So last Monday
night Bride and I were sitting around playing on our gadgets, we both have
iPads. I realized as I watched her, she
was playing a game, that we spend an inordinate amount of time on our gadgets. We play games, surf the old interwebs, catch
up on the news and play on the Facebook and that is the short list of things we
do on our gadgets. It dawned on me how
much time we spend with our faces in the gadgets and not on each other. My favorite thing in the world to stare at is
her face, not my electronic gadget. I
realized I was addicted to Facebook.
There have been studies that indicated each like or reaction to one of
our posts trigger a lot of the same centers in our brains that heroin addicts
trigger when they get a fix. That is kind
of scary when ya think about it.
So, within
about 2 minutes I decided that I would take a week off from Facebook. I also decided a couple of other things, I
would have Bride change my password so I would not be tempted. I could always send in the request for a
password change but I am hopeful that I am strong enough to not actively try to
break in. At the end of one week I will
have Bride log me back in and we will see.
The other thing I decided to do was the write a blog about my
experience. Since many of the same
areas of the brain are impacted I wondered if I would go through the
withdrawals like an addict might. I
don’t know but I figure I might just learn a bit about myself through the
process.
Evening one
off the Face Book
So usually I
am checking my FB quite often, I could not even count the times I glance at it
or roam around in it. It has become so
much a part of my routine that I don’t even notice. Almost like olfactory fatigue, where once
exposed to a smell long enough your system just sort of tunes it out and you
can’t smell the offensive odor anymore.
After Bride changed my password I felt a bit of anxiety, how weird that
was. I don’t recall what time that was
but within an hour I had reached for my pad at least 5 times. I realized how dependent I was almost
immediately. Usually the last thing I do
before going to sleep is take one last run through to see what is going on with
my friends. It seems stupid even typing
this, the last thing I do before going to sleep is FB’ing? WTF? I
instead spent some additional time researching some work things and then spend
a bit reading a book called the Blue Mind by Wallace J. Nichols, it is a book
about the impact or water on us from a scientific perspective. Lots of research has been done going back to
the stone age and with the new fMRI technology we are able to gather a great
deal about ourselves, yet to be determined in my opinion if and what we can
learn from any of it. Some things should
remain a mystery in my opinion.
Day one off
the Facebook
I can’t
believe how silly this sounds but apparently the first thing I do in the
morning is spend a few minutes on the Facebook, even before I get out of
bed. I slipped into such a routine I did
not even realize how pervasive my addiction was. So this morning there was none of that. I played with the dog, made Bride coffee and
off to work I went, no Facebook fix at all.
As I was driving in and waiting at a red light I snapped a couple of
pictures of the sunrise and magnificent cloud formations, I clicked share on FB
and realized – no joy! That is as
programmed a response as can be. I was
doing that almost on a subconscious level.
I know folks appreciate my pictures of the world around me, or maybe
they don’t. I base that one someone who
see them clicking “like” or making a comment.
How easy is that and does even that become a conditioned response? It sure is weird all the things that are
popping into my head as a work my way through the first day without my FB fix.
I do not
normally get on FB much at work.
Sometimes at lunch and sometimes when I just take a break I may jump on
to take a look. It really had become an
unconscious thing for me, I would do it and not even notice I had done it. I clicked on the FB shortcut on computer a
number of times today, weird. How can
something like this have crept into my psyche without me realizing it had
happened. All data from day one is pointing
to the fact it is an addiction issue, or at a minimum it presents like an
addiction problem.
Day two off
the Facebook
Wow, it is
hard for me to describe the feelings I have had today. I am stunned how much like what I think
detoxing must be like. My anxiety has
been high all day. Again, it is amazing
how unconscientious my use of the Facebook was. I highly encourage you to try this, the
experience is enlightening. As I sit
here I wonder, had I weaned myself down would this experience be
different? They say cold turkey is the
hardest way, I am not sure I agree. When
I quit drinking, I just quit. I had no
plan, I had not forethought. A situation
arose, what they call in the military an alcohol related incident, and I
decided I was done – voila. Same came
when it came to quitting the last time, a little over 8 years ago. I had no plan, I had not forethought. I just woke up one morning and said I am
done, bought some patches and - voila.
I don’t
suspect I will remove myself forever from the Facebook but I think I will most
assuredly reevaluate my use and probably have scheduled pauses from it as we
move forward. It would be hard to lose
the relationships I rekindled with so many folks from all over my past. I actually found myself talking at work
today about being off the Facebook. It
is almost as if I am somehow seeking justification to go back from sympathetic
coworkers. I asked Bride to change my
password, I am glad I did that. To sneak
back in I will have either ask her for it, failing or having FB send me a reset
link, again failing and deception – argh!
Day Three
off the Facebook
MAN THIS IS
HARD! I had no idea stopping playing on the Facebook would manifest all
these feelings. As I know a bit about addiction and have read a lot, this
is as close as I can imagine to detoxing, from something as simple as a app on
an electronic gadget. It is scary to think about if something were to
happen that caused a wide spread outage of not just facebook but connection to
the world. For example, a couple of satiltiee going out, a few major
interweb hubs, fiber cross points or a coordinated cyber attack that takes it
all down.
Think
about if your electronic gadgets stopped working, would you even know the
phone numbers of all your loved ones? What would your emergency
communication plan be. How would we know what surrounds us if the GPS on
our gadgets is not working. How would we find out way when
traveling? Who still has a paper map in the glove box, or the big Rand McNally
road map book in your house? What would happen if all of the sudden you
were not able to text? No emoticons – OH NO!!
I am not
saying any of that will happen, I am only describing my reaction to Facebook withdrawals.
These are the things that are popping into my head. My mind is racing, to
make it worse I get email from FB telling me about birthdays, the activity on
my “Damn it is good to be a Smith” page as well as when someone tags me in
something or places little things on my timeline. That is like dangling a
speedball in front of an addict who is three days into recovery – holy hell
this is hard. Today is the first time I have wondered if I will make it
the whole seven days I told myself I would make. Even that seems funny, I
cannot even reach out to my friends on FB to talk about it. My friends in
real life seem to just look at me and laugh, the way one might at a stupid
drunk brother in law at a wedding.
I thought by
now it would be getting easier, I suppose I should be grateful that at least it
is not getting any worse.
Day four,
the pressure is letting up a bit, Bride mentioned that I might be turning into
a bitch so I guess I am not quite out of the woods yet. I focused on work both Friday and Saturday,
proposal is due Tuesday afternoon and it requires a lot of research and
work. At least it kept my mind
occupied.
Sunday
morning, day 5 I have decided to finish this blog and then ask Bride for my password. Some of the things I have learned through
this I am somewhat addicted to Facebook.
This morning while watching the sunrise from my chair in the water at
Atlantic beach I really started evaluating what Facebook is to me. Do I want to abandon it? Do I want to go back to the way I was, unconscientiously
checking in to see what was going on? Do
I want to monitor a bit and get back to where I am aware the impact it is having
on me.
Just as
information is not knowledge and knowledge is not wisdom I think there are some
analogs that be found in facebook and other social media. I have limited myself to just facebook and do
not tweet, pin or otherwise engage in other forms of social media. For sure that will remain the same, I will
only use facebook for now. When I say
use, that is what I mean. I use facebook
to stay in touch with people I would otherwise not have the opportunity to do. That spans all the way back to Sharon, who
was my pre kindergarten babysitter all the way through current best friends. What I am going to do is cull the herd, not
so much of friends but of other nonsense that I have liked over the years.
I want to
use FB as a communication tool for effective communication, not just the
passive scrolling of peoples lives. I
have always been one who private messages folks to check in on how things are
going for that person. I suspect I do
that much more than most, I do not often get many PM’s that are not in response
to mine and that is OK. FB, as traditionally
used, is not communication, just as not knowledge is not wisdom. I am going to strive to not be so absent
mindedly absorbed by the Facebook and strive to use it in a way that enriches
my relationships with my friends. Those who
are more just acquaintances or the folks who do not bring something meaningful
to my life are will gone from my FB world by the end of today.
That means
that if you see me tomorrow, you contribute to my well being and I want to
thank ya for being my friend. I urge you
each to try getting off for a week, overall it was an interesting
exercise. One I plan to repeat once
every few months to evaluate my absorption.
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