So last weekend my Niece and I decided, wouldn’t it be cool if we were to watch the sunrise over the Atlantic ocean here in Jacksonville and then drive over to Cedar Key and watch the sunset over the Gulf of Mexico. So this week we have been plotting our course, the times of sunrise and sunset and determining when we have to leave and all the other details that are involved. This morning we were up by 4:30am and left the house about 4:45 to head on down to the beach. Obviously, the first stop was at the Gate station for our morning coffee. I remember thinking as we pulled in that there seems to be a lot of vehicles in the lot for being so early in the morning. I had not had my coffee yet so I did not dwell on it for very long, I mean without coffee do any of us really operate effectively. So after we pay homage to Jaun Valdez and his coffee bean picking ass, and pay the clerk for the privilege, we are on our way out. The night shift was stocking shelves so there were boxes of stuff and personnel blocking the path to the door. After changing my path, I finally make it to the door, which I hold open for my Niece. As I am holding the door open I remember scanning the parking lot and I notice a well dressed and well groomed woman making her way in from her Mercedes to pay for her gas and probably pick up some goody from the shelves. I also notice a man pumping his gas into an SUV, he was wearing nice slacks and a golf shirt and looked to on his way to someplace important. Keep in mind that it was early and I had not yet had my coffee so when crazy legs showed up I was ill prepared.
Crazy legs you say, well let me just tell ya about that. I at first thought maybe he was handicapped, his legs were spread way apart and he appeared to be in pain and he was definitely having problems walking. His legs were rotating around in a way that I did not think the leg joints would allow and to me, seemed not only to defy simple physics but also defy explanation. It was one of those things you just had to see in order to actually believe, I was there so trust me when I tell, he had CRAZY legs. His shorts were a bright yellow and brown plaid kind of thing and they were flailing around at a speed that made them appear to me to be blurry, I am not sure even now if the pattern was blurry or not blurry. He continued his crazy leg shuffle out of the store and across the parking lot to his vehicle. At this point I was thinking what kind of handicap could make a person walk like that? I also noticed at this point that there was no handicap placard hanging from his rear view mirror, as required by law. Poor guy, I remember thinking what a challenging life he must lead as I got into my old jalopy. Once in the car my Niece asked if I noticed him, I said yes I did and she lets me in on a secret, his pants were actually precariously balanced right below his butt and he was having to perform the Elvis Presley like lower body gyrations in order to keep them from falling to his ankles. I was somewhat disappointed in getting this information so late in the game, I believe the experience would have been heightened for me had I known that information before hand. We did notice that he even had a belt on, I mean he had all the correct items, a pair of sporty and very flashy shorts and a belt but for some reason old crazy legs could not get it all put together correctly, poor guy. We laughed about old crazy legs most of the way to the beach and determined that while it was early for us, it was late for him and we decided surely he was still drunk.
So we get on down to the beach and make our way out with our chairs, camera, coffee’s, towels, phones, flashlight for my Niece and wallet – too much crap, but that is a story for another day. So we get all settled and are sitting in true amazement at the majesty of the vibrant blanket of stars twinkling in the sky. We see one planet, I am told by my Niece that it is a planet because it is so bright and does not twinkle, I seem to remember her saying it was Venus. Planets do not twinkle because they are so much closer to us than stars, which are WAY farther away. Another contributing factor for stars twinkling is they appear as tiny points of light in our night sky and the intensity of the light is small and even more of it is absorbed by moving air in the Earth's atmosphere. Anyway we were not there long, it was still very dark out, and out comes a shadowy figure, wandering what appears to us to be aimlessly around in the dark. After some time my Niece realizes he has a metal detector and is searching for hidden treasure that was surly lurking right below the surface of the sand. This fellow wanders around for quite some time in the dark, later we could tell he had on a set of headphones attached to the metal detector for more accurate metal detecting. Before long, it was definitely light enough for us all to see each other, he continues to wander closer and closer to our outpost. By the time I realized he was less than 20 feet away from us I had already picked up my 3 D-cell Mag-Light, I figure if he gets any weirder I may have to show him why the Mag-Light is carried by the police. The aircraft grade aluminum that is fashioned into a finely crafted and durable yet capable defensive or offensive weapon. He was acting bizarrely and with his lurking around in the dark it made us feel uncomfortable and he seemed even creepier than he may have otherwise seemed. Anyway, he finally moved off towards the water, I was rather irritated at him for distracting me from the splendor of the sunrise, someone that close to our space required me to keep an eye on him with a heightened awareness. During this period of heightened awareness on him I missed the lightening my camera miraculously captured – cool huh?
We were back to watching the sunrise without the distraction of someone lurking around the beach so close to us, I mean there are literally miles and miles and beach and here he is within 20 feet of us in the near darkness – what gives. More and more folks were slowly making their way to the beach the closer we got to the actual sunrise. Not much worried us about any of them, they all remained outside our personal space and seemed not so creepy. Our next funny thing was a woman who had obviously not finished the day before, 6 oclock was not early for her, it was nearly the end of what appeared to be quite a fine evening the night before. She was obviously drunk and still drinking something, although we could not see the label on the can that she persistently was taking sips from, I mean like a sip every 10 seconds. She has put down camp about 50 yards from our location and then removes her dress, she had on a shirt and shorts underneath and into the water she goes She is playing in the surf, apparently thoroughly enjoying herself, and before long she is waist deep and attempting to run south, yes while waist deep in the ocean. Believe it or not she actually does a fine job and make good time and distance towards the south. Before long we lose sight of her and we both get nervous, did she go under? Did she get pulled out by a rogue rip current? Was there a Shark week team from discovery taping a show? Just as we were about to leap into action we see that she has come ashore further down the beach for a rest, whew – we were both relieved to know she was OK. After some time she was back up to her area and she digs into her stuff and comes out with a Styrofoam cup and again with the rapid sipping from the straw. We were convinced that the can was a cola and the cup contained rum, we had no evidence but that is what we decided those content were.
So after the sunrise we are on our way home and we are taking pictures of each other, photo documentation of the trip, when I guy pulls up beside us and paces our speed exactly. He yells something and my Niece turns with the camera and he say s no, no and then makes a face, she snaps the picture, pasted below, and we laugh out loud. Ends up he was curious about the year of manufacture of my old Jalopy, which if you look closely you can see reflected in the side of his SUV. We were very happy about the start of our quest and realized that it was not even 7:30 and we had already seen three bogos on the blue bell. Bogos on the blue bell, what the hell is that you might ask? Well you will have to tune in to my next oratory to find out what that is and how it came to be.
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