Toasters - one of those innocuous appliances!!

So the other day, I was making Bride a chicken sandwich on a bagel thins, she like them toasted so I attempted to toast the thing.  Well imagine my surprise when the toaster did not pop up.  I went to look and low and behold about two strands on one of the four elements was glowing a VERY dim orange.  As I stood and stared, I wondered, when did we get this toaster, how much had we paid for it, what caused it to stop functioning correctly?   I was standing there long enough that Bride came in to ask “what’s wrong”.   She eventually enjoyed the sandwich on a very partially toaster bagel thin.

Now since that time I have thought a lot about the origins of that toaster.  It was like an old friend in some ways.  You sometimes never even know when the friendships started, it just seems like it has always been there.  I will inject another toaster story here that is unrelated but funny all the same.  Bride and I were at my Sister’s house for Christmas one year.  My Mom was there as well with her husband.  My Mom was well known for odd Christmas gifts but this year we had an all time winner.   So Bride was opening a gift from Mom, she pulls out a screaming red toaster.   I immediately that, wow, a toaster is such an odd gift and what was even odder was that it was screaming red. Bride and I had not one red appliance and this thing was no doubt red with chrome accents.  Well as Bride was looking at it she turned it over and a ton of crumbs dropped out.   We were all kinda shocked by that but it got even funnier.  She then told us she has picked it up at a yard sale (bad enough) and then to ensure it worked she used at her house for a while.  HAHAHAHAHA, it makes me laugh to this day to think about that.   There were years of crumbs in the bottom of that toaster, we laughed and took it home with us.  My intent was to give it back to her the following year but it was not to be.

Anyway, back to my current toaster, the Proctor-Silex model - T4400 type T16 with a serial number of A1249.  And if you know anything about toasters, you will know that is the wide slot model to allow for toasting fat bagels.  After discussing with it Bride, we were unable to determine when or where we got that toaster.  I do remember back in the day when you opened a bank account you could get a toaster or some other little appliance.  We wondered if we may have gotten that in that way when we lived in Maryland.  I am pretty sure that toaster is at least 20 years old and most probably a bit more than even that.  One of us may have owned that bad boy before we got together.  I seem to remember having some appliance when I was living in the barracks in Annapolis.  I do remember a microwave, a fridge, a crock pot and a hot plate.  Seems only logical that I would have had a toaster. 

So I immediately decide I would write a letter to Proctor-Silex and complain about the shoddy workmanship of this particular toaster, I mean they are supposed to last forever.  This toaster has seen some milage, the heat resistant plastic that made up the front and rear covers where chipped and broken on the corners.  The bottom looked horrible, burned on bits of toast from over the years.   I was just saddened by the loss of my old friend.  I wonder how many bagels and slices of bread had made its way through that toaster.  Too bad there was not a computerized counter that would keep track of the usage.  That would allow one to determine the cost per slice over the lifetime of the toaster.  Imagine, 20 years of toasting, lets say one slice of toast per week.  That comes to 1040 pieces of bread toasted.  Now if I use the price of the replacement toaster that would work out to roughly two and half cents per toast, not a bad return on the investment when you think about it.  I know I have toasted way more than that though, so I bet my return was closer to about .75 percent of one cent per slice.

I know toaster don’t or won’t keep track of such things, who would care about such an inane thing, other than me??   I do remember a the coolest toaster I have ever seen and had the great pleasure of using.  It was the mid-seventies and the toaster was a Sun Beam model T-20.  I did not know that at the time but a few minutes with Google and I found it and this video. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BiAFTkkZKc

This toaster would automatically lower when a slice of toast was put into it.  How cool was that??  This was before the days of some code being written on a computer chip.  This was 100% mechanical!!  I remember then wanting to take it apart to see how that worked.  I have never before or since seen a toaster that operated like that.  There was no handle to push down or pull up to get the toast in or out.  Its real appeal is in its performance, Sunbeam called it Automatic Beyond Belief. There are no levers to press down. Just put the bread in the slot. The weight of the bread activates the heating elements, causing the center wire to lengthen microscopically and the bread to be carried into the toaster under its own weight.

Inside, the Radiant Control thermostat monitored the heat radiated (not conducted) from the outer surface of the bread, which is directly proportional to its color change. There are no timers. The toast is raised only when it is properly toasted; no sooner and no later.  Hahaha, how freaking cool is that??  When the thermostat opened, the elements cool, and the center element wire contracts. This movement is very small — on the order of thousandths of an inch — but a mechanical linkage multiplies this movement approximately 175 times. This is sufficient to operate the carriage and raise the toasted bread from the toaster.  I was able to find modern day automatic toasters but I do not suspect I would be willing to pay over a hundred and fifty bucks for a toaster.  That would raise the cost per slice to well over 14 cents per slice, not a cost effective solution in my opinion. 

So my new model is the Oster model TSSTRT2SST, and they do not assign a serial number to them anymore.  I suspect that there is no need as they are mostly disposable.  I wish I understood the logic of that model  number, the only part I know is that the “2” indicates that it is a two slice model.  If that number were a four, it would be a four slice model.  I know this because the owner’s manual covers both models and it shows me a picture of both on the cover.  After reading the user manual, I was amazed that the operation of a toaster needs to be explained at that level to anyone.  I am pretty sure I could figure out how to use a toaster even if I had never seen one before in my life.  Anyway my favorite part step six under the  “preparing to use your toaster for the first time”.  It talked about the fact that when you first turn this bad boy on, you may get a bit of smoke coming out of it.  We are to preheat the device and as the elements heated up it would “burn off any dust which may have accumulated during storage or manufacturing".  Seemed odd but sure enough, when I first pressed the lever down some smoke came out of it.  Hahaha, since I was assured this was normal I thought OK – we are ready to go.

Well, I suppose I am going to have to start building a friendship with this new guy, I spent some time in quiet contemplation about my old friend but, we must move on.  I don’t know how long it will take me to get through the stages of grief but I am hopeful the performance of the new kid will speed the process.