An article in USA today – Friends no more? For some social networking had become too much of a good thing.

I do not normally read the USA Today paper but as I waited in line to pay for my coffee, I noticed the title story that was on the top fold. I was intrigued, I often ponder the usefulness and effectiveness of the so called “social network”. They seem so virtual that I regularly wonder what the purpose is. Just like the Wii, if I wanted to learn how to play golf - I would go get a set of clubs and go play golf. How important is, and can, a virtual relationship be, which is what they are, all of them – Twitter, MySpace, Facebook and the myriad others – Virtual reality. They do have huge benefits, I have reconnected with folks in the virtual world and then later through that connection hooked back up with them in real life. Marco R. della Cava wrote what I thought was a very good piece for the cover story in USA Today on the 10th of February that covered some of the concerns. Although I do not agree 100% with him, I do think he makes some very good points.

My initial interaction with the social networking started late in 2007 with my joining My Space, I created a home page, put up a couple of pictures, and then lived with the fear. The fear, that I did not have the time or inclination to decorate my page. Some of my very few friends had wildly elaborate pages that had scrolling pictures, played music, and were pieces of art, in my opinion. I on the other hand did not really want to spend my time sitting at the computer learning how to and then in turn creating a fancy home page that did all the cool things my friends pages would do. After that My Space page languished for a while, I just stopped doing anything with it. I was not about to let some virtual reality create anxiety and fear for me, no way. That is kind of how I felt at times, it was a weird feeling and I did not like it at all. I do not have that kind of anxiety in real relationships, why would a let a computer application run on a web site affect me. It turned me off to the whole social networking thing, I decided I would prefer real relationships over the virtual. I thought maybe it is my age but have decided nope – it was a conscience decision not to spend my time on the computer and spend it actually doing things.

It was not until early 2009 that I decided that I would try again, this time on Facebook. It was quite a bit different, there were not fancy pages to create, no feelings of inadequacy and no anxiety. I remember talking to a friend of mine and determining that it was a passively selective way to have a relationship. It came fast, I was soon up over 200 friends. I was not using any of the apps that were built into this program. No hugs, no flowers, no farm animals, no fish, no mafia wars and none of the other things people kept trying to get me to play. I wanted to use this new tool to reconnect with friends, I did not want it to take over my life with computer games. It did not take me long to realize that getting the most friends was not what I was looking for. That realization came with a post from a so-called friend that managed to disparage women and minorities in the same post. I remembered back in time and realized that I was only stationed with this dip shit and that I never really liked him, it was what I called a proximity relationship, those who were in the Military know what being stationed together means.

I liked it though, this new interface to the world. It emboldened me to seek out people from my past, I also learned people were looking for me. It was great, now with a manageable 100 friends I was really starting to enjoy getting on and checking in on what folks were doing. I met up with one woman in California that was actually looking for someone else but weirdly we became good friends. We did have some mutual friends so it was OK. I reconnected with all manner of folks from my past and I liked it. Shortly after I got on and started enjoying it, I started a blog, this one you are reading. I was not sure where it would go or how long it would last but here we a one year later and I am still babbling on about any number of topics. I have reconnected with Bride and I’s oldest friends, we all met in Annapolis Maryland when we were all four in the Navy. Well this led to that and we got married and so did they and then like every military posting, some got out, some transferred and we lost track of each other. We reconnected and they visited us on their Florida Vacation last week and we had a GREAT time. I do not plan on leaving Facebook, I will not allow it take over my life either.

The Article states that there are 400 million folks who have active accounts on Facebook, 400,000,000! That is a bunch of folks, more than the population of the United States by about 100 million people. That number is staggering and if you know anything about social networks and how they work, the whole 6 degrees of separation thing, the ramifications of it should be scary to you, they are to me. We can get in touch with anyone, anywhere. According to the article, just as the social networking train is gathering momentum some have decided to get off at the next stop. Some felt they were being harassed by strangers and that was the reason given for leaving the virtual world. My experience has been to dump those strangers from your friends list or better yet, do not friend people who are strangers in the first place. I had that problem when I first got on, as soon as I realized that I did not like that person in real life, they became erased from my virtual life. The article tells us that even the likes of Miley Cyrus has quit twitter, whoever she is. Seems the site was a distraction from her relationships. Hum….. virtual friendships not as good as the real thing. I agree!

I was interested to find that there are companies dedicated to erasing folks online identities. For a fee, these hucksters of the digital age will remove your virtual existence. Seems that some have put a bit too much information out there and are now worried about ensuring that it be properly erased. Having worked on computers for over 20 years and being an early adopter of the internet (AOL before they had version 2) I know that nothing is really ever erased. It may be hidden from your view and it may be hidden from many folks view but it is never gone. Even if you use the tools provided by the sites themselves, your business is out there – deal with it. I am careful about what I put online and I act the same in my virtual world as I do in my real world. Just like I would not let anything take over my real life, I set limitations and boundaries for my virtual life. I will not let some computer application that resides on a web server somewhere I will never see, take over my life. I have seen and see some of my friends who are updating constantly, like I give a shit when you go to the bathroom – TMI.

Well my advice to you is this, enjoy this new novelty they are calling social networking. Not sure about how they got to that name since it is really interacting with a computer screen sitting in your house when you should be going out and experiencing real social networking, where you actually interact with people. There will always be a lack of context when pecking away on a keyboard, it is just a simple fact. Do not let this thing take over your life and I think we will be fine. If it sucks you into farms, fish tanks, wars and all the other things there are to do – DO NOT WORRY, I will bet that there will soon be a virtual group in this virtual world that you can join to deal with and address your addiction problems.