So, Bride asked me last night if I had
ended up now where I had planned to be when I was a younger man. No one has ever asked me that question in
quite that way before. This is actually a very good question, at least I think
so. It really made me think about my youth and where my young and mostly dumb
self thought I might be at age 50.
The truth is, I have never once
really contemplated "where" I would be during any stage of my life. As with most people, at least I hope, I spent
a good deal of time contemplating the "who" I would be on my journey
on this ride through my life. My life experiences, starting at a young age,
reinforced the fact that the "who" was much more important.
I have spent time thinking about
"what" I wanted to do, and I have done a few things over my life, which
were all pretty different and provided me great experiences and memories. I did
the rebellious youth thing and learned a lot of things the hard way. I did the
single thing and I liked that. I did the Navy thing, and liked it. I did the
civilian thing and liked that to. I am doing the married things and I love
that. I attempt to use each step on the path to further develop the
"who" part.
I spent a lot of time determining
"how" I would progress through life and work. I was probably naive
but…… I felt at 18, as I feel today, that with the application of hard work,
the “how” will always get better. I have been extremely fortunate in that
regard. In the Navy I learned as much as I could, reading technical manuals for
fun. I honed my crafts, being one with the electronic gadgetry and learning how
to motivate and encourage people to be the best they could be.
I found it was never terribly hard
for me to stand out. First I had to know my shit, so I spent, and still spend, a
lot time learning my shit. Next you had to get along with others, so I focused
on, and still focus on, getting along with others, Robert Fulghum's “All I
really needed I know I learned in kindergarten” was a big help. Next you had to
work your ass off, so I did that, and still do that, more often than, not as
well.
Those skills and the processes used
are applicable to work, to friendship, to life and to marriage. Those three
attributes are some of the keys to success, in my opinion, for all of life.
Again, all of that was being applied to developing the "who" I was,
not necessarily where I would be at any particular point along the way. I
always had a blind optimism that those traits would always keep me moving up
professionally and make me a better person, friend, husband, as I journeyed
along.
I just love this question, Bride
just dropped it on me after completely kicking my ass at Trivial Pursuit. This
question is so thought provoking. I have never had a destination in mind for my
life. I guess I always knew I would get there, and there would be wherever my
journey takes me. I did have a thought about "where"
geographically speaking, I knew I wanted to live in Florida, and I did for 25
years.
Having a notion about where we want
to be at certain points in our lives seems counterproductive to me. It makes it
about the destination and not the journey. The one absolute in life is that it
happens, the good, the bad and the ugly. There are only about 9.999 giga-bajilloion
variables that could impact the exact destination. Seems to me that is almost setting
ourselves up for failure, or at least disappointment. How many kids who wanted to be an astronaut
actually became astronauts? I ended up working
in TV and radio instead of walking on the damn moon and my life experiences are
no less rich for it either. Life has a way of diverting our journey, and
that is OK.
If we focus on the here and now, we spend
our time figuring out how to enjoy, or at least tolerate it. We have the opportunity to enrich our lives
with those experiences, regardless whether we perceive them to be rotten
or great. Looking at the positive in all things seems to me so much better than
being pissed about not walking on the moon.
All we ever have is the moment, the
one that is going on right now and if we spent our time being anywhere else we
are doing a disservice to ourselves, our family and our friends. How we
react to what life offers is really all we have, we can choose that reaction
every time and it makes our moods either positive or negative - choice is
always ours, including choices that will change our circumstances.
Sadness scan come from pondering a past event, anxiety can come from pondering future events, and contentment comes from enjoying the moment. For me, right now my dog is sleeping at my feet, country music is playing on the TV and bride is in the back yard talking to a sister, don't know which one though. I am a very happy man.
Another thing that comes with spending
time on the "where" is the worrying created about the
"when". When we focus on the ride, the where and when and all the
worry and stress related just fades away. The “who” is what you wake up with
every morning, what you go to bed with every evening and what makes you the
person you are.
I am the most fortunate human I
know, not because of any of the trappings and successes I have in the world we
live in. It is because I have 50 years of experiences, personal and shared, and
a life time of friends that have made me who I am today and brought right to here,
a pretty damn good life with Bride. The story of your life is going on around
you, stop worrying about where you are going and start enjoying the damn ride!
I am exactly where I was meant to be at moment!
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