Another one about our Puppy - Damn I miss Him!!

You want me to do WHAT??

It has been a couple of days since we lost Newton.   When I wrote the last blog the hurt was still very fresh and I just wrote down things that popped into my head.  I was all over the place but today I will try to do better.  There are so many funny Newton stories over the 12 years he was our dog that I could just not write them all down.  We had dogs when I was a kid, Timmy, Marmaduke and a little German Shepard mix whose name I cannot recall.  Newton was my first dog as an adult, although we have had a number of cats.  Bride and I got our first cat when we were just dating, Zappa because he was black and white with a little black patch on his chin.

Newton was an AKC registered Boston Terrier, even thought he was close to twice as big as they are ever supposed to get.  There were lots of funny comments over the years about his size.  Most often people would just say, is that a Boston terrier?  Bride got to telling people that he was a Texas terrier, everything in Texas is bigger they say.  Since she is from Texas, that explanation worked.   Bride had him in obedience training when he was a puppy and I remember her coming home upset one night early on.   She told me that one of the breeders at the dog club where the training was being held just looked at Newton and said, wow, that dog has a lot of Staffordshire terrier in him.  She was devastated, she was VERY proud of Newton and to have a stranger so bluntly dis her dog hurt her feelings. 

The last couple of days without Newton have been tough!!  We do have Darrel and Darrell the kitties but the house just does not seem as full.  I remember Bride and me sitting around the house the evening we lost him and talking about never getting another dog.  That first day was tough, we cried and laughed a lot.  The next day I took off from work and we just hung out. We kept leaving to go somewhere, anywhere to get us out of the house, the house where Newton was no longer a physical presence.  That was rough because each time we got home, there was no Newton greeting us at the door to provide the unconditional love that he always shared so generously with us.  While his physical presence may have been gone, his presence was pervading every part of our house.  Everywhere we looked, sat, walked there was Newton’s presence.  Even in the morning as I had my bowl of cereal.  Whenever I had a bowl of cereal he would hear the clinking of the spoon on the bowl and he would be right there – waiting to get whatever was left in the bowl, sometimes I thought he was going lick off the glaze from the pottery bowl.

Friday was no better, although I had gone back to work I still could not get that crazy little dog out of my head.   I miss him so much, crazy little dog anyway.  One thing that hurts is when we go to bed, each night we all had our routines, including him.  Once Bride and I got into bed he would just jump on up there and come over right between us and plop down.  He would be leaning against me and it was his time for unconditional love from us.  He would sit there and we would pet his little head and he would just love it.  That would go on for about 10 minutes a night, after which he would stand up and turn facing the foot of the bed and plop down again.  He would stay there until the reading material was put on the night stand and the light was turned off.  At that point he would get up, jump off the bed and make his way out to the couch or one of the living room chairs where he would spend the night.  I miss that time more than any others. 

When we first got Newton we had a kitty named Junior, he was a giant 24 pounder who still had his  claws.  All kittys since have been declawed, hate me if you must but our cats have always been indoor cats so we have them declawed.  Anyway, one day when Newton was very small we heard him howling and Junior screeching in the front of the house.  We went out to look at what was going on – this is when I learned that Newton was a sissy, at least when it came to cats.  Newton was sitting at the end of the hallway crying, Junior was up at the start of hallway blocking his way.  At that time Newton was about 12 pounds and Junior was 24, it was at that time I think Newton understood that he would always be subjugated by our cats.  Every cat that came along after , subjugated him, even Darrel and Darrel who were tiny kittens had him under control within minutes of arriving, and they were only 10 weeks old – they would even push him away from his dog food and eat dog food, it was hilarious to watch!   

Over the last few months we could see in his behavior and his eyes that things were not right.  It was heart breaking to see the look on his face when he was not feeling well, he was unable to know, understand or talk about what was happening to him.  What that equated to for us was to see that scared look on his face, it was heartbreaking.  His behavior continued to get more bizarre than it was before.  He slept a lot more than he used to but when he was up, he was going 90 miles an hour.  One day he was out in the back yard barking with the neighborhood dogs and running the fence.  Not sure what happened but in mid stride he stopped and came to the door to come back in.  Once inside he went over close to his food bowl and laid down and just panted and he looked scared.  I sat with him and petted his little head until whatever it was passed and he got up and got a drink of water. 

I am unsure if I want to get another dog or not.  Bride was kind of implying today that she did.  I want time to properly mourn Nubsy.  It seems getting another dog right away would be like using the new puppy to forget about the old puppy, I do not want that to be the reason we get another dog.  I have had friends give lots of advice, my buddy Scott B. in Ohio posted something on my wall that was so thoughtful, love ya man!!  Here is what he posted:

To have loved and then said farewell is better than to have never loved at all.   For all of the times that you stooped and touched my head, fed me my favorite treat and returned the love that I so unconditionally gave to you. For the care that you gave to me so unselfishly.  For all of these things I am grateful and thankful. I ask that you grieve not for the loss but rejoice in the fact that we lived, loved and touched each other's lives.  My life was fuller because you were there, not as owner, but as my friend. Today, I am as I was in my youth. The grass is always green, butterflies flit among the flowers and the sun shines gently down upon all of God's creatures. I can run, jump and play and do all of the things that I did in my youth. There is no sickness, no aching joints and no regrets and no aging. We await the arrival of our lifelong companions and know that togetherness is forever. You live in our hearts as we do in yours. Companions such as you are very rare and unique. Don't hold the love that you have within yourself.  Give it to another like me and then I will live forever. For love never really dies, and you are loved and missed as surely as we are.  Your pet is in heaven.

I love ya man and I sure did love that damned old misbehaving, malshapened, butt ugly dog - I miss him so much it hurts!!