Key Fob’s, are they an indication of how dumb we have become????

So there I was yesterday pumping gas into my jalopy as I watched a woman come out to her car with a bag of donuts, a cup of coffee and her cell phone jammed into her ear. I thought to myself, self keep an eye on her because I want to watch how she is going to get into her car while trying to juggle all the necessities of her day, car keys, phone, coffee and donuts. So as she gets close to her car I can see her trying to mash the button on her key FOB and I thought I was about to be amused, I am here to tell you I had no idea. By the way it also made me wonder what FOB was an acronym for, what I found was the word FOB could be followed back through time to the low class of the German citizenry when they used the word Fuppe when describing their pockets. A little known and less cared about factoid I know, but there it is.

Anyway back to the lady juggling the necessities of her day - so I see her start mashing that FOB a bit more vigorously, using the same hand she is holding, and talking on, her phone. Now she is within 2 feet of her car her and little does she know her world is about to crumble and spin violently it off its axis. She mashed that FOB no less than 15 times, spilling a bit of coffee on her other hand, her body movements indicated she was in a highly agitated state at this point. When she realized the FOB was not going unlock her door I swear I could see her whole head start to turn red, from across the parking lot.

In her haste and in a critical overestimation of her abilities, without sitting anything down or halting the phone call I might add, she tried to punch her combination into the little keypad close to the door handle. I wished I were closer and I was not sure why, I initially wanted to offer assistance and secretly I wanted to hear what she was saying, thinking that might make the experience more enjoyable for me. Anyway, what happened next ruined her day and is going to keep her pissed for every bit of week, I know this because at this point I could hear her. As she was leaning down to punch the code into the keypad on her car door, her coffee cup lost level and more of the hot contents spilled onto her hand, causing her to drop it. When it hit the ground and splattered all over her feet and legs I watched in horror as the chain reaction started, she also dropped her keys and the phone that was still suck in her ear and there was an immediate and dangerous spike in her blood pressure. I almost dialed 911 in a preemptive attempt to save her from the stroke I knew was coming. She did not seem pleased about it but I was thinking, thank goodness the donuts were safe, the loop on the plastic bag still dangled around her arm.

At this point I decided that I would not offer assistance, I was a bit scared to get close for fear of losing a limb. Strangely enough as I watched this drama unfold, it was not nearly as funny as I had hoped it would be, I was left with a strange and empty feeling. I could empathize with this woman as I have been there. Not that exact situation but I bet we have all story of struggling to make it through the day when it seems God hated us. I almost felt ashamed as I averted my eyes and continued pumping my gas.

Once she collected herself and the essentials of day and left the scene of the accident I started wondering about key FOB’s and what they, in all their various forms, have contributed to our society, and/or taken away from our society in this case I think. I myself have 3 and don’t even have one to do my car doors. One lets me into work, activates the door access system and one that opens my garage door and the third is the coolest. I got it from the local NPR station and when I mash the button it keeps track of the time and the radio schedule of my NPR station. I then poke the thing into a USB slot on my computer it takes me to the site where I can listen to the show that was on the radio at the time I mashed the button. While that FOB is a cool novelty how critical is it in the overall success of my life. If I liked the story on Morning Edition that much I could go to the web site and listen, this gadget just saves me a few clicks nothing more.

I have seen FOB’s that unlock car doors, open said door and even start the car. I have seen FOB’s that disable home alarm systems, turn on the porch light and even dial the police immediately. I have seen FOB’s that open garage doors, act as a television remote and even act as a personal voice recorder. For the love of God man, can’t we do anything anymore, get up and flip the light switch on. These little FOB gadgets seem to contribute to us feeling that we must try to multitask, all the time, every time, even when listening to the radio on my way home. The poor irate woman most likely did not even realize that her poor attempt to multi-task, the coffee, the donuts, the key fob, the cell phone, was actually responsible for her misfortune. I know she blamed the FOB (I heard that part), then the keypad and maybe even the phone but I bet she never even considered assigning some of that blame to herself for obviously trying to do more than she was capable of doing.

Had it been 20 years ago, that woman may not have had a car that required a FOB or came with a freakin touch pad to get into. She most likely would not have been distracted by a cell phone and I bet she would not have locked her car door to travel the 12 steps into the gas station to get a coffee and donut, there is a story in that alone I know it - of course for another day. If we remove any one of her “modern conveniences”, she would have eliminated her entire series of unfortunate events and been happy when she got to work with her coffee and donuts.

So tell me again how much these little gadgets help us?

How many things can you do at once?

Of that list how many do you fool yourself into believing you are doing at even a mediocre level let alone doing well?