2009 – What a year, a lot of loss and a lot of gain

With 2009 in the books I have had time to ponder what the year meant for me. If I had to grade the year, 2009 gets a passing grade. I made it through and they have not started shoveling dirt on my face.

I got on Facebook in January. I remember thinking at first it was a passively selective way to have a relationship. That opinion has changed, I have reconnected with folks from every part of my life starting with my babysitter from before I went to kindergarten to folks on both ships and all the shore duty assignments I had in the military. I have reconnected with really good friends in my life that I had just lost touch with after the military. What I initially thought was a passively selective way to have a relationship has turned into something very special to me. I have made new friends that I have never met but we talk all the time. I have had chats with friends here in Jacksonville about topics we have never talked about in person or on the phone. There is a certain amount of boldness and openness to this Facebook thing. I have told things to people in the ether-world that I most likely would have never said to my friends face to face. It has taught me to be as open and honest in my “offline” relationships as I am in with my friends when we are “online”. I like it!

This year I, for the first time, started to wonder where in the world the world is going. I mean, it seems so crazy to me and I have no idea what the answers are anymore. It permeates our personal lives and work lives. Work was crazy, like it is for everyone. Cutbacks on staff, reduced hours and pay cuts suck but they were enough to keep the company viable and operating. It is still crazy, even more so with less people and less hours to get the same amount of work done. It supports my life though, which is what a job is supposed to do and I feel for those people who think that that works the other way. I do not ever want to be defined by what I do for a living, I do that so I can spend the rest of my time getting on with living life. This year I have remained focused on maintaining the balance, crazy world swirling around and nary a thing I can do about it is somewhat difficult for me. I feel I have strengthened my coping skills in that area, adversity is nothing more than practice sessions for our lives and I feel for the ones who do not recognize that. That is where we need to dig in and truly learn who we are and what we are all about.

Early 2009 had a mild winter, I do not remember having any days that dipped below freezing, unlike this miserably cold we are enduring right now. 2009 was off to a good start and I had a nice quiet birthday – my 44th. Seems nearly impossible sometimes that I made it this far. I just do not feel old, oh yeah sometimes my body feels some aches and pains that were not there before but I just do not mentally feel old. I think that is the biggest task in our lives, to never be old of mind. Our biological aging is an evolutionary process and it will end in death but how we spend our time on that trip is the key to happiness. As with every birthday I spent some time pondering my life, where I have been and where I might be going. Getting everything in the proper perspective helps me maintain balance in my life and this year was no different.

Later in February, the 21st actually, I decided to start a blog, hell I was still very new to Facebook and the whole social networking thing but I had something to say and I built my own soapbox to say it. After staring into my bowl of oatmeal thanking all those who contributed to bringing it to me and I could not for the life of me figure out what our government was doing with all the money and what impact it would have on me. If my getting my bowl of Oatmeal was that complicated there was no way the government could understand what they were doing with that much money, of that I was sure. That was the topic of my first one and I had no idea where it would go to and how long it might last. My Beautiful Bride came up with the name, Mr. Oatmeal’s Oratories and here you are reading it. I was not sure where that was going but here were are 11 months later, 150 Oratories down and thousands and thousands of visitors behind us and I still have more to say – whodathunkit?

We lost Mom on March 17th in a small town North of Pittsburgh. She had been suffering through Alzheimer’s for some time when she finally passed away. Though there was a bizarre sequence of events after her death, I was able to mourn and come to peace with Mom being gone. I still think about her often and as I look around my house, I reminded of her all the time. She also wrote a column for several newspapers over the years, similar to what my Oratories turned into. I wish she would have gotten the opportunity to read some of them, I think she would have liked them. She was a much better writer than me, I just kind of punch out the string of thoughts that run through my head, not much thought goes into flow and cohesion of the Oratory. I am not sure if it has gotten any better or not but it has become easier. My Mom had a huge impact on my life, lots of quiet contemplation has revealed that fact to me. A great deal of who I am is related to the way she was. That includes the good and the bad, some things about her I emulate, some things I avoid at all cost but I do so because I saw the negative impact that certain actions had on her life. I miss my Mom

Out of the blue my Niece called us, it was April 14th, to ask if she could give up her life in Ohio and move in with us while she started her new life in Florida. There were many calls and many plans made but it was July before she finally made it here. It was exciting for both Bride and I, to see life through the eyes of a 22 year old. She was not here long at all before she was working and going to school to become a surgical technician. She has been a real joy in our lives and we both love her so much. It is scary though that we are so similar, I feel sorry for her because I have lived a lot of the experiences I know she will encounter. Makes me smile though, anticipating what she takes away from those experiences. We have had lots of adventures, sunrises here, sunsets on the gulf coast. Developing a new little known name for folks, A Bogo on the Blue Bell for instance, we still use it and it makes me laugh every time.

On October 24th we lost Dad to a variety of complications. Complications, that is a good word. Complicated is the best way to describe my feelings after Dad passed. Through another bizarre set of circumstances, the funeral for my Dad was equally fraught with unwanted and most definitely unneeded drama created by a sibling. Not the exact same drama that was created when Mom died but equal in its bullshit and ridiculousness. Hummmm, seems I have not quite let go of that all the way yet. Dad’s death was harder for me, I suspect it is because I was involved in the process more. With Mom her new Husband was left to address all the details of her passing. With Dad it fell to my Sister and some to me. Cleaning out his apartment was the most horrible thing I have ever had to do. If for some reason that responsibility ever falls to me again I will hire someone to do it, for those who have done it you know what I am talking about. A funny story, I have paid his phone bill for a while and when he passed and I was in Urbana I tried to close the account and make the final payment. They told me they could not give that amount and it would be better to just let the final bill come in the mail and pay that amount, which is what I did. Funny thing is though, seems the amount they told me to pay was about 6 bucks more than I owed so I got a statement telling me I have a credit. Even in death my Dad is making me laugh, I live 1000 miles away from there and that credit will probably just get left there, unused forever. Makes me laugh, I miss my Dad.

We also lost Sybok, Bride and I’s kitty of almost 10 years. He developed kidney problems and in the end we had to put him to sleep. That is the second time I have had to do that and I am here to tell you that SUCKS. Sybok was the weirdest cat we ever had, Bride and I have had four together. Sybok was introduced into our home as an 8 week old kitten, we had a 4 year old dog (Boston terrier) and a 8 year old cat. He immediately asserted himself as the dominate Alpha Male. It was his kingdom and we were all his subjects. Every night when going to bed he would come in and demand some forced petting. He would stay about 5 – 10 minutes and then off he would go. He was such a lover kitty, when he wanted to be, when he did not, he was not though. It is the first time Bride and I have been without a cat since before we were married and it seems really weird. We are going to go to the pound and adopt two kittens soon. Maybe we will when it starts to warm up a little. I miss that damn weird cat.

The year ended with Bride officially retiring, yeah I know I wish that were me too. Don’t get to thinking that we are filthy rich so my Bride does not have to work, we are not. We do however make enough to pay the bills and go out every now and again so - what is really important. Hanging out and having fun together – that is what is important. I wished she loved to cook, then maybe I would have a gourmet dinner waiting every night for me when I get home from the salt mines. She has been trying to figure out what to do in retirement, she is looking for things to occupy her time. I can’t imagine her knitting or crocheting so those are out but I am sure she will find just the right thing to occupy her time.

Speaking of hanging out and having fun, I also started a quest to visit the nearly 400 parks in the Jacksonville Park system. That happens to the largest urban park system in the country by the way. Just got started so I am not sure where it will take me but it has had me interviewed on the radio and then the following week the Mayor was talking about my quest, on the radio again. I was followed around today by a writer from the Folio Weekly Magazine while I visited a couple of parks. Makes me laugh out loud, and not LOL. LOL is so overused. If something makes me laugh out loud it seems I should be able to muster the time to say it, laughing out loud. Anyway, the park thing is fun so far, 40+ parks visited and written about and 340+ to go, even the numbers make me laugh.

That’s pretty much it. I am looking forward to 2010, it will be a great year!