Lessons from life:
It seems you eventually come to understand that the tough times illuminate what's really important in your spirit. They disperse the trivia, annoyances and minor issues and make you aware of reality- of yourself as finite, fallible and often helpless. Your wish you could transcend the situation and emotion- but often, you can't. You just have to try to find a way to handle whatever it is, store it in a place where you can absorb it or at least minimize the damage from it and figure out how it affects what you do next. I used to try to just glaze over the bad stuff- "tough it out" -kinda' ignore how bad it really hurt and act like if I ignored it - it would go away = not a realistic or healthy practice as it eventually ferments, expands and explodes into your life. So- I've learned through repeated practice to manage the tough times by trying to confront the tough thing face-to-face and fight it - try to get it 'fixed' and try to move on. Honestly it doesn't always work and some things are too big to fight all at once and you have to fight them in multiple bouts, over multiple years- or even forever.
More importantly these times remind you how precious each day really is and they make me even more committed to 'wring every drop out of every day'.
...today a dear friend who's been fighting ALS (Lou Gherig's disease) decided to be taken off life support , freeing him from paralysis and allowing him to "go to be with the creator of this amazing world"
Powerful stuff right there!
Later I was one FB and noticed he was online, so I pinged him. We “chatted” in the new electronic way for a few minutes, during which I asked him to send me an email with 2 things in it. First I wanted to know the story of they met and secondly I wanted to hear the funniest story he could remember about the two of them. I ask that question of friends who have suffered a loss, I find it helps take the sting out of their loss. Even if for only a moment it gets them remembering their friend instead of their own loss.
He sent me back a two page email telling the story of how they met and about some great adventures they had in Alaska, where his friend had lived since the 70’s. He told me they had become “instant friends”, his friend was amused that he was so excited about being in Alaska. My friend had always planned on getting to Alaska after watching Marlin Perkins tagging Polar Bears on Wild Kingdom as a little kid. I love that show as well, I will sit safely in the boat while Jim wrestles the 30 foot anaconda - that Jim was one bad dude. My friend later got to meet Marlin Perkins while working on a research project for North Carolina State University.
The same day they met, his friend invited him to dinner at his home, he rode with him to pick up his son, all zipped up in a 'Michelin man' snowsuit, from kindergarten and had big grilled Silver Salmon steaks. Later they spent time pouring over maps and planning various treks out to see some of the places on his "list". From that meeting grew one of the best friendships he has ever had, they got to see each other almost every year- sometimes more than once, until now. They worked together on a distance learning project that ran for many years and touched the lives of countless kids that gave them the opportunity to put together a really cool link between the kids in the middle school in Barrow Alaska - the northernmost town in the continental US and the kids in a Middle school in Jacksonville , FL. where the temperature difference between the two places was greater than 100 degrees. My friend told of how the he kids sat there for the first few minutes staring at each other till finally one of the Inupiat kids asked "what kind of music do you all listen to?"- and it was on- a true cultural exchange.
My friend used words like - educator, curriculum developer , Big Thinker and master communicator when describing his friend. His friend had helped him fulfill his adventure quests and had followed him to places even he would have never gone alone, even saying that it helped him discover things about Alaska that he never noticed even though they were right under his nose. My friend, in his thirst for the essence of life, often challenged his friend to 'set his spirit free' - expand his boundaries and to be more adventurous - they once went out to a Glacier when he was suffering through a tough patch and stood and YELLED at the top of their lungs and then laughed their heads off- a practice that brought them much joy and one they adopted and regularly practiced in "THEIR CHURCH". (remote Alaska)
As we chatted on FB he told me about an email exchange they had the day before the life support machines were unplugged. He did not tell me of the contents of his email to his friend but he did share with me what his friend’s reply was, the simple and profound reply was "love you my friend" what more can you say?” After letting my mind absorb that for a moment I told him, “love you my Friend, what more can one say - he was at peace with the world, you know that right?”
So my heart is heavy, not for my loss, but for my friend who lost a GREAT friend. For some reason I am reminded of a scene from the movie, Waking Ned Devine where Jackie (a lead character) delivers a well crafted eulogy about how wonderful it would be to tell a friend you love him while he is still alive. Maybe it was because my friend told me he loved me, we both try to live in the moment and do not mind telling our friends and loved ones how we feel about each other, one never knows when ones time is up and what a shame it would be to miss the opportunity to tell the people important to you what they mean to you.
Buddy, you must go find that movie, Waking Ned Devine, and watch it, after that I want you to go find yourself a great cigar, head north till you find a snow covered lake and have a yell, yell and laugh and remember your great friend. Thanks for sharing the stories with me brother.
Here is picture of them, having a yell on a glacier in Alaska.
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