Good Damn Question

So, Bride asked me last night if I had ended up now where I had planned to be when I was a younger man.  No one has ever asked me that question in quite that way before. This is actually a very good question, at least I think so. It really made me think about my youth and where my young and mostly dumb self thought I might be at age 50.

The truth is, I have never once really contemplated "where" I would be during any stage of my life.  As with most people, at least I hope, I spent a good deal of time contemplating the "who" I would be on my journey on this ride through my life. My life experiences, starting at a young age, reinforced the fact that the "who" was much more important.

I have spent time thinking about "what" I wanted to do, and I have done a few things over my life, which were all pretty different and provided me great experiences and memories. I did the rebellious youth thing and learned a lot of things the hard way. I did the single thing and I liked that. I did the Navy thing, and liked it. I did the civilian thing and liked that to. I am doing the married things and I love that. I attempt to use each step on the path to further develop the "who" part.

I spent a lot of time determining "how" I would progress through life and work. I was probably naive but…… I felt at 18, as I feel today, that with the application of hard work, the “how” will always get better. I have been extremely fortunate in that regard. In the Navy I learned as much as I could, reading technical manuals for fun. I honed my crafts, being one with the electronic gadgetry and learning how to motivate and encourage people to be the best they could be.

I found it was never terribly hard for me to stand out. First I had to know my shit, so I spent, and still spend, a lot time learning my shit. Next you had to get along with others, so I focused on, and still focus on, getting along with others, Robert Fulghum's “All I really needed I know I learned in kindergarten” was a big help. Next you had to work your ass off, so I did that, and still do that, more often than, not as well. 

Those skills and the processes used are applicable to work, to friendship, to life and to marriage. Those three attributes are some of the keys to success, in my opinion, for all of life. Again, all of that was being applied to developing the "who" I was, not necessarily where I would be at any particular point along the way. I always had a blind optimism that those traits would always keep me moving up professionally and make me a better person, friend, husband, as I journeyed along.

I just love this question, Bride just dropped it on me after completely kicking my ass at Trivial Pursuit. This question is so thought provoking. I have never had a destination in mind for my life. I guess I always knew I would get there, and there would be wherever my journey takes me.  I did have a thought about "where" geographically speaking, I knew I wanted to live in Florida, and I did for 25 years.

Having a notion about where we want to be at certain points in our lives seems counterproductive to me. It makes it about the destination and not the journey. The one absolute in life is that it happens, the good, the bad and the ugly. There are only about 9.999 giga-bajilloion variables that could impact the exact destination. Seems to me that is almost setting ourselves up for failure, or at least disappointment.  How many kids who wanted to be an astronaut actually became astronauts?  I ended up working in TV and radio instead of walking on the damn moon and my life experiences are no less rich for it either.   Life has a way of diverting our journey, and that is OK.

If we focus on the here and now, we spend our time figuring out how to enjoy, or at least tolerate it.  We have the opportunity to enrich our lives with those experiences, regardless whether we perceive them to be rotten or great. Looking at the positive in all things seems to me so much better than being pissed about not walking on the moon.

All we ever have is the moment, the one that is going on right now and if we spent our time being anywhere else we are doing a disservice to ourselves, our family and our friends.  How we react to what life offers is really all we have, we can choose that reaction every time and it makes our moods either positive or negative - choice is always ours, including choices that will change our circumstances.

Sadness scan come from pondering a past event, anxiety can come from pondering future events, and contentment comes from enjoying the moment. For me, right now my dog is sleeping at my feet, country music is playing on the TV and bride is in the back yard talking to a sister, don't know which one though. I am a very happy man.

Another thing that comes with spending time on the "where" is the worrying created about the "when". When we focus on the ride, the where and when and all the worry and stress related just fades away. The “who” is what you wake up with every morning, what you go to bed with every evening and what makes you the person you are.

I am the most fortunate human I know, not because of any of the trappings and successes I have in the world we live in. It is because I have 50 years of experiences, personal and shared, and a life time of friends that have made me who I am today and brought right to here, a pretty damn good life with Bride. The story of your life is going on around you, stop worrying about where you are going and start enjoying the damn ride!

I am exactly where I was meant to be at moment!