So to start with that term is one I created and defined, if you google that, it has other meanings that are FAR from what I am talking about when I use that term. When I use that term I am speaking of those relationships that start out super topical and grow at the pace of a great redwood tree. They mostly get started through some transactional interaction, for example the teller at the bank that you prefer or the checker at the grocery store or maybe someone you meet while watching a sunrise from a amazing spot.
While these relationships are often taken for granted, they
are so important – at least to me. They fill
in the gaps between our close friends and strangers we have yet to be acquainted
with. They bring a certainty to our
lives, a comfort in knowing a bit about the Dude or Dudette selling ya a car battery
or cutting your hair or selling ya a lotto ticket.
I make a deliberate effort to cultivate micro-relationships whenever
possible. They often times start with a few words to a person, saying thank you
Randy to the man who checks you out at the Safeway grocery store, and you know
his name is Randy initially because his name tag says Randy. That eventually leads you to going to his
line to get checked out, even if that line is longer than the other lines. This can happen anywhere, even at the car wash
or the landfill.
I have seen so many service folks like Randy abused by “Karens”
(sorry Karen B and Karen F as you are not Karens in the way I am using that
word here). I have seen folks like Randy
completely ignored while some Kevin (male version of a Karen I just learned from
Google).
Everyone of us is just trying to do our thing and every single
one of us should be given every bit as much respect as everyone else in the world! NO ONE should look down on, ignore or be an asshat
to someone just doing the gig they have to support their lives. ESPECIALLY when it is so easy to share a
smile, a kind word or just an simple acknowledgement of their existence.
While I have many friends who mean the absolute world to me,
I have an equal amount of relationships that fall into the micro relationship
category. Funny thing is that for me,
they both hold equal value in my heart, absolutely different but absolutely
equal. Equal because they fill a gap, we
don’t always get to see our friends every day, and yet we do see and interact
with all sorts of folks all the time, and each is an opportunity to spool a bit
of positive out into the inverse.
I am absolutely convinced that most of the positive fortune I
have had in my life came back to me because I have been deliberate about spooling
positive out. Basically many of the eastern
religions call that Karma, not being religious in any way I prefer spooling positive
out, I learned today that there’s some science backing that up. At least on the good Karma side,
which is very different than the Karma the Karens and Kevins of the world spool
out.
SO… you might be wondering why I am even typing about this?? Well, with our recent move, in addition to missing
my Brothers and Sisters from other Mothers, I also acutely feel the loss of the
myriad micro-relationships I had formed in the 10 and half years I spent in Oregon.
I know that I will rebuild those here in
Lincoln, but I feel the loss and look forward to getting those back in my life,
and I have started.
These are long game relationships that build slowly over
time, as you only have minutes at time with these folks. It also starts for me with a simple smile and
asking how they are doing and then some little joke or smart aleck answer to
how I am doing. For those who know me
you have hundreds of them. They range
from “living the dream” to “if I were any better I’d be twins of you” to “it’s too
early to tell”.
As you can imagine those get any range of responses, but it
also indicates to me if a micro-relationship is worth pursuing. I only recall a couple of times that I thought,
nope, nope and NOPE. I have found after
a couple of interactions they start to recognize me and initiate the
conversation, ya know with how ya doing today?
Over time, a few tiny nuggets at a time, you learn about who
they are, what they are about, what pets they have or what their kids are doing
and other little mundane factoids, and they learn those things about you as well.
Over time you start to look forward to
the check in with them at the check out line and if ya haven’t seen them for a
while you wonder and hope they are ok.
This can happen with many folks, like Samantha, who went by
Sam, who cut my hair for a number of years before she had a kiddo and became a stay-at-home
Mom. Or Smitty who was the guru over at
Advanced Auto Parts, who eventually learned each vehicle I owned, and he had a
kick ass 32 Ford. That relationship was
easy to get started, as we were both Smitty.
It was also Chuck, who delivered firewood to Smithlandia, who
was a super interesting dude who spent a few years building his own house, and
it was amazing – yes he took me over to check it out. Or Bobby, the first dude we had in Oregon taking
care of our yard. He was in previous life
a pot farmer and eventually helped me grow a bumper crop one year, just to see
if I could do it. I remember him being
pissed that my harvest came out better then his, hahaha, all I did was exactly
what he told me to.
It could be Roy, who I met on the beach watching the sunrise
in Jacksonville and became very close friends.
I took him to both his cataract surgeries and eventually he came to our
home every year for Thanksgiving. He
also took me to his country club for lunch, which he really enjoyed doing. A lasting and meaningful relationship that
started with us at sunrise one morning at the beach. Here is a story I wrote about him when he passed. Mr.
Oatmeal's Oratories
I am sure I am not alone in having these kinds of micro-relationships
and I am probably not alone in how important they are in my life. Anyway, I wanted to tell you about and encourage
you to slow down long enough to make a difference in someone’s life, no matter
how small.
Which leads to me Ariel, my first micro-relationship here in
Nebraska. Well, I feel it is the
beginning of one anyway. Bride and I went
out to breakfast a couple of weekends ago and I noticed one waitress doting
over an elderly gentleman at a table near us.
To the point of sitting with him for a few minutes two or three times.
The bits of the conversation that I overheard were just the
day to day of life events but there was a connection between them for sure. I recall thinking how awesome is that that
she took a few minutes out of her day to brighten his day, spooling the positive
into the universe.
So we were there a few days later and she ended up being our
server on this visit. I told her that I had
noticed her spending time chatting with an older gentleman the last time we
were in. Her face lit up and she said
yeah, that was Glenn, he is 97, a veteran, and drives here every day for breakfast. She went on to tell us more about him and it
was just beautiful.
I told her how much I appreciated her spending those minutes
with him and that I enjoyed watching her spool positive into the universe, and
that it was clear that she meant a great deal to Glenn. She touched her heart, holding back a tear
and said “you have just filled my heart up, thank you”. That
interaction touched my soul and led me to reflecting on the power and importance
of micro relationships.
Go spool some positive into the universe Y’all – it will come
back multiplied!!
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