Why are we so quick to judge others and so slow to judge ourselves?

We seem to do it almost subconscious and we do it all the time – why? We judge folks who are driving in a way that does not satisfy us, we call them idiots or dumbasses or worse. We let that anger at them affect our own driving. We grip the wheel a little tighter, we stomp a bit more on the pedals, gas and brake. We stop paying as much attention to others around us, and then someone is saying similar things about us and doing the same thing. The next thing ya know, everyone on the road is pissed off and driving like an idiot and for what? So we can get to our destination a few seconds earlier? So we can get to the red light one car length (15-20 feet) ahead? In comparison to the trip, 15-20 feet will turn out to be a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of the total distance traveled. Do you think your anger at the dumbass driver is affecting him or her or their health in the same way it is affecting yours? Of course not.

We judge the folks who are slow in the line at the bank, at the grocery or at the pool store, we call them pokey, slow or worse. We think that we must be serviced in an unrealistic time frame, this goes back to a blog I wrote about patience and why I think the world is a mess, here is the link old oratory link We have all seen the person go ballistic in line because the cashier or the customer is slow. If you have not seen that then you have seen someone just sigh a big sigh over and over again and then move to another line that appears to be moving faster – or you have been living in a cave for the last 20 years0. And the funny thing is that Mr. Murphy and his blasted laws will get them every time. Once they are ensconced in a different line the line they were originally in miraculously speeds up. Now the slow poke or idiot has become peppy and speedy and they watch in growing frustration the person who was behind them walk out the door, while they are waiting for three more people to be serviced.

We judge folks who dress in a way that does not meet our standards – we call them bums or slobs or worse. We think wow, their clothes sure are shabby and dirty and might even think – they should clean themselves up. Even though we have ZERO idea about what hand life has dealt this person we think they should just get their shit together. We have passed judgment, instead of asking if they need something or just giving them the change in your pocket we just judge, I try to keep change in my pocket for just such occasions.

We judge folks on simpleton things as well, why are you not pushing the elevator button fast enough, why did that person stop there to tie their shoe, why is that person typing so slow and this list goes on and on and on and on some more. So what is wrong with us, we just seem to be so wrapped up in ourselves that nothing but our needs and desires are important. We judge folks for walking right in front of us, we judge them for the way they eat at restaurants and we judge them for the things they do for entertainment. We judge a lot and I think we are almost taught to judge. Look at media, news and regular programs, look at our work places and places we frequent, this person is a better singer, that person is more glamorous. Instead we should just enjoying them making their music or spend the time to find the beauty in them.

So this morning I was sitting on the beach at a few minutes after 5am to watch the show, it was magnificent as always. When I go I like to just sit and admire the beauty of it. I try hard not to think about any problems I might be having, I try not to think about work I just sit and stare. So this morning I was sitting there and about 5 minutes before the sun came up my friend Roy wandered out on the beach. We talked for a while as we admired the stunning magnificence of a sunrise. We talked about how it NEVER gets old and how excited we get when we get to watch it on the beach. This morning he told me some stories about his parents, we laughed and contemplated life and all the intricacies of it, a hell of ride I said. Since I get there so early I get great parking, usually one of the closest three spots, today was no exception.

When I was leaving I was walking out with my plastic chair and as I get to my car to get the camera and tripod and all put in a fellow pulls up behind where I am and asks I am leaving. I say yes, here in a minute. I have dropped the chair behind the car and am putting the cameras and phone in the front seat and then I go start knocking the sand off my chair, it has been less than 30 seconds at this point, and I can tell by his body movements that the guy who is waiting for my spot is getting frustrated with me and the apparent slowness of my actions. That did not really motivate me to go any faster and to tell ya truth is actually made me want to go slower. I have nearly gotten my chair strapped in the back of jalopy and am ready to dust off my feet and this guy loses his patience with me and drives away in a huff. I would suspect that if I had looked over he would have been telling me I was number one by showing me just the one finger that made him feel better. Me, laughing out loud as he squealed away probably did not help his mood either.

For me the beach is a place to relax, rejuvenate and enjoy myself, I wondered why this man who squealed away would be coming to the beach before 7am. Was it to relax, was it to enjoy himself, was it to meet someone? Who knows but I suspect that his day was not starting out as well as he planned. Well I went through the same routine I go through each and every time I come off the beach and then fired up jalopy and backed out. Although I have never timed it, that routine takes maybe a minute and half, tops. I will never time it either because it does not really matter to me how long it takes. Well somehow I think I inadvertently poured a bit of salt in the wound for this guy because as I pulled away and someone else pulled into my spot, this guy was making his way towards the beach on the sidewalk a few spots down from where my car was parked. I watched him carefully and he never once looked over at me and he looked mad as a hornet whose nest was just sprayed with poison.

I try really hard not to judge folks, the ones on the top of our society or the ones on the bottom. I try not to judge their actions, we most times will only have a very limited amount of information anyway. Not enough certainly to pass judgment. One of the things that has taught me patience is driving cars that are 53 and 48 years old – patience in many areas actually. Because I work on them I have to patient, when working to get a right lower control removed if one rushes it could be disastrous with very costly side effects. When driving you do not want to be aggressive, the old cars do not have the responsiveness of the newer more costly modes of transport. No following too close or going to fast – there could be disastrous with very costly side effects. We have all had adversities in our life that we can use, use to practice patience or use to make things worse. Every bad situation is only bad if we do not spend the time to look for the positive, look for that life lesson that we can take away from that situation.

So I am asking that the next time you find yourself getting frustrated at someone or something for some stupid reason I want you to think of me and remember some idiotic thing that I did in your presence. I have been doing idiotic things my whole life so I know you will each remember a situation that will make you forget the perceived problem that is facing you and hopefully it will make you just smile  Even as I write this I suppose I am judging that man from this morning. Please remember that everyone you will ever meet has some personal hell they are dealing with that we will never know anything about and probably could not begin to understand even if we did know. Try judging yourself with the same reckless abandon you might judge others with – it is a hard bar if not impossible bar to get over.