How many freakin lawn implements do we really need?

The best of my calculations tell me the flora that surrounds us has been growing, without our help, for somewhere around 4 billion years, give or take. Why is it over the last few hundred years have we become so obsessed with making “nature” looks right. And why over the last 50 years have we gone completely apey our lawns, or yards depending on your geographical location. We have invented gadgets to help us maintain a lawn the way we think it should look. I feel that we are kind of being presumptuous in believing we know what it should look like, neither the power of Darwin’s Origin of Species nor the theory of creationism or the belief that God created it all in 7 days had any details that explain what we do to our lawns to make them look good. It is not important how you think the grass got here, whatever you believe is fine, I can’t see any of the plans having fertilizers, lime, bug killer, weed and feed and all the other assorted chemicals and implements we subject our lawns to.

We purchased our first home in 1991 and the lawn was in tough shape. I had never maintained a yard before, I had mowed when I lived with my parents but never maintained a lawn. Most of the neighbor’s lawns were pristine looking and very manicured and here I was without even a lawn mower. One of my neighbors offered assistance, I think it had more to do with my lawn not making the block look bad than actually helping me. Regardless he indicated a sprinkler system was required for proper a looking lawn here in Florida, I thought sprinklers were for golf courses but learned with the weird grass and hot weather everyone with a decent looking lawn has a sprinkler system. He also spoke of foreign things, chemicals called 2-4D, atrazine and trace elements and of the need for a drop spreader to spread weed and feed and a broadcast spreader to lay down milorganite and fertilizer and bug killer. It was making my head spin, I had not even purchased a mower yet and here was a list of thousands of dollars worth of chemicals and implements. It took some time for him to get over his disdain about a northerner moving onto the block so I was fighting that battle as well.

Slowly I was able to install a sprinkler system, my first attempt was pretty poor, and after a year or so got the lawn looking pretty good. I also found a new best friend at the Ace Hardware store, there was a lady there who was a genius. I could take her some grass clippings or leaves from a tree or flowers and she could not only identify the problem but recommend a course of action. You need this spray and wait two days and add that granulated goody and then bump the time up on the sprinkler system. She was my savior, I learned from her, not only by asking questions but keeping a journal, detailing the problems and what the resolutions were. I did not want to seem like a bad pupil by asking the same question over and over again. I had watched her chastise a guy for that “didn’t you have this same problem 3 years ago” she said, I got out of the military some time ago and did not want a dressing down in front of other customers in the Ace Hardware. It got to the point that I was able to diagnose 99% of my problems and with the help of my journal I could provide detailed explanations of the cures as well.

So I have been a home owner now for a long time and have maintained my lawn for a long time. In this house I designed the sprinkler system on the computer and the sections I have installed work fantastically. I also own all the implements, I still have that first push mower as well as a riding mower, the 20 inch cut was killing me on a 115 x 115 foot lot. I have a gas weed-eater and hedge trimmer as well as a power edger and a 480 mile an hour backpack blower. Early on I would my the gadgets from places like Home Depot or Lowes but realized the quality of those gadgets are not up to the continued use and have moved up to the professional lines, Stihl, Husqvarna and Snapper are the horses in my stable now. They require a larger initial investment but when you think of amortizing over the life of the equipment, they started paying me back in about 2-3 years.

My lawn is still not perfect and never will be but I try hard to maintain it. This is not so much for me anymore, I have proven I can do it, but to help keep the neighborhood up. The older I get the more I believe that letting nature take its course is the best approach. I leave the leaves until they all fall and the last frost has passed, and you know the leaves protect the grass from the cold. I have planted native plants that do not do not require the amount of water, fertilizer and special care that some of the exotics do. I have not slacked on the bug control, my bride hates bugs and we live in Florida so I keep plenty of bug killer laid down, which eliminates the moles and armadillos, no bugs for them to eat.

How many implements and chemicals are in your shed?