Bacon chicken (alleged) sandwiches and cars that park themselves – WTF is going on it our world?

So there I am the other day watching the Boob Tube and I see a commercial for a sandwich from KFC that is a bacon sandwich that uses 2 chicken breasts instead of bread. What genius dreamed this damn thing up? We wonder why we (as a nation) are so fat well let me tell ya friends bacon sandwiches that use fried chicken breasts might just maybe have something to do with it. It is called the “Double Down Sandwich” and it is new. I just can not get my head around this sandwich, I guess people didn’t like the taste of the “unfried side of KFC” or maybe the folks who are trying to eat healthy are NOT at any of the chain food shops.  Seriously, look at this damn thing!

Come on though, who really dreamed this freaking thing up? No offense but I bet it was a big assed fat guy who eats these little gems like a normal person might eat White Castles. You have to agree that this the most insane “sandwich” you have ever seen and I use the word Sandwich very loosely. In my world a sandwich contains something in the middle, bacon and chicken perhaps and that is surrounded by bread. A fried chicken patty, 2 slices of cheese, 2 slices of bacon, and another fried chicken patty does not a sandwich make. My mind is boggled, I am perplexed and do not understand at all, this Double Down Sandwich. The funniest part, to me anyway, is that I could find this sandwich as part of the “Unthink KFC” menu, which was previously understood to be for the somewhat healthier - grilled chicken meals.

I also read where nutritionists are horrified, dare they say it, Horrified, by the launch of the fat bomb in a country where two-thirds of the population is overweight or obese. KFC insists that the sandwich contains, get this, only 540 calories, 32 grams of fat and 1,380 milligrams of sodium for the fried version. The grilled version is A LOT better at 460 calories, 23 grams of fat and 1,430 milligrams of sodium. That is more fat and sodium than I consume in a normal day and suspect I may immediately go into anaphylactic shock just by opening the container that this oddity comes in. I truly did not believe my eyes when I saw the commercial, I thought for sure I was watching a spoof of something else, nope this freaking thing is for real.

KFC my ass! I remember when they changed the name from Kentucky Fried Chicken to KFC, in what I thought was an attempt to steer away from so openly presenting fried chicken. There must be new management at corporate in what used to be the Colonel’s chicken place. There is NO WAY IN HELL that a sandwich like this would have made the menu when Harlan Sanders was alive. Funny inside story that is kind of related. My Mom used to work for a company that did testing of food products and the fast food places were amongst their biggest customers. Within a week of Mr. Sanders dying KFC, as it is now called, stopped all testing that was performed at the company where my Mom worked, sighting cost as the main factor in stopping the testing. That was the last time I have ever eaten at a Kentucky Fried Chicken shop and now with this asinine fat bomb on the menu it has reaffirmed that decision I made all those years ago. And that is all I have to say about that!

And again, here I was watching the Boob Tube and saw yet another commercial for something else I just can not get my head around. A car that will parallel park, all by itself! I need to turn that damn thing off and pretend to live in a cave because I think I would be better off not knowing what our world has come to and how it is shown to us on TV. Has it come to the point we are so freaking fat from the crazy assed food we eat that we can not crane our necks around to park our cars? This falls into the category of just because we CAN do a thing (have a car park itself) it does not mean that we have to do that thing. Evidently Parallel parking is such an ordeal for so many drivers that we are UNABLE to get into a parking space cities we live, we are forced, forced mind ya to squeeze our cars into tiny spaces, they say it is a vital skill. Evidently not for us, hell we will program our car to do it for our lazy asses!

I read that Automakers are starting to market self-parking cars because they sense a consumer demand. They say that parallel parking is often the most feared part of the driver's test, and it's something almost everyone has to do at some point. Folks who live in the cities may have to do it every day and they feel that to remove the difficulty, stress and uncertainty of this chore is very appealing to consumers. Studies have shown that self-parking cars can also help to solve some of the parking and traffic problems in dense urban areas. They say that parking a car in a space is restricted by the driver's skill at parallel parking, makes me say…… hummmm wasn’t it Darwin who said something about survival of fittest? Don’t know how to park, drive around the block and look for an easy place to park. Evidently a self-parking car can fit into smaller spaces than most drivers can manage on their own. Hummm does that maybe say something about the gas guzzling leviathans we tool around in, if you can not park it you should not own it – maybe, right?

While the self parking cares available today are not completely autonomous they will be soon, trust me. Just what we need, no more back seat drivers but a car that will just take over operations when it thinks you are beyond your capabilities – GREAT. This is another reason I drive a 50+ year old jalopy, nothing going to take control of that car, except me. Being a gadget head I know there has to be some sensors on these cars to allow them to perform this modern miracle. Also being a gadget head I know that sensors go bad, not always in a way that they quit completely. What happens when your car is parking and a sensor fails and it stomps the gas because it thinks, for whatever reason, that you have plenty of room and you smash headlong into the Ferrari sitting in front of you? I am not sure what technologies this self parking car uses but I assume there is more than one magic trick in play here. I would imagine there is come optical recognition coupled with range finding lasers or some other means but think about that, this is your car not your PC. If you computer crashes you may loose an important email or document you have been working on. If the computer on your car crashes what happens to the woman pushing her stroller through the same spot your car is trying to park in? What then?

I want to bypass this simpleton crap about cars parking themselves and move directly, without passing go and without collecting 200 dollars, to George Freaking Jetson’s car. Hell the cars they were flying around in carried old George, his wife Jane and that damn geek Elroy and slut Judy as well as that crazy dog Astro around in unimaginable safety. That is the car I want damn it, and I do not want to go through the evolutionary process to get there – someone please make me THAT damn car now!  Look at this thing, parking itself goes without saying! 

Well that is all I have to say about that as well. Come on folks, what has happened to us as a country that we can be eating a fat bomb sandwich, with both hands, while our freaking car parks itself?