So why is everyone in such a big damn hurry!

So the other day I was on my way out to the Home Depot and was just amazed at how big a damn hurry everyone seemed to be in. In one case, a person in a big green Ford Excursion cut across three lanes of traffic, almost ripping the front of my old jalopy off in the process, that vehicle is so big he may not have even noticed if he did. Who in the world still drives one of those gas guzzling road hogs anyway? That prompted me to observe for a day or two the behavior of my fellow drivers and I was shocked at what I found. I was reminded of the country singer Billy Currington as he croons on his latest hit – “God is Great, Beer is good and people are crazy”. People are crazy and drive like they’re crazy!

I got to thinking back about my friend in the Excursion, where could he have been going that would justify his asinine behavior, I thought I would ponder it a while in an attempt to give him the benefit of the doubt. Could it be that he was transporting his pregnant wife to the hospital, I don’t think so as he was headed in the opposite direction of any of the hospitals in town. Could it be that he was an undercover policeman on the way to the scene of the crime, I am not positive but with no flashing lights behind the grill it is highly unlikely. Could it be that he was hungry and just had to get over to Bono’s for some baby back ribs before he starved to death, that is a highly probable maybe. Could it be that he was dealing with an emergency at home that required a 1 pound box of 6d finish nails, galvanized for outdoor use, immediately or someone might actually die? That is the conclusion I came to when I got to home depot and saw the behemoth he was driving sitting in a freaking handicapped spot at the Home Depot. I still cannot figure out what the pound of nails would have been used for.

I have talked before about bad drivers and the lack of common decency on the road these days but I am presented with more material on a daily basis. So on my observation days I also noticed several other examples of sheer idiocy, mostly perpetrated against me. I drive an old jalopy so I never seem to be moving quite fast enough to make folks happy, keep in mind I am usually at least close to the speed limit but that really means little to most folks. I like to leave space in front of my car when I drive, I have 4 wheel drum brakes and for those who remember what that is like you know, stopping in a hurry is challenging and if it is raining give it up. I was tooling down Southside Blvd. and I had my space in front of me, enough space evidently for the kindly woman driving a Mazda 6. In what can only be described as a nearly impossible feat she darted in front of me, there could not have been more than a foot between her and me and maybe another foot to the car in front of her. She then proceeded to stamp on the brake pedal to make the right hand turn, I damn near crashed in my attempt to miss her, thank God there was no on in the left lane from where she just came moments early because that is where I ended up.

The very next day Bride and I are on our morning walk, thankful we were on the sidewalk, when I heard a big vehicle coming up behind us. Just as I realized how fast it was coming and turned to ensure we were not getting ready to be mowed down - VRROOOOM this freaking school bus blasts past us. After passing us, the bus then jams through an S turn in the street without ever even tapping the brakes causing the top of the bus to sway wildly. We were both amazed and thanked God we never had kids who would have to ride with that bus driver. The moment we thought it was over we are watching and the bus comes to a stop sign, I say stop sign because the bus did not stop, tapped the brakes to get the lights to come on but stop - NO. It went around that 90 degree corner so fast that the tires were squealing. I wished I would have had the forethought to get the bus number so I could have called it in to the bussing company. There were 2 other busses that went past at a normal speed so we did not to get the wrong person in trouble so we did not report it. Looking back, if I had to do it again I would call it in anyway.

Later that day I was on my way home and was passed by a cement truck, with the slowdown in construction I have not seen many of them lately so it stood out for me, that and the fact he was going around me, at a good clip. So as he speeds by I see that the front bumper is about as high as my head and stuck out from the front of the truck. I mostly got to see the undercarriage of this monstrous death machine, all the spinning parts and large pieces of steel. So as I am looking at the thing I notice that it is all of the sudden much closer, this guy is changing lanes. I was wondering, how could he be missing me riding along right here. The rear view mirror on the passenger side of the truck was missing, busted maybe from a similar tactic with a semi truck. I slowed, as he sped up and disaster was averted. The car behind the cement truck was a 68 Chevy Impala, the body appeared in great shape and it was painted in a gray primer. I love that year Impala and we nodded at each other, we had a moment really like most folks who drive old cars have when they see each other. There is a camaraderie between old jalopy drivers, it does not matter if the jalopy is beautifully restored or in progress or just an old piece of crap. For those who drive old vehicles, you know what I mean, for those who don’t the reason will probably never be clear to you. We had a couple of gestures about the cement truck, we both understood how dangerous that was, and while the 68 Impala came with drum brake,s this car enthusiast had changed over to a 4 wheel disk brake setup so he was obviously better equipped to handle the idiocy of everyday drivers.

I think I have figured out the reason people drive like that and I bet it is not the reason you are thinking. In the age of TV set baby sitters they picked it up watching Popeye. Do you remember the one where he and Bluto are both in little cartoon cars and are waiting at the cartoon red light and when the light turns green, BAM Bluto stomps the gas and his little carton car vrooms to the next light, which is also red. Meanwhile our spinach eating hero, Popeye, takes off slowly and reaches the same red light Bluto was already waiting at before that light turned green. There they sit, side by side and the only difference is that Bluto used much more gas and was wearing out his tires more quickly and wearing out all the other parts of the drive train at the same time. So this second light turns green and Vrooom – Bluto stomps the gas again and makes it to the next red light in the big hurry, and again Popeye slowly takes off the ends up pulling up to the same red light Bluto has been waiting for. Well this goes on for several lights, I do not remember the rest of the skit or where they were going but I remember the cartoon cars and Bluto Vrooming to the next light each time. Could it be that unbeknownst to us we have been taught and are continuing to teach poor driving skills subconsciously through Popeye cartoons?

I would like everyone to drive like your Granma or Grandpa might drive for one whole day.