Funerals suck and especially so around the two year anniversary of losing my Mom

Recently a great friend of ours called to let us know that her Mom was being transferred to Hospice care. That sucks and it does not matter who or why! When we got the call, my heart was heavy, for my dear friend and her Mom and the rest of her family. We have been friends for about 7-8 years and have not been in as close a contact as we once were and I am not even sure why. I suppose our lives just got busy and we have not seen each other for a while. I think that is the poorest excuse ever and I am ashamed to admit it but that seems to be the truth of it. Her and her daughter are came over this weekend and spent the night and Bride and I really enjoyed the visit and catching up. My friend is one of the most intriguing and by far the smartest person I know but she is also so down to earth it makes it easy to be friends.

Bride had just met her and became friends right before her husband passed away, unexpected while on a trip to Michigan. That was a terrible time and she was hurting when I first met her. I could not then and cannot now imagine what it will be like to lose a spouse. We spent a lot of time together, her and her daughter and us. Bride and her worked together so it made it convenient for all of us. The more I got to know her the more I realized how much I enjoyed being around her, she is very smart and I like hanging around with smart people, it make me feel smart and I always hope that some of that will rub off on me. Her daughter was a joy as well, we played in the pool and we enjoyed her company. She was insulin dependent so I learned how to do the testing and even administered the shot a couple of times. That is somewhat scary and I was very scared the first time I had to do it. Finger pokey and arm pokey she called it and it was handled almost like a game. Big responsibility having and or caring for a diabetic child, I would wither under that type of pressure.

I met and saw my friends Mom on various occasions and I learned quickly that she was a great cook. She was a fantastic woman and we enjoyed going to her home in the World Golf Village. She was German and I was fascinated by tales of World War II Germany from the perspective of non military normal folks. She had lots of stories from that time in her life, a young girl living in Germany when a tyrannical leader was waging a war against everyone who was not Aryan. She once made this absolutely beautiful standing rib roast and we dined like kings. She later brought out the desert, Tiramisu. I have had Tiramisu before and since but she ruined the desert for me. I have not before or since had that desert where it even came close to comparing to hers. I am not sure what she did or how she created that masterpiece but I am here to tell ya, it was FABULOUS! That was just one delicacy I sampled, everything she made was the same, really good and better than my previous experience with it. Hell even her mashed potato’s were stellar and how do you do that, mashed potato’s are just that – mashed potato’s.

When we received the call that “Liz” had passed it was sad, especially so for me as I had been thinking a lot about my Mom. My Mom passed on March 17th of 2009 and I know how hard it is to lose your mother. I got to pondering the differences between Liz and my Mom and they were MANY! I loved them both and they both had outstanding traits and they both had some not so outstanding traits. I loved my Mom and I wish she had been a better cook, she sucked when it came to cooking and meal planning in general. There are myriad stories in our family about a burned meal here, not enough food for this function or that. She was a chronic underestimater when it came to determining how much food was needed for an event she was hosting. I remember more than one occasion when it was just family that she had to start cutting orange Danish’s into three pieces. Yep, a 3 inch pastry that is about an inch think was cut into three individual pieces and served. The memory is making laugh out loud as I am typing this. This was never an issue that Liz had, I suspect not ever.

The ceremony was held at the Our Lady of Good Counsel Catholic Church on Route 16 close to the end of World Golf Village drive. It is a beautiful church and the father gave a beautiful service. I could tell he knew her well and liked each other. He made me cry a couple of times with stories and especially when he explained his reasoning for the scriptures that were read. He knew her very well indeed to have picked those three readings. My Friend gave one and she also gave the eulogy, I cried again during that. It was weird, as much as I knew Liz and loved the time I got to spend with her I think I was sadder for my friend because I could relate to that pain she was feeling. I know that may sound callous but I was sad for my friend and the pain she was feeling, her mother was already out of pain had made the trip up to heaven already so for me it was all about my friend. She was a rock, there is no way I would be able to deliver a eulogy, I tried speaking once at a funeral for a very good friend of mine and it was VERY difficult for me. I guess I was not blessed with the ability to express myself in such situations, those who are able to do that are my hero’s.

So as the Father was speaking he told the story of the church dinners and how she would bring special treats to those who were volunteering to cook and serve. Did I mention that she was a GREAT cook and her pastries were unrivaled? Anyway he related a story of one of the volunteers who would great her and take the trays of goodies, and believe it or not he would hide them all for himself, these are the Fathers words so I have to believe him. Plus I could see myself doing the same thing, I laughed about the story. Then he mentioned the man’s name, it was even funnier that I know him. I have yet to speak with him since the funeral but you can rest assured I will be poking a bit of fun at him about that. I am sure we will each have Liz stories to share as well. After the service there was a graveside ceremony and interment, this was going to be problem I could tell because it was raining and I mean throwing it down. We drive through this monsoon down to the south end of St. Augustine and when we arrive at a very small tent that is completely drenched, including the chairs. It was funny really, to me it was like, a thing where she got the last laugh. We all huddled together as the wind blew rain in sideways and the Father said a few words and we were back in our cars within 15 minutes.

Back to the church we went for the reception and food, of course. We had a great time, I was not sure I would but we sat next to a fascinating lady. We told stories and I listened to some incredible stories of hers. She told us of a trip out west and how her husband died and about her 75 acres of commercial timber. She was fascinating. She told of this three week trip out west to see Rushmore and Crazy horse and some of the other national monuments and parks. She was so happy that they just did it, even though it was very difficult for her to get the time off from her nursing job. She was just so happy to have done it and kept saying, if you get the chance to do something like that to just do it. I am still fondly remembering both my friends Mom and my Mom as well. Death always brings deep contemplation for me. Not necessarily to determine the meaning of life but to relive in my mind the great times I share with the deceased. I miss my friends Mom, I hurt for my friends loss and I hurt myself remembering my Mom at the anniversary of her death.