Have a nice day - A&^hole

I am not sure how long it has been since someone has said that to me, if ever. I do not remember it ever happening but knowing me like I do, it probably happened or at least someone thought it and just did not say it. Well this has to start with a question about gas station etiquette. I was pulling into a pumping station that had two pumps, one in front of the rear. There were two rows of these dual pumps, for a total of eight pumping stations, with an additional four on the other side of the building. So I pull into the lane and I notice that a woman at the front pump was getting into her car so I waited. I was always taught to pull up to the front pump if it is open so other folks can get to the first pump. That is where my question is, what is the etiquette there? Do you know? I looked around on the internet and I found some reference to that being the right thing but it is the internet so who knows.

So the car at the front pump gets in, gives the kids each a treat, and some other motions that I could not make out. I waited about 25 seconds and was about to just stop at the back pump, thinking that they may be butchering pigs in that car in order to make some homemade pork rinds (that is how slow it appeared). But just as I put the car in reverse to back up they sped away. So I pull on up and get out of the car. I have already slid my debit card in the pump when I hear and “excuse me”. So I look around and see a woman in a green Toyota Corolla glaring at me, her car was sitting nose to nose with Jalopetta, looking sort of like a prize fighter squaring off with the much lesser opponent. I make eye contact and she asks me to back up to the other pump. I was stunned by the question, especially since her Corolla was not sitting there when I got out of my car.

I glance around the parking lot and notice that 3 of the eight other pumps are not currently occupied. There were pumps situated that would allow her to pump gas into her car, no matter the side her gas filler was located. I said to her, what? She asked again to back up, I played stupid (it was easy) and asked what? And I even put my hand up to my ear in a gesture that I was sure indicated I was hard of hearing. She was by this point getting irritated, I could tell and that kind of made me smile. I smile at folks whose lives are so petty as to get pissed at where they put gas in their car. She then hollers – “back up to that other pump so I can get my gas”. So it went from a somewhat friendly asking me to move to more of an order, like a drill sergeant might holler at a recruit. Well I got out of the military in 1993 and I have not taken to someone barking orders at me since then. I looked around and said “there are other pumps open”. To which she responded, “ I just drove around the lot to get to that pump” I just simple told her “I am not moving, you are going to have to go to one of these other pumps”.

Well it became obvious that her primate limbic brain was under a great deal of stress and I am pretty sure her blood pressure was elevating out of control, So obvious was this that I considered calling 911 in a preemptive attempt to save this poor woman’s life. I have been cut off at gas stations more times that I can even count, I have never made a comment to anyone about it. Sometimes you’re the bug, sometimes you are the windshield has been one of my life philosophies. I simple wait for the next one. I do not recall ever doing it to someone else but I suspect as many times as I have pumped gas it has to have happened. If someone’s life is wrapped so tightly that they would act like an idiot at a gas station, what must the rest of their lives be like – I always feel sad for them.

So after I informed her that I was not moving, I already had the pump nozzle in my hand, she said “WELL HAVE A NICE DAY”. I suspect, since she was yelling at this point in a very sarcastic way, that she was not really concerned at all about the outcome of my day. After that she then lowered her voice about 10 decibels and said “asshole”. I started laughing and that did not really help her mood at all. As she was driving away, to some other open pump, I heard "asshole" again, to which as I hollered “there are other pumps open. Now I normally do not engage, I could not help myself – I added “asshole” to the end of my conversation with her. I am not sure where she went but when her squealing tire sped off I could tell the rest of her day was ruined, I laughed to myself just a little bit. By the time I left the gas station Bride and I were already done laughing about it.

Have a nice day a*^hole!