they were mounted on portable stands about 15 feet on either side of what turned out to be the stage. I was at a loss, maybe a radio show, maybe a concert I could not figure it out and was getting frustrated because they were distracting me from the majesty of the sunrise. By 5:45 there were at least 10 people out there, I do not think they noticed me sitting amongst the dunes and if they did it did not phase them for me to be there. By 6 there were at least 25 people sitting around and it still had not dawned on me, by 6:15 and after the arrival of at least 25-30 more people it hit me, Easter sunrise service on the beach – how cool is that I thought.

By the time the Preacher, Pastor, Reverend, Father or like I call them “the sermon giver” stood up there were literally hundreds of people scattered all over the beach and dunes. It was about 6:40 when she started her sermon, she was eloquent and impassioned throughout and worked the crowd like a seasoned professional. Before long we were all singing and hollering Amen, we had to holler because the wind was whipping down from the northeast. I am not what one would call a religious person but it was hard not to get caught up in the crowds enthusiasm. She gave a rousing sermon about the death of Jesus and the role Mary Magdalene and the disciples played. My irritation at having my space violated was gone and I enjoyed the service. I am not one who needs protection from religion or religious ceremonies like some on our country do and I can just enjoy being with people who obvious believe and are actively engaged in their faith. Being actively engaged in your beliefs, whatever they might be, I think is the part that a lot of people miss, at least that has been my experience.

It does not matter what you believe, being able to believe it without interference from other people or the government is a right that we all have as Americans. We Americans take that granted, having been around the world and seen oppressed and repressed people in many different societies I know we Americans are lucky to have been born in this country. Without the freedom of religion a society is not truly free. It saddens me that we have come to the point that we feel we need protection from religion, kids can’t say a prayer at graduation, we scrutinize our Politian’s beliefs and the list goes on – why do we do that? Are we so scared that they may be right, are we just that intolerant of something someone else believes, are we hypocrites of the highest order? I do not have any of those answers but I am going to continue to strive to be more tolerant of others religious beliefs, political affiliations, their personal needs and desires and the way others may decide to lead their life. I think that is what religion and spirituality is really, getting along with and helping our fellow man get through their day because that shows who we are, who we really are at our core and not the façade a lot of people throw up in a hypocritical attempt to prove who they are to others. Actually being the better person is important, not just someone who talks about it.

I hope everyone enjoys Easter Sunday, here is a glimpse of the sunrise over the Atlantic ocean this morning at 7:05.

What is with the younger folks and the tattoos?

I have nothing against Tattoo’s, I have 2 myself and Bride has one as well but they mean something to us. I met this younger fellow at work who is probably 22 or 23 and he has a gigantic tattoo on his arm that stuck out below the sleeve of shirt. I asked to see it as I never am ceased to be amazed by the art some people decide to have adorn their human canvas. He shows it to me and tells me it is a “tribal brand”, I thought here is 23 year old white city boy, what possible tribal affiliation could he have. So I ask him what tribe brands their members with that tattoo and his answer stunned me, I dunno. I dunno I thought why would you get a brand that covers all of you arm from elbow to shoulder if you don’t even know what tribe it came from. Being bold I asked what does it mean to you, he says a couple of my friends have them and thought they were cool so they talked him into getting it. I continued, how much did it cost, only to find out it was applied in 8 stages and cost him well over 1000 dollars. A grand and he does not even know the tribe that uses or used that brand, I found that unbelievable.

I would be willing to bet that brand had a very specific meaning to the tribe who used it, I would bet there was an initiation in order to be allowed to have it put on them. Just like jail house or gang tattoo’s or brands, they have a meaning and are not just inked on because their friends thought they were cool. What about bikers, each of their tattoo’s mean something and I assure you they would never tell a story like that about a tattoo that was placed on their canvas, at least none I have ever met. It is almost like the younger generation feel in order to fit in they need a tattoo but they are not sure why and to me that cheapens what a tattoo should be all about. Why is that you might ask, if you don’t have one, it is an artistic expression on the most personal canvas there is. Decisions about what goes onto your personal canvas are not to be left to what others think, you will live with the art for the rest of your life or pay dearly to have it removed. It should mean something to you, something important enough to place it on your canvas and that is not a tribal brand when you do not even know the name of the tribe.

I grew up in a small town in Ohio and flying to Orlando Florida for Navy boot camp and then Chicago for electronics training and then to Norfolk Virginia were all very new experiences for me. My first cruise was a UNITAS cruise around South America and over to the west coast of Africa. Well my little hillbilly ass was in for more surprises than I could even have dreamed of, I was living life and getting to see things that I never dreamed I would see. On that cruise I decided I would get some art applied to my canvas that somehow depicted my embracing life and everything it had to offer. I mean there were all kinds of new things for me to experience, the girlies (a term I used when I was 19), the drink, the foreign customs, the fascination I had talking to Chilean locals about their culture, I was hooked! What was it that would show that I grabbed life and was holding on for life because I did not want to miss a second of it. By the time we got around South America and made it to Brazil I had decided that an eagle screaming through a sunset with his claws out like he was getting ready to snatch up a rabbit was it. That was me, absorbing the new and exciting life.

I got my first ink when I was 19 and I got it in Rio de Janeiro, right out on Copacabana beach in 1985 from a guy who spoke no English and free handed the whole tattoo. Now a days there are a lot of templates that are transferred on and then it is nothing more than filling in, kind like a coloring book and crayola’s. Don’t get me wrong there are some truly special artists out there as well but not all of “graduated with A’s”. A few years later, after a full bird Captain told me I might have a problem with the drinking and I decided I had better loosen up on life or it was going to kill me so I quit drinking, which I am glad I did. Well that signified to me that it was time for more artwork to signify that chapter of my life was over and I was on to the next. It was hard letting go of that lifestyle, full blast at everything I did but I needed to signify that event in a way that was meaningful to me. I decided the next art was going to be a Viking holding up a sword and standing on a skull with the words “live hard” over the top and “die free” meaning I lived my young life hard so I have great stories but then at some point I had to free myself from that and move on. Standing on the skull signified my victory over all of the indiscretions of my foolish youth. Do not misunderstand, I would not change one single piece of the foolishness of my youth, it is what made me who I am and I like who I am.

Does your canvas contain art that has no meaning?

And people wonder why I am concerned about our future and for the youths of America.

Now I just want to preface this post with the fact that I do not have kids and am scared of them, I never know what they are up to and they are suspect. Anyway please do not take any offense to the idiocy I am about to spout, I am sorry if this one offends you. My wife and I are, even though we never had any tricycle motors (kids), avid coloring book fans. Bride is more of a colored pencil artist while I work exclusively in Crayola’s. We are beyond the 64 pack with the built in pencil sharpener, which never worked very well and was, in my opinion, wasteful - it had to create that signature Crayola lip that is right above the tapered point. We have a big Crayola cigar box overflowing with crayons, many sets from small to large to specialty editions.

My current working canvas is a Sponge Bob Square Pants book, coloring books have changes as well and I am not sure I like it. This particular book is more of a story book, in six parts, and I feel that it stifles me, creatively speaking. This book not only has a story written across the top of each page the same characters flow from one page to the next in similar scenes. I do not like the printed story distracting the viewer from experiencing my art, my best pieces are displayed in our home. I have a Dora the Explorer coloring book that is similar, with the printed story across the pages. I also have a couple of the large coloring books, they measure 13.5 x 19.5 inches and are printed on smoother paper. These are double edged swords for me, I prefer the newsprint type paper over the smoother paper. I feel the way the crayola disperses on newsprint type paper is much softer and offers a more consistent spread of the crayon. The smoother paper is usually a little tougher and it allows for rubbing with the finger to properly blend in colors to perfectly match my minds-eye.

So we have colored for about as long as we have been hanging out together, about 20 years and I have always used crayola’s. They started with 8 colors in 1908 and did not step up to 48 until after World War Two. It was not until the late 50’s that the available colors moved up to 64, and the next step up to 72 happened in 1972, these 8 new colors were florescent. In 1990 the names of the fluorescents were changed and 8 more colors were added moving us to 80. In 1990 they retired 8 colors and came out with 8 new ones keeping the count at 80 until 1993 when they added 16 more new colors jumping us to 96 total. In 1998 24 new colors were added bring us to 120 colors of the simple Crayola crayons. In 2003 4 additional colors were retired and replaced with 4 new colors, the count stayed at 120. I had no problems with any of the additions or retirement of colors throughout the years, some I liked better than others but I was color agnostic about it really.

In 2008 is when things spun off the rails, in my opinion, at Crayola. They have surveyed over 20,000 kids and these kids told them what their 8 favorite colors were. They then put those 8 colors into the 50th anniversary 64 pack, this was the introduction to the 8 “kids choice” colors. This is when I started to wonder what in the heck are we teaching our kids in school? Let me explain, the 8 new colors are called, 1) Awesome 2) Giving Tree 3) Famous 4) Fun in the Sun 5) Best Friends 6) Super Happy 7) Happy ever after and 8) Bear hug. I was the gracious recipient of that 50th anniversary 64 pack with the built in sharpener as a present and that is where I found these 8 anomalous Crayola’s. someone needs to know that not one of those is a color, what is going on with our kids. The only one you might guess is the color Giving Tree, it is green. So I thought I would investigate a bit at the Crayola site and find out what in the world was going on with these colors.

So after a bit of searching I found the definitions of those colors and here they are. Awesome – kids feel great about doing well in school. Giving tree – Kids want to help protect the planet. Fun in the Sun – outdoor activities are fun for kids. Best friends – kids love having fun with their parents, their best friends. Super happy – kids want everyone’s dreams to come true. Happy ever after – Kids want everyone’s story to be a happy one. Bear hug – Kids want their homes to feel like a warm cozy bear hug. What kind of crap is that, aside from having BS explanations (I did not think like that as a kid, cozy bear hug my ass) they are not colors! According to the web site “What does COLOR mean to you?” is more important than using the names of what the rest of the real world uses to describe things. I get the question, “what does color mean to you” and I feel it is a critical question, how we feel about things and what they mean to us defines who we are as humans making our way in the world. Those feelings and meanings are however NOT COLORS, why can’t we teach our kids the difference between those things and have them pick actually colors. When I was a kid I used to call things whatever I wanted to call them, it created a lot of problems for me and my parents until I was thought that each thing had a name that the rest of society recognized as assigned to that object. It made my life easier after I learned that.

Anyway if you, or your kids have these eight colors in there palette of Crayola’s please tell them the truth or at least take them out so they won’t be exposed to the lie.

Laws about talking on the cell phone while driving, I say why pick cell phones to discriminate against?

There are four types of distractions that plague folks while driving, 1) visual distractions, focusing on something other than the road, things like tuning the radio or reading billboards. 2) Audible distractions, things like a passenger talking, road noise or blaring the radio. 3) Physical distractions, things like eating and breast-feeding (more on that later). 4) cognitive distractions, things that require you to focus on something other than the driving the vehicle such as talking on the phone or receiving or performing any type of sex act. As you can see cell phones are just the latest thing that can be pointed to as a distraction while driving. Even though the advent of the ear gadget moved talking on the cell out of the physical distraction group, it still falls into the cognitive distraction category, which is more dangerous in my opinion.

There have been countless studies about the topic for sure, cell phones seem to continue to be demonized. One study actually shows that talking on a mobile phone while driving is more hazardous than operating a vehicle while under the influence of alcohol. Having been touched by an incident involving a drunk driver and the gruesome outcome I find it hard to believe that talking on the cell phone is more dangerous. Especially since another survey of 1200 drivers tells us that 73 percent talk on cell phones while driving. So with all these studies the “experts” tell us they have empirical proof that talking on the cell phone while driving is bad. They quotes stats like cell phones distractions cause 2,600 deaths and 330,000 injuries in the United States every year. Do not get me wrong talking on the phone is distracting and should not be done, even with the false sense of security offered by blue tooth gadgets and cars that dial the phone for us. They have removed the physical distraction but the cognitive distractions is still there, focused on the conversation and not the road.

So what other distractions are are just as bad? After looking around a bit I was stunned with what I found. I found a story out of Ohio where a woman was charged with child endangerment after police said she admitted to breastfeeding her child and talking on a cell phone while driving. That one tops the trifecta list for sure right, breast feeding, talking on the phone and driving. What could have been so important that she would be in such hurry that she had to breast feed on the way? What conversation would you need to have on the phone while going there? These are questions that probably do not have answers but they should be asked all the same. The saddest part of this story was it took place very close to where to I grew up in Ohio, I may have known this person.

I have seen people doing all manner of non driving related tasks while on the road, things from reading a book or the paper, performing personal grooming tasks from applying makeup to shaving with an electric razor. I have seen people working on the computer and writing on paper that was strapped to the dash. I have seen people using one hand to stuff a Big Mac in their mouth while the other held some fries and the cell phone on speaker while they drive with their knee. Now with the “aid” of navigation systems folks are paying even less attention to the road, I have seen the movie Iron Man playing on a TV in the dash of a Lincoln Navigator. Even attempting to change the radio station or the temperature of the passenger compartment can be a distraction. The two craziest things I have seen going on at 65-70 miles an hour were both on interstate 95, one in Maryland and the other in Virginia. One, a guy was all over the road behind me and as he went by in his Mercedes I was able to see out my truck window why, his girlfriend was fully engaged in performing oral sex on him, at 70 miles an hour. The other was a couple full on having sex at 65 miles an hour, him driving facing forward and her on top facing backwards. Don’t get me wrong I love sex but since I turned 19 I have refrained from having it in a car, and it was parked at the time not speeding along the interstate.

I try not to judge people but to me it seems ridiculous that we are going after cell phones, there are too many distractions that cause problems for us while on the road to pick on just one. I think maybe we should just stay focused on the road while we drive – they continue to get more crowded and dangerous every day . Couple all the distractions with the level of road rage and it is just a bad situation all the way around. I do not know what the answers to the questions are but if everyone were to just think for a moment before taking for granted how dangerous that action might be while driving 2000 pound weapon we would all be better off.

What is the craziest thing you have done while driving, what is the craziest thing you have seen while driving?

How many items do we need to store on the dashboards of our cars?

When I came out of the breakfast joint I frequent on Saturdays there was an old Lincoln parked right there in front of the door. In front of the restaurant, they have some tables you can eat at, I have never seen anyone eating there but we do sit at them before and after eating while solving the problems of the world. As me and buddies sat there working on issues of global importance I noticed that on the dash of that Lincoln were a great number of items, so we turned our attention to that problem. I guess for some folks it would not be considered a problem but for someone who cannot stand ANYTHING on my dash I saw it as a problem. I am not sure when, exactly, I came to the conclusion that nothing belongs on my car. However I do remember after being rear ended in the mid 80’s and having debris flying from my dash all over me and my passengers, cutting my face in the process and am sure that is what lead me to not store items there. So not storing anything on the dash is a phobia I own and I do not impose my phobia on others, if they want to store their lives in their dash I do not care, I will however comment on it.

This guy took storing items on the dash to a whole new level, the most prominent item on his dash was a loaf of rye bread that looked a few weeks old, barely suitable for bird feed was what I thought. I did not realize how big the dash on a mid 80’s Lincoln was until I started examining this one. One item in particular indicated to me that storing items on the dash was not a new hobby for this fellow. That item was a tassel from a high school graduation, the year on the tassel was 1971. He graduated from high school 38 years ago and still had the tassel, I graduated in 1983 and I do not even know where my diploma is but this guy has the tassel from his mortarboard and better yet he still has it hanging in his car. Another item that caught my attention was the bobble head doll, it was standing stoically overlooking a mass of confusion and standing alongside items ranging from at least 38 years to the relatively new loaf of bread. I could not tell who the bobble head was supposed to be, the sunlight had long since faded all the coloring from the thing, it was mostly white and blue but that was all I could tell.

As I scanned other items on this dash, I also noticed a yellowed newspaper from the day after President Barack Obama was elected, in November, this is April. At least he was keeping a piece of history, whether you voted for him or not his election was historic. I also noticed what looked like unopened envelopes that had been there so long the ink was completely faded away, might have been bills he did not want to pay. It appeared that he also collected pet rocks as he had seven of them scattered across the dash. They were seemingly plain old ordinary stones that may each have held memories for him from different events in his life, who knows. I also saw many candy bar wrappers and found that he liked Butterfinger and Three musketeers bars. They all appeared empty and flat but one of the musketeer bar wrappers may have still had a bar in it that melted over and over again until it was almost completely flattened out. I could not get over the loaf of bread so I was trying to see the “sell by” date in an attempt to determine the exact age. A loaf of old bread, what was this about, I kept asking myself.

So further scans of the dash turned up other items as well, there was also a cup holder glued there with a Styrofoam cup in it, there were magazines, auto traders and other periodicals. I had seen the guy there before and knew he lived close by, sometimes he rode his scooter to breakfast but to look at the dash of his car you would think he lived in that car. You can only imagine what items might be lurking all over the inside of his car, I mean if the bread is on the dash you can imagine what was on the floor and seats let alone in the trunk. I could not see any part of the actual dash, not one square centimeter was visible through the protective layer of items. AHA - Maybe that was it, maybe it was designed as a dash cover to protect the dash from fading and cracking. I have seen expensive custom-made units designed to protect the dash, maybe this was a lower cost alternative to one of those. I concluded that was probably not the case. I was going to stay and wait until he came out to inquire about some of the items he had stored there but had too many errands to run so I let it go. Well I did not completely let it go because here I am talking about it, anyway I think I have let it go now and gotten it all out of my system.

What is the weirdest item you keep on your dash?