A few days off from the Facebook - what an experience

So last Monday night Bride and I were sitting around playing on our gadgets, we both have iPads.  I realized as I watched her, she was playing a game, that we spend an inordinate amount of time on our gadgets.  We play games, surf the old interwebs, catch up on the news and play on the Facebook and that is the short list of things we do on our gadgets.  It dawned on me how much time we spend with our faces in the gadgets and not on each other.  My favorite thing in the world to stare at is her face, not my electronic gadget.  I realized I was addicted to Facebook.  There have been studies that indicated each like or reaction to one of our posts trigger a lot of the same centers in our brains that heroin addicts trigger when they get a fix.  That is kind of scary when ya think about it. 

So, within about 2 minutes I decided that I would take a week off from Facebook.  I also decided a couple of other things, I would have Bride change my password so I would not be tempted.  I could always send in the request for a password change but I am hopeful that I am strong enough to not actively try to break in.  At the end of one week I will have Bride log me back in and we will see.  The other thing I decided to do was the write a blog about my experience.   Since many of the same areas of the brain are impacted I wondered if I would go through the withdrawals like an addict might.  I don’t know but I figure I might just learn a bit about myself through the process.

Evening one off the Face Book

So usually I am checking my FB quite often, I could not even count the times I glance at it or roam around in it.  It has become so much a part of my routine that I don’t even notice.  Almost like olfactory fatigue, where once exposed to a smell long enough your system just sort of tunes it out and you can’t smell the offensive odor anymore.  After Bride changed my password I felt a bit of anxiety, how weird that was.  I don’t recall what time that was but within an hour I had reached for my pad at least 5 times.  I realized how dependent I was almost immediately.  Usually the last thing I do before going to sleep is take one last run through to see what is going on with my friends.  It seems stupid even typing this, the last thing I do before going to sleep is FB’ing?  WTF?  I instead spent some additional time researching some work things and then spend a bit reading a book called the Blue Mind by Wallace J. Nichols, it is a book about the impact or water on us from a scientific perspective.  Lots of research has been done going back to the stone age and with the new fMRI technology we are able to gather a great deal about ourselves, yet to be determined in my opinion if and what we can learn from any of it.  Some things should remain a mystery in my opinion.    

Day one off the Facebook

I can’t believe how silly this sounds but apparently the first thing I do in the morning is spend a few minutes on the Facebook, even before I get out of bed.  I slipped into such a routine I did not even realize how pervasive my addiction was.  So this morning there was none of that.  I played with the dog, made Bride coffee and off to work I went, no Facebook fix at all.  As I was driving in and waiting at a red light I snapped a couple of pictures of the sunrise and magnificent cloud formations, I clicked share on FB and realized – no joy!  That is as programmed a response as can be.  I was doing that almost on a subconscious level.  I know folks appreciate my pictures of the world around me, or maybe they don’t.  I base that one someone who see them clicking “like” or making a comment.  How easy is that and does even that become a conditioned response?   It sure is weird all the things that are popping into my head as a work my way through the first day without my FB fix.

I do not normally get on FB much at work.  Sometimes at lunch and sometimes when I just take a break I may jump on to take a look.  It really had become an unconscious thing for me, I would do it and not even notice I had done it.  I clicked on the FB shortcut on computer a number of times today, weird.  How can something like this have crept into my psyche without me realizing it had happened.  All data from day one is pointing to the fact it is an addiction issue, or at a minimum it presents like an addiction problem.                 

Day two off the Facebook

Wow, it is hard for me to describe the feelings I have had today.  I am stunned how much like what I think detoxing must be like.  My anxiety has been high all day.  Again, it is amazing how unconscientious my use of the Facebook was.   I highly encourage you to try this, the experience is enlightening.   As I sit here I wonder, had I weaned myself down would this experience be different?   They say cold turkey is the hardest way, I am not sure I agree.  When I quit drinking, I just quit.  I had no plan, I had not forethought.  A situation arose, what they call in the military an alcohol related incident, and I decided I was done – voila.  Same came when it came to quitting the last time, a little over 8 years ago.  I had no plan, I had not forethought.  I just woke up one morning and said I am done, bought some patches and - voila. 

I don’t suspect I will remove myself forever from the Facebook but I think I will most assuredly reevaluate my use and probably have scheduled pauses from it as we move forward.  It would be hard to lose the relationships I rekindled with so many folks from all over my past.   I actually found myself talking at work today about being off the Facebook.  It is almost as if I am somehow seeking justification to go back from sympathetic coworkers.  I asked Bride to change my password, I am glad I did that.  To sneak back in I will have either ask her for it, failing or having FB send me a reset link, again failing and deception – argh! 

Day Three off the Facebook

MAN THIS IS HARD!  I had no idea stopping playing on the Facebook would manifest all these feelings.  As I know a bit about addiction and have read a lot, this is as close as I can imagine to detoxing, from something as simple as a app on an electronic gadget.  It is scary to think about if something were to happen that caused a wide spread outage of not just facebook but connection to the world.  For example, a couple of satiltiee going out, a few major interweb hubs, fiber cross points or a coordinated cyber attack that takes it all down. 

Think about  if your electronic gadgets stopped working, would you even know the phone numbers of all your loved ones?  What would your emergency communication plan be.  How would we know what surrounds us if the GPS on our gadgets is not working.  How would we find out way when traveling?  Who still has a paper map in the glove box, or the big Rand McNally road map book in your house?  What would happen if all of the sudden you were not able to text?  No emoticons – OH NO!!

 

I am not saying any of that will happen, I am only describing my reaction to Facebook withdrawals.  These are the things that are popping into my head.  My mind is racing, to make it worse I get email from FB telling me about birthdays, the activity on my “Damn it is good to be a Smith” page as well as when someone tags me in something or places little things on my timeline.  That is like dangling a speedball in front of an addict who is three days into recovery – holy hell this is hard.  Today is the first time I have wondered if I will make it the whole seven days I told myself I would make.  Even that seems funny, I cannot even reach out to my friends on FB to talk about it.  My friends in real life seem to just look at me and laugh, the way one might at a stupid drunk brother in law at a wedding.               

I thought by now it would be getting easier, I suppose I should be grateful that at least it is not getting any worse.

Day four, the pressure is letting up a bit, Bride mentioned that I might be turning into a bitch so I guess I am not quite out of the woods yet.  I focused on work both Friday and Saturday, proposal is due Tuesday afternoon and it requires a lot of research and work.  At least it kept my mind occupied. 

Sunday morning, day 5 I have decided to finish this blog and then ask Bride for my password.  Some of the things I have learned through this I am somewhat addicted to Facebook.  This morning while watching the sunrise from my chair in the water at Atlantic beach I really started evaluating what Facebook is to me.   Do I want to abandon it?  Do I want to go back to the way I was, unconscientiously checking in to see what was going on?  Do I want to monitor a bit and get back to where I am aware the impact it is having on me.         

Just as information is not knowledge and knowledge is not wisdom I think there are some analogs that be found in facebook and other social media.  I have limited myself to just facebook and do not tweet, pin or otherwise engage in other forms of social media.  For sure that will remain the same, I will only use facebook for now.  When I say use, that is what I mean.  I use facebook to stay in touch with people I would otherwise not have the opportunity to do.  That spans all the way back to Sharon, who was my pre kindergarten babysitter all the way through current best friends.  What I am going to do is cull the herd, not so much of friends but of other nonsense that I have liked over the years.

I want to use FB as a communication tool for effective communication, not just the passive scrolling of peoples lives.  I have always been one who private messages folks to check in on how things are going for that person.  I suspect I do that much more than most, I do not often get many PM’s that are not in response to mine and that is OK.  FB, as traditionally used, is not communication, just as not knowledge is not wisdom.  I am going to strive to not be so absent mindedly absorbed by the Facebook and strive to use it in a way that enriches my relationships with my friends.  Those who are more just acquaintances or the folks who do not bring something meaningful to my life are will gone from my FB world by the end of today.

That means that if you see me tomorrow, you contribute to my well being and I want to thank ya for being my friend.  I urge you each to try getting off for a week, overall it was an interesting exercise.  One I plan to repeat once every few months to evaluate my absorption.