1958 Jalopy - 2012 Chevy Tahoe - WHAT a difference

So as you know I drive a 1958 Jalopy, here it is. 

I recently rented a 2012 Chevy Tahoe, here it is.

So, for those old enough to remember it, this was previously known as the K-5 blazer.   Chevy produced the K-5 (the king of off road vehicles) from 1969 until 1994, when they changed the name to Tahoe in the 1995 model year.  Anyway, that is not the point of this blog.

We left for Tampa while it was still dark and at some point I accidently hit a button that turned on the rear wiper.   It was dark and I did not want to stop to figure out where the button was so it flapped back and forth for a bit over an hour and half until the sun came up and I could see where to turn the thing off at.  We stopped along the way to get a cold drink and use the restroom.  I took this opportunity to familiarize myself a bit with all the knobs, buttons, levers and other electronic interface devices in this magnificently complicated vehicle.

Now as I said, I drive a 1958 ford Ranchero, fondly referred to as “Jalopy”.   I have on my dash 6 knobs, two of which open air vents to the outside.  One is for the lights, one for the wipers and one for the heater, yep one knob controls the heat and fan.  If we count the input device, non-electronic of course, there are a grand total of one, it turns on the left turn signal when I push it down and the right turn signal when I push it up.  Now I do have a couple of buttons on my radio because some jack-wagon chopped up the dash to install a new style radio, the idiot, and I have not been able to find a replacement dash so I live with it.  All of these are within reach from the driver’s seat.  Also there are also no nested menus on anything and especially with 9 deep directories within those menus.  Seems with those 7 knobs and one input device I can make my life work, it all makes sense to me.  I did not have to read a manual to learn what the knob labeled “lights” meant, it was pretty self-explanatory and easily understood by anyone with a pre-kindergarten pre-school education. 

So with this Tahoe, I was just blown away with the technology that was jammed into this thing.   I was so impressed that this morning before I took it back I sat there, surrounded by more electronic gadgetry than was in use in the freaking space shuttle.  I decided to do a little exploring while I sat here, counting knobs, buttons and other interfaces and menu directories.  This will AMAZE you, or at least it amazed me!!  Within easy reach of the driver’s seat there are 90 buttons, some of which perform multiple tasks.  90 BUTTONS, what the hell!!! That does include the six way switch that controlled the position of the seat.  I forgot that ONE in my Jalopy.  It is a knob with a mechanical linkage to a mechanism that manipulates a series of pegs that allow the drive to move the seat closer to the dash.   90 BUTTONS, what in the world is going on?  There are 23 alone that control the radio, and best I could tell most of those are multifunction buttons that do many things dependent on the mode one might have the radio operating in.  CRAZY!!  There are also four functions alone for the rear wiper. 

Don’t get me wrong, I am a gadget head and not fearful of technology.  As a matter of fact I have made my living implementing and maintaining the latest technologies but come on – do we really need that level of sophistication within easy reach of the driver’s seat?  I shit you not that there are 12 different modes that can be changed using the turn signal lever, and that is NOT including actually using the directional to tell folks which way you might want to turn.  I am surprised that we do not have some little gadget that is monitoring your eyes and then turns the signals on based on where the driver might be looking.  I wonder when they tell me that I should not text while driving, hell there are more than enough distractions on the dash of this modern marvel to kill you 1000 different ways. 

Now up to this point I have only been talking about the physical knobs and buttons, I now want to talk for a minute about the menus.  Now just keep in mind that 5 of those previously mentioned 90 buttons are dedicated to driving and manipulating the electronic menu system.  I found that I could follow my fuel usage, average as well as in real time.  It also keeps track of and displays the transmission temperature.  Now I have been a motor head all my life and can’t for the life of me why a driver would need that information available on the dash board.  When I started the car, the temp was 72, the temperature outside.   By the time I had reached the rental place, it had risen to 140 degrees.  Not sure what that meant or why I would need to know it.  Funny thing though, when the fellow went out to check the mileage, he could not figure out how to get the menu back to indicated the mileage.

So as I played in this menu hell I realized, one had better plan on reading the owner’s manual on how to operate and understand the meaning of all the different information that can be provided to the driver.  I am not kidding it was crazy, maybe everyone else already knows this but for one who drives an old car, I had no idea.  I actually found out how much life that the oil had left, it was at 16%, what that means, who knows.  16% of 3000 miles, or is there some super cool gadget that is actually monitoring the molecular structure of the oil and providing the user direct feedback?  16% of the 3000 miles is the standard I have been using for my entire adult life, that means there are 480 miles left until that oil literally turns to water and stops being an effective lubricant.  Bullshit I say!!

I also noticed that I could find out the tire pressure in each of the tires, included the spare.  As I am a curious one I looked into how that works.  Seems they install a wireless device inside the rim, that little marvel monitors the pressure with a standard transducer type device, nothing new there.  Then it sends RF signals to a receiver inside that car that has been assigned tire monitoring duty.  No new technology there, only taking already proven technologies, combining them and applying them to a situation that really does not need it applied to.  That system alone adds hundreds of dollars to the cost of that car.   That monster starts at 40 grand and I suspect the model I was driving to be fully loaded so it is probably closer to 60k.  hahaha, that is more than I paid for my first house. 

Engine hours, different languages for the instrumentation as well as direction, the compass could be calibrated by mashing a button and driving in circles, were available at the touch of a button.  I learned I could find out how many hours the engine had been running, an electronic version of the mechanical one seen on old tractors.  There was of course the backup camera, hidden right there in the mirror.  Yep, I thought it was only a mirror, but when the vehicle was placed in reverse, BAM, about a third of that mirror turned into a backup camera.  It also has some sort of radar or sonar, sonar I suspect that initiated a beeping in the passenger cabin as I got to close to some object behind me.  In this case it was Jalopy as I backed into the driveway.

Well I for one think new cars are cool, but they are just too complicated, God only knows what it would cost to fix some of that stuff when it quits working.  I also got to thinking about what other information that computer is keeping track of, the cars exact location, the speed of the vehicle, it staggers the imagination to think about what it is tracking, it knows how hot the transmission is for petes sake!!  My old Jalopy, the only fancy technology in there is my Crackberry when I carry it in there with me.  Nope, for me I will be sticking to the old faithful Jalopy type cars.   If you have one, good for you but think about all the information that car is gathering about you as you go about your daily life.

Another one about our Puppy - Damn I miss Him!!

You want me to do WHAT??

It has been a couple of days since we lost Newton.   When I wrote the last blog the hurt was still very fresh and I just wrote down things that popped into my head.  I was all over the place but today I will try to do better.  There are so many funny Newton stories over the 12 years he was our dog that I could just not write them all down.  We had dogs when I was a kid, Timmy, Marmaduke and a little German Shepard mix whose name I cannot recall.  Newton was my first dog as an adult, although we have had a number of cats.  Bride and I got our first cat when we were just dating, Zappa because he was black and white with a little black patch on his chin.

Newton was an AKC registered Boston Terrier, even thought he was close to twice as big as they are ever supposed to get.  There were lots of funny comments over the years about his size.  Most often people would just say, is that a Boston terrier?  Bride got to telling people that he was a Texas terrier, everything in Texas is bigger they say.  Since she is from Texas, that explanation worked.   Bride had him in obedience training when he was a puppy and I remember her coming home upset one night early on.   She told me that one of the breeders at the dog club where the training was being held just looked at Newton and said, wow, that dog has a lot of Staffordshire terrier in him.  She was devastated, she was VERY proud of Newton and to have a stranger so bluntly dis her dog hurt her feelings. 

The last couple of days without Newton have been tough!!  We do have Darrel and Darrell the kitties but the house just does not seem as full.  I remember Bride and me sitting around the house the evening we lost him and talking about never getting another dog.  That first day was tough, we cried and laughed a lot.  The next day I took off from work and we just hung out. We kept leaving to go somewhere, anywhere to get us out of the house, the house where Newton was no longer a physical presence.  That was rough because each time we got home, there was no Newton greeting us at the door to provide the unconditional love that he always shared so generously with us.  While his physical presence may have been gone, his presence was pervading every part of our house.  Everywhere we looked, sat, walked there was Newton’s presence.  Even in the morning as I had my bowl of cereal.  Whenever I had a bowl of cereal he would hear the clinking of the spoon on the bowl and he would be right there – waiting to get whatever was left in the bowl, sometimes I thought he was going lick off the glaze from the pottery bowl.

Friday was no better, although I had gone back to work I still could not get that crazy little dog out of my head.   I miss him so much, crazy little dog anyway.  One thing that hurts is when we go to bed, each night we all had our routines, including him.  Once Bride and I got into bed he would just jump on up there and come over right between us and plop down.  He would be leaning against me and it was his time for unconditional love from us.  He would sit there and we would pet his little head and he would just love it.  That would go on for about 10 minutes a night, after which he would stand up and turn facing the foot of the bed and plop down again.  He would stay there until the reading material was put on the night stand and the light was turned off.  At that point he would get up, jump off the bed and make his way out to the couch or one of the living room chairs where he would spend the night.  I miss that time more than any others. 

When we first got Newton we had a kitty named Junior, he was a giant 24 pounder who still had his  claws.  All kittys since have been declawed, hate me if you must but our cats have always been indoor cats so we have them declawed.  Anyway, one day when Newton was very small we heard him howling and Junior screeching in the front of the house.  We went out to look at what was going on – this is when I learned that Newton was a sissy, at least when it came to cats.  Newton was sitting at the end of the hallway crying, Junior was up at the start of hallway blocking his way.  At that time Newton was about 12 pounds and Junior was 24, it was at that time I think Newton understood that he would always be subjugated by our cats.  Every cat that came along after , subjugated him, even Darrel and Darrel who were tiny kittens had him under control within minutes of arriving, and they were only 10 weeks old – they would even push him away from his dog food and eat dog food, it was hilarious to watch!   

Over the last few months we could see in his behavior and his eyes that things were not right.  It was heart breaking to see the look on his face when he was not feeling well, he was unable to know, understand or talk about what was happening to him.  What that equated to for us was to see that scared look on his face, it was heartbreaking.  His behavior continued to get more bizarre than it was before.  He slept a lot more than he used to but when he was up, he was going 90 miles an hour.  One day he was out in the back yard barking with the neighborhood dogs and running the fence.  Not sure what happened but in mid stride he stopped and came to the door to come back in.  Once inside he went over close to his food bowl and laid down and just panted and he looked scared.  I sat with him and petted his little head until whatever it was passed and he got up and got a drink of water. 

I am unsure if I want to get another dog or not.  Bride was kind of implying today that she did.  I want time to properly mourn Nubsy.  It seems getting another dog right away would be like using the new puppy to forget about the old puppy, I do not want that to be the reason we get another dog.  I have had friends give lots of advice, my buddy Scott B. in Ohio posted something on my wall that was so thoughtful, love ya man!!  Here is what he posted:

To have loved and then said farewell is better than to have never loved at all.   For all of the times that you stooped and touched my head, fed me my favorite treat and returned the love that I so unconditionally gave to you. For the care that you gave to me so unselfishly.  For all of these things I am grateful and thankful. I ask that you grieve not for the loss but rejoice in the fact that we lived, loved and touched each other's lives.  My life was fuller because you were there, not as owner, but as my friend. Today, I am as I was in my youth. The grass is always green, butterflies flit among the flowers and the sun shines gently down upon all of God's creatures. I can run, jump and play and do all of the things that I did in my youth. There is no sickness, no aching joints and no regrets and no aging. We await the arrival of our lifelong companions and know that togetherness is forever. You live in our hearts as we do in yours. Companions such as you are very rare and unique. Don't hold the love that you have within yourself.  Give it to another like me and then I will live forever. For love never really dies, and you are loved and missed as surely as we are.  Your pet is in heaven.

I love ya man and I sure did love that damned old misbehaving, malshapened, butt ugly dog - I miss him so much it hurts!!

Sir Fig Newton Bernard Smith - Our Puppy

I am not even sure where to start this………… just a few hours ago we made the decision that ended our little puppy’s suffering.  Bride and I have laughed and cried most of the afternoon and evening, remembering his idiosyncratic behaviors.  He has been not well for some time but we made him a promise, as we have with all our pets, that we would not make them suffer at the end to satisfy our own conscience - We promised to keep his best interests at heart, not our own.  This was the third pet that we had to make that decision and surprisingly to me – it has gotten harder with each one.

Newton led the most idyllic life that any dog could, from the moment Bride picked him up from the breeder all the way through this afternoon.   Bride and one of her best friends tracked him down in Georgia.  He was a malshapened mess as far as the AKC standards for his breed, which is a non-sporting class.  We would tease him about that all the time.  Bride sold me on the idea of a dog, we were cat people, because he was supposed to be only 12 pounds.  A friend of ours Parents had a Boston called Cookie and I said, well if we get one it can’t be a cookie, it has to be a Newton.  That was how his name came about.  He was 8 pounds at age 8 weeks so when he brought him home I knew we were in trouble.  Bride kept telling me that the max they ever get is 24 pounds, well that is the largest they can be and still show them, it is NOT how big they can get.  Newton shot past 24 pounds like a rocket on his way to 45, where he topped out.

Newton went by many names over the years, Newton of course but there were many iterations of his name we used.   The was the Bomber, the neutron Bomber, burnsey, nubes, nubie-dean, butt ugly shitbird (only I called him that).   There was Nubie-dubie, but we never did anything with fig part of his name.  And we wonder why he never listened, I guess I understand that a little better now.    

I remember the one time he got out, the door was cracked just an inch or two and he rammed through and out he went.  I chased that damn dog for nearly two hours, running through people’s front yards, through their back yards and all over the place.  He would not listen to me, I suspect he knew he was going get spanked for that transgression so he wanted to prolong it.  He was smart like that, he knew when he was doing something wrong.  It makes me laugh because there were a million times he would do that, only the once outside the back yard.  When I would ask him to come in, he would stop what he was doing and then look at me for a few seconds, then he would just on about what he was doing.  It was a conscience decision to disobey.      

I remember once when he did make me proud, no keep in mind he is a Boston Terrier, a large Boston but a Boston all the same.  The neighbor kid was walking their dog, who stood taller than the little boy who was walking him.  We had our front door open and all the blocked Newton from Max, the neighbor’s dog, was a thin and flimsy screen door.  Well Max came hauling ass across our front yard, dragging the boy with him.  When he hit the bottom of the front door he came right through into our foyer.  Well Newton tore Max’s ass up, ripped his ear nearly off and had bite marks in various places, Newton was completely unscathed.  I was proud of him for protecting his home.  

One of the things that made me laugh is when he would turning his back on us.  If for some reason he was not getting his way he would walk across the room and turn his back to us and then occasionally look over his shoulder and whimper.  if he did not get enough of a treat, he would do it.  If we would not let him under the covers, he would do it.  If he thought he was not getting any and everything he was due, that little punk would do that.  It was hilarious and most times I suppose it worked because he usually got what he wanted.   

When we were at the Vet’s office all the folks there were crying as much as we were, they loved and he loved going there.  He made that trip at least once a month to get a bath, nails trimmed, ear cleaned and his anal glands expressed.   He was always happy to see them and they were happy to see him.  There have been lots of adjectives over the years that were used to describe him, by the folks at the Vet and all our friends as well. 

I saw a woman on the beach this morning, I see her all the time.  She walks her three little dogs every morning.  A few day ago when I saw her she only had two, I asked what had happened and she told me he was misbehaving and was in timeout - that made me laugh.  Anyway, I saw her this morning and she was all bundled up and had all three dogs.  They were each bundled up as well, little matching sweaters that covered them up.  It reminded me of one time when Bride got one of those for Newton.  He hated it and when she made him wear it he would look at me with the look of – really, come on Dad save me from this embarrassment.  Eventually I made sure that it disappeared when it was warm out so the next time it got cold, it was just gone. 

I went to the beach this morning and it was cold, 39 degrees.  As I sat in the dark starting at 5:30 I just remembered Newton and his life.  There I was sitting on the beach in a lawn chair, alone, bundled up in multiple layers, in the dark, missing my dog and crying to myself.  I am not sure what someone would have thought if they came up me but then again, I really didn’t care.  Newton was a great dog and brought more joy to our lives then should have been allowed.  He was spoiled rotten and he knew it, but as Bride says, we did not get a dog to show him what disciplinarians we are.  As the skies lightened, it was mostly gray, I realized that I just wanted to be sad for a while and got up and left.

Black Friday - a commentary on what is wrong with us!!!

It seems to me that more and more every year we hear stories of the melee they happens on Black Friday. My favorite one this year, not because I enjoyed reading it but because the sadness that it represents, was a woman looking for an Xbox who sprayed the folks waiting in line at Wal-Mart waiting with her with pepper spray. All so she could get in there and get a freaking video game at a discounted price. I cannot even fit this inside of my head, what was the thought process here? OK, I know they only have 12 of these games and since there are 13 people ahead of me I am going to take them out, not figuratively, literally. I am going to get some industrial strength pepper spray and hose down these unsuspecting idiots. I am positive that this is the way that will get me that game. Did she not think past her short term goals to determine the causal effect of that action?? I am not optimistic that even while sitting in the jail cell that she understood the complete F’ing stupidity of her actions, so she could play a video game. REALLY – you idiot!! One of the victims of this dumbasses Wal-Mart Xbox rampage had to go to the hospital.

Then I read, as if the pepper spray incident weren’t bad enough, shoppers in California had to contend with something even more frightening: an actual shooting. A man was found shot and bleeding in the parking lot of a Wal-Mart in the Bay Area just before 2 a.m. The man and his family had apparently been the victim of an attempted mugging, as “several” people with guns tried to take the family’s purchases by force. Meanwhile, police in Fayetteville, N.C., reported gunshots fired near the food court of a local mall at 2 a.m., but no injuries were reported.

And then there were the fights– after all, what Black Friday would be complete without the fights? In Kissimmee, Fla., two men fought at a jewelry counter at a Wal-Mart, and one of them had to be dragged away by the police, according to the Orlando Sentinel. Other customers captured videos of shouting matches in line, skirmishes in stores and showdowns between shoppers and protestors affiliated with Occupy Wall Street and put them up on YouTube.

Sadly, Black Friday violence is nothing new, though the actual number of injuries this year seems higher. In 2010, one shopper in California was arrested for carrying a handgun and ammunition to stores and another was arrested for threatening to shoot those in line, though neither actually hurt other customers. Then, of course, there was the infamous stampede at a New York Wal-Mart on Black Friday three years ago that resulted in the death of one employee.

This level of insanity begs the question – what the fuck?? How is that our world has become so obsessed with the material possessions that are made overseas that we do this. I myself have never been and have no plans to ever go shopping on black Friday. There is nothing for sale in any store that would cause me to pitch a damn tent on the sidewalk in front of the store – NOTHING!! The few bucks we might save on that TV or game console is not worth the risk of being freaking pepper sprayed or shot in the freaking parking lot so someone can relieve me of my recent possessions, not happening!

I researched a bit on black Friday and found that the term has been used since 1966 when it was coined in Philadelphia, PA. By 1975 the term was spreading outside the Philly area, although I do not ever remember hearing that term until at least the 90’s. it seems so crazy now that Wal-Mart is starting the day before, not just at 4 in the morning, or even midnight. I still think the after Christmas sales are better. Not quite as much craziness and they are dumping stock from the inventory so they don’t have to spend the money to count it or to have it sitting on the shelves.

I myself am looking for a new TV and I think I am going to wait until after Christmas to buy it. You can be sure that I will be packing the big .45 to compete with those who are armed and I will be carrying some pepper spray and a long wire Taser for the unarmed. So there you have it, consider that a warning, if you see me – DO NOT get in my way, that damn TV is mine!!!

Thanksgiving - I am truly blessed!!

So today I celebrate my 46th Thanksgiving day, and they have all held their own meaning to me.  This year I am most thankful that Bride has tolerated my idiosyncratic dumbassedness for a long time now and we still love each other.  She has overcome some HUGE hurdles this year and I have never been prouder of my best friend.   We lead a great life and are so lucky to have fate putting us together in Annapolis Maryland 23 years ago.  We are as happy as we have ever been and our relationship seems as if it gets better every day – I love that woman with every fiber of my being, her love is my greatest blessing. 

I am thankful for all the friends I have, I treasure each and every one of you.  Some are closer than others but sometimes, I am thankful for that as well.  I am thankful that one of my best friends got a clear PET scan after going through a brutal round of radiation treatments that killed some of his saliva glands as well as his taste buds.  I was thankful that he still held the “Goode's Turkey Fry 2011” which I think is in the neighborhood of a 15 year tradition.  Knowing he would not be able to enjoy the festive meal made me sad, until I reminded him I was going to enjoy it enough for both of us!  Love ya brother and that turkey was KICK-ASS Goode!!

As I sat on the beach this morning thinking about the things I am thankful for all that could come to my mind was how blessed I am.  I posted on FB “I am thankful that I am sound minded and able bodied enough to recognize the truly countless blessings I am fortunate enough to have received - I hope each of you have a great day!!”  I am thankful that I can go to beach and watch the sunrises in the morning, it allows me time to reflect on my life and work through whatever issues I might be dealing with.  Most times I try to just sit and stare, like I would any other piece of art.  Trying to find the meaning of it, not anything else but the meaning, to me, of the art.   That is when I can begin to truly appreciate the sheer beauty of it.  It seems impossible for me to come away not feeling small and insignificant.  I thankful for the time to make those trips to the beach, it refreshes my soul.

I am thankful to all who are or have ever served in the military of our Great Country.  These young men and women are the bravest souls among us and are deserving of our respect and gratitude.  I will say that during my time on the military when I was deployed we ALWAYS had a pretty damn fine thanksgiving meal, I was always thankful of that.  I have made some lifelong friends when I served and I am thankful for Facebook bringing us all back together, at least in a new fangled electronic way.

Seems weird that I could write all day and not cover all the things I am thankful for, none of them could be purchased on black Friday either.  We seem to sometimes get all caught up in the materialness of our lives, those are not things to be thankful for.  Most of them just bring us suffering anyway when they don’t work or don’t work correctly anyway.

Lastly, I am thankful for this electronic shoebox that I can climb up on and pontificate every once in a while.  I hope everyone has a great day and a great weekend! 

Toasters - one of those innocuous appliances!!

So the other day, I was making Bride a chicken sandwich on a bagel thins, she like them toasted so I attempted to toast the thing.  Well imagine my surprise when the toaster did not pop up.  I went to look and low and behold about two strands on one of the four elements was glowing a VERY dim orange.  As I stood and stared, I wondered, when did we get this toaster, how much had we paid for it, what caused it to stop functioning correctly?   I was standing there long enough that Bride came in to ask “what’s wrong”.   She eventually enjoyed the sandwich on a very partially toaster bagel thin.

Now since that time I have thought a lot about the origins of that toaster.  It was like an old friend in some ways.  You sometimes never even know when the friendships started, it just seems like it has always been there.  I will inject another toaster story here that is unrelated but funny all the same.  Bride and I were at my Sister’s house for Christmas one year.  My Mom was there as well with her husband.  My Mom was well known for odd Christmas gifts but this year we had an all time winner.   So Bride was opening a gift from Mom, she pulls out a screaming red toaster.   I immediately that, wow, a toaster is such an odd gift and what was even odder was that it was screaming red. Bride and I had not one red appliance and this thing was no doubt red with chrome accents.  Well as Bride was looking at it she turned it over and a ton of crumbs dropped out.   We were all kinda shocked by that but it got even funnier.  She then told us she has picked it up at a yard sale (bad enough) and then to ensure it worked she used at her house for a while.  HAHAHAHAHA, it makes me laugh to this day to think about that.   There were years of crumbs in the bottom of that toaster, we laughed and took it home with us.  My intent was to give it back to her the following year but it was not to be.

Anyway, back to my current toaster, the Proctor-Silex model - T4400 type T16 with a serial number of A1249.  And if you know anything about toasters, you will know that is the wide slot model to allow for toasting fat bagels.  After discussing with it Bride, we were unable to determine when or where we got that toaster.  I do remember back in the day when you opened a bank account you could get a toaster or some other little appliance.  We wondered if we may have gotten that in that way when we lived in Maryland.  I am pretty sure that toaster is at least 20 years old and most probably a bit more than even that.  One of us may have owned that bad boy before we got together.  I seem to remember having some appliance when I was living in the barracks in Annapolis.  I do remember a microwave, a fridge, a crock pot and a hot plate.  Seems only logical that I would have had a toaster. 

So I immediately decide I would write a letter to Proctor-Silex and complain about the shoddy workmanship of this particular toaster, I mean they are supposed to last forever.  This toaster has seen some milage, the heat resistant plastic that made up the front and rear covers where chipped and broken on the corners.  The bottom looked horrible, burned on bits of toast from over the years.   I was just saddened by the loss of my old friend.  I wonder how many bagels and slices of bread had made its way through that toaster.  Too bad there was not a computerized counter that would keep track of the usage.  That would allow one to determine the cost per slice over the lifetime of the toaster.  Imagine, 20 years of toasting, lets say one slice of toast per week.  That comes to 1040 pieces of bread toasted.  Now if I use the price of the replacement toaster that would work out to roughly two and half cents per toast, not a bad return on the investment when you think about it.  I know I have toasted way more than that though, so I bet my return was closer to about .75 percent of one cent per slice.

I know toaster don’t or won’t keep track of such things, who would care about such an inane thing, other than me??   I do remember a the coolest toaster I have ever seen and had the great pleasure of using.  It was the mid-seventies and the toaster was a Sun Beam model T-20.  I did not know that at the time but a few minutes with Google and I found it and this video. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BiAFTkkZKc

This toaster would automatically lower when a slice of toast was put into it.  How cool was that??  This was before the days of some code being written on a computer chip.  This was 100% mechanical!!  I remember then wanting to take it apart to see how that worked.  I have never before or since seen a toaster that operated like that.  There was no handle to push down or pull up to get the toast in or out.  Its real appeal is in its performance, Sunbeam called it Automatic Beyond Belief. There are no levers to press down. Just put the bread in the slot. The weight of the bread activates the heating elements, causing the center wire to lengthen microscopically and the bread to be carried into the toaster under its own weight.

Inside, the Radiant Control thermostat monitored the heat radiated (not conducted) from the outer surface of the bread, which is directly proportional to its color change. There are no timers. The toast is raised only when it is properly toasted; no sooner and no later.  Hahaha, how freaking cool is that??  When the thermostat opened, the elements cool, and the center element wire contracts. This movement is very small — on the order of thousandths of an inch — but a mechanical linkage multiplies this movement approximately 175 times. This is sufficient to operate the carriage and raise the toasted bread from the toaster.  I was able to find modern day automatic toasters but I do not suspect I would be willing to pay over a hundred and fifty bucks for a toaster.  That would raise the cost per slice to well over 14 cents per slice, not a cost effective solution in my opinion. 

So my new model is the Oster model TSSTRT2SST, and they do not assign a serial number to them anymore.  I suspect that there is no need as they are mostly disposable.  I wish I understood the logic of that model  number, the only part I know is that the “2” indicates that it is a two slice model.  If that number were a four, it would be a four slice model.  I know this because the owner’s manual covers both models and it shows me a picture of both on the cover.  After reading the user manual, I was amazed that the operation of a toaster needs to be explained at that level to anyone.  I am pretty sure I could figure out how to use a toaster even if I had never seen one before in my life.  Anyway my favorite part step six under the  “preparing to use your toaster for the first time”.  It talked about the fact that when you first turn this bad boy on, you may get a bit of smoke coming out of it.  We are to preheat the device and as the elements heated up it would “burn off any dust which may have accumulated during storage or manufacturing".  Seemed odd but sure enough, when I first pressed the lever down some smoke came out of it.  Hahaha, since I was assured this was normal I thought OK – we are ready to go.

Well, I suppose I am going to have to start building a friendship with this new guy, I spent some time in quiet contemplation about my old friend but, we must move on.  I don’t know how long it will take me to get through the stages of grief but I am hopeful the performance of the new kid will speed the process. 

One year into sharing the names of those who died - Veterans Day to Veterans Day

It was last Veterans Day that I decided to start posting a picture and small bio of each fallen hero from the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq.  That has been tough for me at time, so much loss and for what?  Since I started I have written and posted on Facebook 513 deaths, mini eulogies is how I see them.  When I started I warned people that I was doing it and if they need to unfriend me that was fine.  I do not know if anyone did but I have received feedback from one end of the spectrum because of it.  Most are appreciative that someone is bringing it to their attention, since the media does not do a very good job of it. 

One group of deaths have affected me and heightened my anger at our Government.  That was the deaths of a lot of seal team 6 in a helicopter crash.  I have not been able to find it now but when that accident first happened I remember reading that it was Seal Team Six on that chopper.  Since that time I have not been able to find one reference anywhere to Seal Team Six in relationship to that crash.  Since then the ones killed were described as being in an East Coast-based SEAL team.  I found my conspiracy minded brain kicking into overdrive.  I believe these are the men how got Osama Bin Laden and the fact that we don’t know – scares me.  I can understand not wanting the public to know that Al-Qaeda might have gotten the men who Got Osama.  Each of their pictures are below, they look just like any of our friends might look, smiling like we were cooking out and telling stories or something.  It makes me sad that on August 6^th these 31 hero’s all lost their lives in a helicopter crash.

So, since I have been writing (a lot of copy and pasting) and posting them on Facebook I have seen many reactions and many comments.  Some comments anger me and others have made me cry.  Some have made me laugh and others made me sit in quiet contemplation.  I want to thank everyone for all the feedback, it is what has made this self-assigned task do-able.  I just can’t understand how it is that we (as a Country) can continue to justify, to ourselves, our involvement in these faraway places.  Don’t be mistaken, that we are convincing or justifying this for other countries, we don’t really give a shit about other countries or their culture, unless of course it affects our lifestyles.  Why have we not called for the removal of the troops from Afghanistan and Iraq?  Make no mistake, congress (the ones working for us) have it within their power to end the funding for this insanity.  They also have the ability, and are the ONLY ones who have the ability to balance the budget so when they get up and talk about not being able or blaming the President or anyone else – remember back to your school days and remember it is congress who creates the budget.

I was not sure where I was going to go when I started writing this, I did not think I would wind up here though.  Funny how that happens, sometimes I just start writing and I wander around where ever my mind takes me.  Anyway, I also want to take this opportunity to thank all the folks who have or are serving or is the Mother, Brother, Husband, Father, Sister, Aunt, Son, Uncle, grandson or Sister of someone serving.     

Here are the pictures of the 31 men who died on August 6^th of this year in a helicopter crash, the men I believe to be the Men who “got” bin Laden.  Even if they did not, they still made the ultimate sacrifice in our war on Terror, please honor them and the other 482 Military folks who gave their lives for the cause this last year.

Beach re-nourishment, what the heck is that??

So for those who don’t know I live in Jacksonville Florida. I live close to the beach and the Atlantic Ocean, I go there a lot and I really enjoy it. I was there this morning to watch the sunrise, and the ocean was angry today. It was a magnificent sunrise all the same. While I was there I noticed we were at high tide and the water was WAY up, within 20-30 feet of the dunes. I remember back earlier in the summer the Army Corp of Engineers contracted to have the beach re-nourished, it had been 6 years since it was done last. They skipped last year (normally done every 5 years) due to budget constraints.

So I thought I would take a look about when this trend of beach re-nourishment first started. I say trend because the ocean has been placing the beach and coastline where ever it wants to place it for about 4+ billion years. That was all without any human intervention. I remember the first time I saw it done was some years ago, I remember thinking, and asking, what are they doing and why?? It did not just not make sense to me to take sand from a mile or so out and bring it in and dump it one the beach. Water finds its own level and simple physics tells one that what’s in the way of the ocean will be eroded, regardless of what composition that obstruction may be made of. The force of the ocean has eroded rocks and islands and anything placed in its way, sand being about the easiest for it to move.

I have suspected since then that someone at some time in the past thought, I can get someone to pay me to move sand from here to there. AND the best part is, the ocean will move it right back over there so the job will never end. They must have been related to or knew the genius of King Camp Gillette, the inventory of the disposable razor. That was the first real thing made that had to be purchased again. Before that time razors lasted a lifetime. Anyway creating a market by making and selling a consumable product is the way of our world now but it was not always so. Anyway……..

So first a little about what beach re-nourishment is. It is basically a process by which sediment, usually sand, is lost through erosion is replaced with material from outside the eroding area of the beach. In the case of Jax beach they had a dredger type ship that would go out over the horizon and suck up a load of sand and then return to the coast and pump that sand back onto the beach through gigantic pipes. Once it is back on the beach bulldozers move it around. That sounds simple but I would bet that there is a very specific plan and the bulldozers are probably controlled by GPS to ensure every grain of sand winds up in the correct position. That in itself is kind of funny to me. I can just hear the conversation of the company doing the work - Since we are bilking the community out of a shitload of money we had better make it appear that we have injected some science into this process. One guy with his butt crack showing said, hey, what about GPS controlled bull dozers, that will convince the locals that we know what the hell we are doing. Makes me laugh and I wish I could be a fly one the wall of the marketing group of the folks who perform this service.

So the first instance of a beach re-nourishment was in 1923, it was at Coney Island, New York. Since that time it has becomes a common shoreprotection measure utilized by public and private entities. I am pretty sure a fortune has been made since that time moving sand back onto the beach, waiting a couple of years and going to get it and move it back to the beach again. There was a project in Miami that took 5 years, 76-81, and cost $64,000,000, yeah that is 64 million dollars moving sand about. That project was 10 miles long and took 5 years and cost 64 million dollars. How crazy is that.

Nourishment is one of three commonly accepted methods for protecting shorelines. The structural alternative involves constructing a seawall, revetment, groin or breakwater. Alternatively, with "managed retreat" the shoreline is left to erode, while relocating buildings and infrastructure further inland. Which, by the way, seems to me the only real choice. This re-nourishment moved about 700,000 cubic yards of sand from about 8 miles out right up onto the beach. Keep in mind that for an 1800 square foot home it only requires about 30 cubic yards of concrete. 700,000 cubic yards of sand weighs about 1.8 billion pounds when it is dry, and they pumped it off the bottom so it was probably closer to 2.4 billion pounds. That number does not even fit inside my head and I wonder if moving that volume of weight changes the spin dynamics of the earth.

The Army Corps awarded the $11 million contract to Great Lakes Dock and Dredge of Chicago in April. The project comes after years of effort to restore the beaches, which have been depleted of sand over the past six years from repeated tropical storms and northeaster winter storms. What bullshit!! I hear the Politian’s talking about how it worked, it protected our beaches from erosion. Of course they would say that, what elsecould they say after spending 11 million dollars a few months ago and all the sand is gone already. The Army Corp explains that a Beach re-nourishment is a complicated process. The Army Corps plans to use the same offshore borrow pit it tapped for the 2005 project. Barges go to a sand shoal about 8 miles offshore and the sand is delivered to the beach with a hopper dredge. More bullshit!!

One of the unintended consequences were our little sea turtle buddies. It is well known that through the months of May through October the sea turtles take to the beaches in Northeast Florida to lay their eggs. So we started our re-nourishment in July. They found some nests, 23 of the 27 nests found so far this season had to be moved north of the projected project area. I wonder how much that cost??

Well, I suppose all this and those decisions are above my pay-grade. It will not stop me from wondering, what the hell are people thinking, 11 million bucks to move sand around??? Oh well, good for the Great Lakes Dock and Dredge company for coming up with a plan, executing it and keeping some folks employed. Regardless of whether there is sand from 8 miles out or just the same old sand that the ocean places there for me is all the same to me. Enjoy sitting there watching the sun come up over whatever sand is there and the water that is slowly moving what is left of the re-nourishment back out to sea. 

Friends – what does that really mean to you??

The other day a great friend of mine posted a comment on Facebook.  Here it is.

MY DEFINITION OF A FRIEND...

"Friends" on Facebook is a very loose term. To Facebook, everyone is your friend. I see however that even Facebook recognizes that not everyone is really a friend by creating a "Close Friends" list.

For me a friend is someone that would never intentionally cause you harm or grief. A friend is someone I can enjoy having a conversation with, joking, laughing, sharing, and whom you don't need to take life quite so seriously with.

A true friend is someone that when you are faced with adversity will respect your privacy, reach-out to help, and listen openly without passing judgement while offering advice. A true friend knows when you need a hug, knows how to comfort you, and can be trusted with your most private thoughts.

I want to publicly thank my true friends: Sue, Mark, Dee, Sandy, Velora, Patti, Smitty, and Vickie... Thank you guys for being you. You each have a specialness and a place in my heart.

Now just for some background my buddy and I served together on shore duty in Annapolis Maryland, the Naval Radio Transmitting Facility (NRTF) NSS-9.  He was my boss, work center supervisor it was called in the Navy.  We worked and played and drank together, it was a small base and there was not much to do.  He was a volunteer firefighter at the local fire department.  We both ended up meeting girls at that base, there were the only two that were eligible.  There were others available but they either had an excess of facial hair or were complete and very unpleasant women.  I say that in the most polite way possible.  We were stationed there together in the late eighties and we each met our Brides.  At the time I don’t suspect that either one of us would have still been with those same Girls 20 some years later, but we both still are happily married to the same women.

I say all that to get to the point about friendships I have made over the years when I served in the United States Navy.   I am not going to say that friendships I made before or after are better or worse but the friendships I made when I served are some of the strongest bonds I have.  Rob and Jen and Bride and I had lost touch with each other many years ago.  We often wondered where they were and what they were doing, I am sure that over the years they had the same thoughts.  Anyway, some time back we reconnected, right here in Facebook.  It was like we were still stationed back in Annapolis and before long they were at our home in Jacksonville Florida.  They were on vacation at Disney in Orlando and I was sad we only got to spend part of a day together. 

Now we did not speak for nearly twenty years and we reconnected a couple of years ago on here and he still considers me one of his true friends.  I have the same feelings about him, but sometimes I do not think I do a very good job of expressing myself.  I look back on those times when we hung out together at that little 277 acre peninsula on the Chesapeake Bay called NRTF.  We watched the sun come up over the bay and played a lot of volleyball, first on the beach and then later on a court right up by the barracks.  We cooked out all the time at a little club house not 100 feet from the barracks.  We threw parties out there where we drank all night and listened to music too loud.  We would go to this little shithole bar on the Naval station and drink whiskey until we could barely walk, or at least I could barely walk.  We worked on very important and VERY large systems that provided one way communications to submarines in the Atlantic Ocean. 

He was there the night I drank myself silly while cleaning for a barracks inspection, almost literally silly.  That was when I quit drinking, the skipper of the base made that recommendation as well.  It was not much after that when I met Bride.  They were great times at that base, all made better by my GREAT friend Rob, I love him like and brother and am so happy that after nearly 20 years we were able to reconnect with each other and it was like we picked up as if we were at that little shithole bar the night before.  Hahahahha, I love that guy and over the last several years I have learned to tell my friends that I love them, life is too fucking short not to.  So if you have made it this far in this blog then you must be a friend as well so - I love you and you have a special place in my heart as well.         

You are what you eat – it is true of many other things too!!!

I am a perpetual people watcher, I love looking and observing the behaviors of others. I am not sure why I enjoy it or even why I do it but I do and it does not cost me one thin dime. When I get serious about watching folks I find that I wonder about their lives a lot. What kind of childhood, what traumatic events have they lived through –what has lead them to me, at this moment. What is the cause of the behavior they are exhibiting, good or bad? What in their lives caused them to give change to the homeless man, what caused them to not hold that elevator door because they were in a hurry to get someplace? Sometimes it scares me, more then not folks seem to have rude or gruff behavior and seem only concerned about themselves.

Having watched people for so long it has given me a bit of insight into my own actions and behaviors. I knew all along that I was an odd bird with lots of idiosyncratic behaviors, I actually am one with them and cherish them. I don’t want to conform, I am who I am as Popeye the Sailor man used to say and since I was a Sailor back in the day- I am saying it as well. I have learned that we tend to see what we want to see. What does that mean you might ask?? Well if we are happy and in a good mood we will tend to see those behaviors and actions. If we are pissed off at the world and hate everyone, that in turn those are the behaviors and actions we tend to see in others. Weird how that works but it has been my experience that that is an undeniable truth.

Why is that I wonder, seems counterproductive really when you think about it. When you are pissed, you see the ugly in others and then it perpetuates itself into a cascade of pissed off. Think about the last time you were mad in your car, people are pissed off when driving A LOT!! Does it make you feel better to take the frustrations of someone cutting you off on that person by zooming up and cutting them off? Or not letting someone back over, of course not but the anger so clouds our judgment that we don’t even notice the toxic effect the whole thing is having on us. All, due to us transferring our own irritability and bullshit onto someone else – weird I tell ya.

Anyway, I wrote this first part yesterday after being irritated in the morning and watching my own behavior and the effect it was having on those around me. Long story short by noon I was in a much happier mood and I was able to see the opposite reaction in the people who were around me. I went to bed last night feeling damn good about my day and my observations about myself. Well anyway, this morning, as I was leaving the Gate station on my way to watch sunrise, a woman held the door open for me. Now I saw her when she came in and I was obviously late for her, up all night – for me, it was bright and early.

I was purchasing a cup of coffee, she was right in front of me in line. She too was having a cup of coffee, I watched her as she was lovingly and very slowly preparing it. It was black with a couple of ice cubes, funny because I like a couple of cubes in mine as well to drop the temperature a bit. Anyway she paid and I paid and she walked out right in front of me. She had let go of the door already when she saw me right behind her. She reached up with the speed of a Ninja and caught door and opened it back up for me. I said thank you very much. She then said, my pleasure. That set the tone for my whole day. I hold the door a lot for folks and if or when they say thanks, I say my pleasure. It never fails to put a smile on their face. This was the first time that someone had used those words when I said thank you for holding the door. It brightened my day and reinforced why I say it as well.

So lighten up folks and smile. If you stay pissed or irritated, you will see and hear nothing but that. If you smile and laugh, those are the things that will reinforce you belief in who you are.