Road Rage, why are we so impatient to get to work, it is work for Pete’s sake?

Road rage is something I just do not understand, not sure why but I guess I am never in that big of a hurry, to get to work. Living the in a large city for the last 20 years has taught me that no matter how big of a hurry you might be in, the city will conspire against you. I can't remember being in a hurry, for anything in my life, let alone driving someplace, bottom line is only one of two things, I am on time or I am not. I do not see why either of those options should cause me to get so angry that my head glows red. That can’t be healthy, bad for blood pressure, bad for attitude, bad for maintaining balance in your life, bad for those innocent people who may be in the car with you. One truth I have learned is that I do not make rational decisions when I am upset, most people don’t so why would you put yourself in that situation when you have a 2000 pound weapon wrapped around yourself?

I have found a balance in my life that has allowed me to regulate the high’s and low’s and maintain a peaceful contentment. I rarely get pissed at people or inanimate objects, such the traffic cone I saw I guy hit the other day in a construction zone right before he went apoplectic. That cone is an inanimate object that was just sitting there, long before zippy pulled up and got it stuck under his car. This guy was furious, at the cone, at his car and at me as I eased by smiling at what a beautiful day it was. If a traffic cone has the ability to ruin this guys day what must the rest of his life be like. We all know people like this, there whole life is out of control and they treat people like zippy there in the construction zone was treating that cone, I did see in my rear view the cone flying over to the side of the road. That was helpful to all the other motorists coming behind him, although I am positive that other motorists where not on his mind. I have found one constant truth about road rage, the more expensive the car, the more intense the reaction to things that impede that persons progress.

As early as 1987, radiologists in the United States were working to certify road rage as a mental embalancement, what! I found that it is an official mental disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. According to an article published by the Associated Press in June 1998, the behaviors typically associated with road rage are the result of intermittent explosive disorder. The cause of intermittent explosive disorder has not been described to date. There are many different views on whether "road rage" is a mental issue or not. However, whether it is or isn't, there are many alternative solutions for overcoming this handicap. Many alternative solutions to overcoming this handicap, WTFO!! I should be amazed, but am not, that our society can take something as simple as someone being a prick while driving and turn it into a handicap. The fact we use the word handicap to talk about road rage is offensive to me, it is not a handicap! A marine losing his leg in Iraq or someone being born without sight is handicapped, not some knuckle head who cannot control his anger, like a spoiled two year old.

I think this problem is more systemic than just when the knuckleheads are in their cars, stupid angry people are everywhere. We have all seen the pissed off person behind the guy who has 38 items in the express lane. Why is it that people think they need to be such a hurry, they seem to want more and have less patience for obstacles that may slow their progress, even if for a moment. I for one am a people watcher and I enjoy watching people when they are in a stressful (for them) situations. You can get a read of exactly what kind of person someone is when watching how they react to stress. So what is it that makes in such a hurry and so impatient? I am not sure, impatience is a weird thing, the definition, according to Merriam Webster is. 1 a: not patient : restless or short of temper especially under irritation, delay, or opposition b: intolerant 1 2: prompted or marked by impatience 3: eagerly desirous : anxious . I am thinking that we all just need to relax a bit and let it go, whatever it is – let it go.

What is the angriest you have gotten on the road?

I love old jalopies for a lot of reasons, anything newer than about 1970 is to computerized up for me.

I have had many old cars over my life, in the beginning because that was what I could afford. I have owned two brand new cars in between old jalopies, one was a 1989 F150 XLT Lariat ½ ton in blue and white. I drive that one for 165 thousand miles over the 10 years I owned it. After it I had a 70 GMC pickup truck while I was waiting for my 1999 F-150 Lariat with the 5.4 liter engine and step side to come in, I ordered it with every available option. While the leather captains chairs and wonderful ride were nice I longed for another jalopy. Just when I started thinking about it one of my best friends calls me and tells me he just bought a 1969 GMC ½ ton custom on ebay, this was in 2000. He was going to fly to Memphis to get it and drive it back. I convinced him we should find a trailer and go get it ourselves, which we did. It was not long before we took the engine out and he had it rebuilt, a strong 350 with 4 bolt mains. By this time the bug was set and a for sale sign went into the window.

I bought a beater 1966 GMC pickup truck, it was rough, the body needed help, the engine had some burned valves and the brakes were shot, a great project truck I thought. It took me a month to get it in working order, pulled the head and had hardened valves seats and replaced the entire steering system as well as changing to front disk brakes and making them power assisted is where I started. After it was road worthy I quickly realized that here in Florida I needed AC, for less than 1000 bucks (more than I paid for the truck) I had air conditioning that would run you out from the cold. I drove that truck for about 8 years and put close to 80,000 miles on it. The old bomber got about 19 miles to gallon and was a very reliable albeit UGLY truck. So ugly in fact that one day I got home and my wife asked me for the keys and title, she donated it. I still miss that truck.

My next jalopy was a 1958 Ford Ranchero, or their station wagon with the back roof cut off which is what it actually is. This car was in pretty good shape but needed some work. I had this one on the road as a daily driver within a week or two. I drive it everyday it aint broke, which when you drive a 51 year old car everyday it is broken a lot. Recently someone told me my brake lights were not working, hollered it out his window to me actually. Upon future investigation I found that unlike every other car I have owned that have an electrical switch to turn the brake lights on this car has a pressure switch by the master cylinder that when the brakes are applied it clicks the switch. No worries though, NAPA had 8 in stock and at 6 bucks it was a bargain repair. It helps a lot to have the tools and know how to work on the older cars, I do not think the economics work if you have to pay someone to do the work for you but to date I have not had to do that so for me it is still very economical to keep and drive them.


That repair is indicative of most repairs to old jalopies, cheap and easy. My tune up includes a set of points and condenser and can be done for about 25 bucks and that includes new plugs and distributor cap. It takes me about 20 minutes to perform the task, dialing the points in is the most time consuming part of the job. Now compare that to my Brides mini van, the tune up on it costs me about 500 bucks, for a tune up – yikes. Now it only needs that tune up every 100,000 miles as compared to my jalopy which likes a little tune up love about every 10-12 months. On her van it is such a complicated process that I could not even do it myself, they had to pull the entire top of the engine off to get to the rear plugs. CRAZY I say! My car has one single barrel Holley carburetor and the rebuild kit is 38 bucks and takes about 30 minutes to rebuild. The van has 6 injectors that are expensive and of course need special, expensive, tools to replace them.

With the internet parts are so readily available it surprises even me. Any part I may need from the seal on the overdrive transmission (4 bucks) to the emergency brake cable (35 bucks) to the brake light switch I got at NAPA for 6 bucks. I have had this current jalopy for almost three years and have had to do a lot of work to it but you know what, the amount of money I have spent still does not even come close to what a car payment would be. My next project is to rebuild all of the steering and front suspension which will be replacing everything from control arm bushing to tie rod ends to ball joints. I am thinking when I got it torn apart I will convert it to front disk brakes as well. All of those parts are still only about 1300 bucks and I can do the work myself. If I can find the correct front end specs my local Goodyear will perform the front end alignment for 100 bucks. The older cars are so cheap to maintain, I do experience repairs that normal new cars never see, how often have you replace the control arm bushing in your car. Because the car is so old some of these repairs seem extreme to most but when put into comparison to car payments it is still more economical to reuse an old car than buying new ones all the time.

So one of the coolest reasons to drive an old jalopy is the instant friends and conversation you get. Once Bride and I were having dinner at the beach, seafood obviously, and when we came out three guys were holding their wives up while they were going over my car with a fine tooth comb. Questions like what year, what engine, and how much work is it are the norm. My Bride says she feels like a movie star when we go anywhere in my car, she even has a pair of extra dark sunglasses that she wears when in it. You also get to go to car shows, they are not all about absolutely perfect cars which mine is not. It has lots of flaws, mostly I see them but they are flaws non the less.

So what is your car payment and what do you pay annually for maintenance?

So today I finish as Ms. Oatmeal experiencing “as seen on television” products

So I finished all my personal grooming after a quick ouch up with my “Flowbee” the revolutionary home haircutting system that cuts my hair evenly with recessed blades and trims it precisely. The results are a refreshing vacuum haircut. I am now ready to start getting dressed. I first retrieve my bra from the “Bra Baby”, that incredible little gadget that saves money and makes bras last much longer, it saves time, no more hand washing and it keeps bras clean and looking like new, wash after wash. It has eliminated ripped lace, twisted underwire, tangled straps, or crushed padding on all of my bras. Once I have spent $20, $40, or even $60 for a single bra, I did not want to toss it in the washing machine where it will get ruined. The answer to all my bra woes, the Bra Baby! Once I get my Bra on I reach for the “Strap Perfect”, I have found that it gives my cleavage a firm and youthful lift. The custom fit flatters me in any outfit and gives a beautiful instant boost to my silhouette. I have found that my “Inflatable Husband”, who is a low maintenance partner for a stress free, easy life, really likes the Strap Perfect because it redistributes the weight from my chest and guides my shoulders back for more perfect posture. He says with a lift like that he thinks I look at least one cup size bigger! My Inflatable Husband is otherwise totally silent, this big hunk of love has eyes only for me. That's right, no wandering eyes, ogling other women, and general bad behavior and he floats, is always faithful, never breaks wind, doesn't watch football, and is always willing to please. I then apply “Dream Lips”, the vitamin-enriched conditioner that softens my lips and diminishes fine lines. Dream Lips works to help make my lips appear plump and fuller and I can even wear Dream Lips under my lipstick as it won't effect how the lipstick goes on or the color.

I then slip into my “Slimming shapers”, the slimming Shaper instantly make me look pounds thinner, with smooth, toned, sexy curves in all the right places. I have found that unlike other shapers, Slimming Shapers firm all my trouble areas, from under my bra to above my knees, for completely comfortable control. I no longer worry about those unsightly bumps and bulges because with Slimming Shaper I feel sexy, beautiful and confident even in the clinging knits. Before getting the rest of my clothes on, I quickly and easily apply some “Salon Bronze Sunless Airbrush Tanning Spray”. I find Salon Bronze is the perfect sunless tanning system that gives me a deep, natural tan that can't be washed away. I enjoy a gorgeous tan without harmful UV rays by simply using the even-mist applicator. After a quick straightening of my hair with the Maxiglide Hair Straightening Iron, Straightening hair has never been easier by the way, I reach up to my “Hollywood Purse Hook” that keeps my “Buxton Bag” off the floor. Immediately I am thankful that the convenient, strong, portable hanging system has a nonslip grip. I look longingly at my “Purse Brite Organizer”, the lighted purse organizer that comes with 10 expandable and retracting pockets for my keys, glasses, checkbook, cell phone, makeup, mints, mirror, coupons, business cards, credit cards, pens, sunglasses, pills, personal items, etc. When I combined it with the Buxton Bag I found I could expand on the already very impressive Buxton over shoulder organizer, the all-in-one over shoulder sling bag that holds it all! It already featured an abundance of spacious pockets and compartments for organizing personal items, travel gear, make-up, CDs, cell phone, mp3 player, and GPS navigation devices.

So out to the kitchen I go to make breakfast for the kids and I immediately break out the “Bacon Genie”, that stylish, dishwasher safe, cooking tool designed to hang bacon vertically while cooking, 12 delicious crispy bacon strips at a time. I also pull out my “Bagel Biter”, the best guillotine bagel slicer cutter on the market today. I am impressed with the safety first approach, I never worry about cutting myself, it is also top shelf dishwasher safe and has a non stick coated blade for easy slicing & easy cleaning. After I get the bagel all set I reach for my “Egg Genie”, the egg cooker that gives us perfect eggs everytime, it is easy to use and clean up and has a built-in steel piercing pin and is also great for steaming vegetables or cooking up to seven eggs at once. The auto off & built-in cooking timer is a big safty feature and the clear top allows me to view eggs while they are cooking. Once my eggs are done cooking they go directly into the “5-in-1 egg slicer” this thing is NOT an average Egg Slicer, it can handle slippery hard-boiled eggs, cutting the eggs into attractive slices. I also grab an apple and a banana from my “Banana Tree Fruit Bowl”, it combines style and function in my kitchen, it is an elegant chrome fruit basket that elevates items to prevent bruising. From there my goodies go into the “Bonzai Food Chopper” to be chopped, diced & minced. Even though I hate chopping vegetables food preparation with the Bonzai Food Chopper takes only seconds, rather than minutes. I coat the kids whole breakfast with honey from the “No Drip Syrup & Honey Dispener” the attractive all glass beehive design has an 8 oz capacity that dispenses the exact amount needed. When I was done with breakfast I looked at the “Smart Spin Kitchen Cabinet Organizer” for a container to store the leftovers, this thing was designed to handle all my kitchen organization needs in the space I reserve for my coffee maker, about 1 square foot. With the Smart Spin I never worry about fumbling with lids again with the same size locking lids.

It was then on to finish the house cleaning, I grab my battery powered “Go Duster”; it was designed for comfort with an ergonomic and balanced handle that has an almost effortless feel. The rinse and air dry brush heads clean easily and quickly, picking up dust in a fraction of the time. After getting most of the dust up I still had the dreaded blinds to clean, I temporarily forgot about the machine washable “Fuzzy Wuzzy Blind Cleaner”. The innovative Fuzzy Wuzzy microfiber blind cleaner by Evriholder Products is the easiest way to keep my mini blinds clean and dust-free. The Fuzzy Wuzzy blind cleaner is designed to reach in and through the slats of blinds of all kinds whether metal, aluminum, wood or vinyl. I move into the front room with my “Rejuvenate Restorer” kit because I found it is never too late to rejuvenate. My floors looked tired and worn out so I love Rejuvenate Restorer, in just one quick, easy application, I made my floors look new again. Rejuvenate fills in scuffs and scratches and seals surfaces to protect against wear and tear. Once complete with the floors I really needed to relax a bit, a glass of wine I thought, the “Penguin Wine Opener” adjusts to fit larger bottle sizes, that I like. It is smooth, lightweight and easy to use and comes with a 10 (TEN) year warranty and is the world's easiest wine opener. I simply raise the handle, place on top of a wine bottle, lower the handle to insert the magnesium corkscrew, lift the handle to remove the cork without twisting. My feet were really bothering since I was on my feet all day long, the constant pounding make my feet, ankle, knees, hips and back just ache. I realized I forgot to install my “Impact Gel” insoles and inserts that soften the blow and relieve the pressure on heels and balls of my feet by absorbing the shock and redistributing my weight from under sensitive pressure points. They are perfect for tennis shoes, dress shoes, work boots, hiking boots, cowboy boots and almost any footwear.

I was syc’d about trying the Bamboo Steamer Basket, the10 inch diameter with slatted bamboo bottoms that includes two baskets and one lid. It is great for vegetables, poultry and seafood and with the domed lid it traps in moisture and retains flavor and with the larger size is perfect for families or entertaining. I also loaded up the culinary award winning “Flavorwave Oven”, the infrared oven that cooks food evenly from the inside out. It cooks frozen steak, chicken, and any other meat faster than a microwave - without having to thaw out. I was amazed at how quickly I could cook a great tasting meal. I threw some corn in the “Microwavable Quick Cobs Corn Steamer” this microwavable corn steamer quickly steams 2 full size ears or 4 mini ears. No more waiting for water to boil. It will steam corn quickly in the microwave and this gadget that has a limited 5 year manufacturer's warranty and patented material that transfers heat to food. We were wanting some pasta for dinner so I pulled out my “Fasta Pasta Microwave Cooker”. It is, of course, microwave and dishwasher safe, cooks all types of pasta, and has a strainer and measure built in the lid, all I had to do was add water and cook in microwave. I found it saved me time and energy and I was glad it was proudly made in USA. For dessert I plugged in the “Hershey's Kisses Dessert Fondue Pot” that is cool, collectible & a great conversation piece. It never fails to bring family and friends together to enjoy a fun treat, it is ideal for chocolate & other dessert fondue recipes.

But wait there is more, just not today. I am telling you I laughed harder working on these 5 days of blog posts than I have in a long time. The funniest part is I did not make ANY of this up, it all comes from the ads we all see on television. The second funniest part is there are still hundreds of products I have not talked about so there will be more of these, probably in a one day version.

How many of these products have you heard advertised? How many have you bought? How many have you thrown away?

So today I thought I would try being Ms. Oatmeal in order to experience “as seen on television” products from the female perspective.

So I awake with the “7 Day Neverlate Alarm Clock” this alarm clock is the first and only alarm clock of its kind. With today's active lifestyles the neverlate solves a problem that students, professionals, working parents, athletes and others all have in common. The demands of today's active lifestyles often require a varying wake schedule. It offers an unparalleled ease of use with the patent-pending rotary dial user interface that makes setting the Neverlate a snap. After laying there for a moment to gather my bearings I adjust my “Mattress Genie” it is so easy that the 1-2-3 setup took less than 2 minutes. It has helped ease my symptoms of acid reflux, heartburn, hiatal hernia, indigestion, nasal congestion, sinus, allergies, flu, pregnancy discomfort and snoring. It is also great for reading and studying, watching TV, eating in bed and for those moms who are nursing. It will hold up to 1000 pounds for the heavy clientele and comes with a convenient hand held control. As I get out of bed I slip on my “Diabetic Slippers” the soft and cushiony comfort slippers that help relieve sore, tender, or swollen feet. They have an extra-wide design that won't bind or constrict so they're perfect for anyone with poor circulation or foot problems. They offer a soft quilted cotton outside with an absorbent terry lining and there is an adjustable secure fabric closure and they have the ever important non-slip soles. When I start moving a series of “Lamp Sensors” instantly turned on lamps throughout my home. They have allowed me to protect my home and family with the easy to use electric eye sensor that simply screws into any light socket. They keep me from fumbling around in the dark.


As I get to the kitchen I frantically look for my “Bacon Wave Microwave Bacon Cooker” you know the one, it will provide bacon that will be cooked to perfection in my microwave. It gives us frying pan taste without the frying pan, or the grease, making the bacon healthier. There is less fat, less grease, less cholesterol and fewer calories. One of the beauties of this thing is that it can cook up to 14 pieces at once, and they are stackable to allow 2 for 28 pieces, they guaranteed that I would love the results, and you know what I DO! Once I have the bacon going I grab the “One Touch Jar Opener” to get the jelly open. It opens stubborn jars with the touch of a button. No more twisting, no more pulling, no more pain, I just attach it to any jar and press the button. It's features effortless, one touch action , it is powerful enough for new, factory sealed jars and no bottle or jar is too tall and it never jams. I throw a couple of eggs in the “GT Xpress 101” and cook a delicious meal fast and without the added fat! With the GT Xpress 101 all I had to do was place food in the preheated cooking wells and close the lid. The dual cooking wells and controlled temperature cook from both top and bottom at once so there’s no turning or burning. GT Xpress’s thermostat controls the temperature so I get perfect results every time - even if I leave it in too long! The hinged lid prevents spillovers and clean up’s a cinch too, just wipe with a damp ShamWow. It has allowed me to enjoy healthy, flavor-packed, satisfying food in no time!

After breakfast I have to get started on the day, I switch out the Diabetic Slippers for the “Slipper Genie Microfiber Cleaning Slippers”. I do this to prove there is an ingenious new way to keep my floors clean without any extra work on my part. I just slip on Slipper Genie and they do the cleaning on hardwood, linoleum and tile flooring as I walk. Much easier to maneuver than a floor duster or broom, my feet do all the work while I just stroll around the house. If I had kids, I would definitely get them a pair! I know they would love walking around in these fun slippers and I would love how clean my floor would be. There are some dirtier areas of the floor so I break out the “Sop N Mop” which is an ultra absorbent miracle shammy cloth that is a must for camping, swimming, auto washing any sporting event and more, it raises any liquid from any surface. It miraculously holds up to 21 times its own weight in any liquid. It has allowed me to save hundreds of dollars a year that I was spending on paper towels. I got it with a total of 12 CLOTHS not 10, not 8 like the competition offers, and it is made in Germany, you know the Germans make good stuff. Once done with the Sop N Mop I start up with the “Swivel Sweeper Touchless” It is the new and improved Cordless Swivel Sweeper Touchless and it is the lightweight, easy-to-maneuver cordless sweeper that picks up messes faster and easier than ordinary cordless sweepers and brooms. Now with 'Touchless' dirt tray and the quite amazing rotating edge cleaning brushes that gets the mess along walls and in corners.

After cleaning house I am off to get ready to go out. Before jumping in the shower I spray on a couple of squirts of “Doctor Frank’s Joint and Muscle Pain Relief Spray” under my tongue and this pain reliever works for even severe joint and muscle pain and stiffness. It helps with all types of Arthritis, most over use syndrome issues such as Carpal Tunnel as well as Fibromylagia. It works on all types of injuries, stiffness from sports as well as recovering from surgery. It is a gentle, non-prescription homeopathic remedy to relieve chronic joint and muscle pain and stiffness. After my shower I put my hair in a “Turbie Twist Hair Towel”, this lightweight towel replacement is so much better than a towel. I then remembered I was always frustrated spending hour after hour trimming damaged hair ends in order to keep my hair long and beautiful. I had almost forgotten about purchasing the new & improved patented “Split-Ender Maxi Kit”. The secret of the Split-Ender Maxi Kit is the exclusive Snip the tip surgy trim system, which trims the tips of fried, damaged, broken, and brittle hair. This patented system only snips the ends and broken hair fragments along the hair shaft on any length of hair. After taking care of the split ends I set up my “Hands Free Adjustable Hair Dryer Stand” so I could save time styling, straightening, drying, and volumizing my hair. The Hair Dryer Stand frees both hands so I was done styling in record time. I achieve that salon look every time and eliminate the fatigue of holding that heavy hair dryer!

Once my hair was complete I sat down in my “Anywhere Chair” that was designed for fast, easy seating for kids and adults. The Anywhere Chair is an Oval Multi Angle Cushion that is a super-comfortable four-position recliner that provides fast and easy seating wherever, whenever. Once comfortably seated I started using my “Deluxe PedEgg”, it is a revolutionary foot file that you've probably seen nationally advertised on TV. The key secret to the PedEgg is its precision micro-files that gently remove calluses and dead skin to give my feet the incredible baby soft look and feel that everybody loves. Once my feet were in good shape I moved to my legs and go to town with my “Smooth Away” to remove unwanted hair. I also use the 19 rolling balls of the “Roll a Lotion” to apply lotion evenly to all the hard to reach areas, thanks to the extra long handle. I then continue to move up and install the “Original Looks” silicone breast enhancers, I have found they are Better than permanent breast enhancement procedures. These little wonders are one size fits all, hypo-allergenic and they increase my breasts up to 1 1/2 to 2 full bra cup sizes. I put my necklace on with the “Clever Clasp” because I was fed up fumbling with those tiny little clasps on my jewelry. I have long nails, long hair and limited dexterity and this magnetic jewelry clasp allows me to attach to any necklace or bracelet.

I quickly inserted my “EZ Comb Hair Clips” on the back of my head, the ones that are soft & comfortable and hold firmly in place and offers a comfortable secure Fit. I have found that it works on any hair type and stretches to easily create popular hair styles instantly. On the top of my head I use the “Bumpits” as I saw them on TV and since they are made of easy-care plastic they are great for dramatic up-dos and their comfortable design stays put. They have a rigid design that creates volume that won't fall, they are lightweight & comfortable and I often forget it's there. I love to Bump up the volume in my hair using Big Happie Hair Bumpits. Bumpits volumizing plastic hair inserts take my hair from flat to fabulous in seconds without the use of heavy creams or gels. I also use my “LumaTweez” they are a pair of tweezers with a built-in light and flip-up magnifying glass. The light runs on three button-cell batteries, sold separately of course. The tweezers are high-quality stainless steel with tips that are angled, not flat, so they grip hairs firmly. Of course they come with a 60-day money-back guarantee in case I did not like them.

But wait folks there is more, I am sorry though you will have to wait until tomorrow to hear about the rest of Ms. Oatmeal’s day in the life of “As seen on television” products.

I thought I would try to live a week using “as seen on television” products to get through the day, here is part 3 of day 1

As I closed the garage door I caught a glimpse of my “Topsy Turvy’s” lined up along the fence, The Topsy Turvy tomato planter works in a simple yet ingenious way. As the sun warms the plant like a greenhouse, the root system explodes and thrives inside the planter. Because Topsy Turvy tomato planter is upside down, water and nutrients pour directly from the root to the fruit, giving me up to 30 pounds of deliciously ripe tomatoes per plant! All the Topsy Turvy’s were illuminated by the “Solar Rocks” you know the ones, they are equipped with four brilliant super bright natural white LEDs in a uniquely designed honeycomb reflector. This solar powered rock bursts out an intense spotlight beam onto any targeted garden plant or bush, or in my case my Topsy Turvy’s”. I had strategically placed my solar powered rocks around the base of the “Expandable Garden Edging”. This stuff was great, This lovely wooden textured Extendable Garden Edging went up in seconds, expanding up to 3 feet allowing for a custom fit. It worked effectively at keeping pets and critters out all while I was highlighting my garden. I was able to install it in seconds with no hardware or tools necessary. I found it to be a fast, fun and inexpensive way to create a garden showcase that my neighbors were envious of.

My attention was distracted by the phone ringing, I ran in and grabbed the “Big Button Phone” it is a EZ-touch big button corded phone with 10 number memory, ringer control, receiver volume control, 3 one-touch photo memory speed dial buttons, Braille raised characters, flashing visual ring that is hearing aid compatible and wall mountable. The buttons are such that the one touch photo-memory can store the number and hold an actual photograph of the person, calling loved ones had never been easier. After completing a lengthy survey I was glad that I had switched to the “Magic Jack” for my phone service. I have never seen a simpler to use product. I simply plugged it into my computer and then plugged in my phone, and start calling. The call quality is perfect ... this device is so simple that someone’s grandmother could install one on her PC and begin right away. After the call was over I was able to relax a bit, I started playing with the dog. It did not take long for me to go running for the “PediPaws”, this outstanding product features built-in nail guide that protects against cracking, splintering, breaking or cutting too close and the smoothly trimmed nails guard against pet scratches on my furniture, upholstery and skin. I have in the past, before getting the Pedipaws, had to use “Liquid Leather” to repair furniture that was damaged by sharp animal claws, those days are gone now though.

I quickly changed clothes and got ready for my evening exercise regime. I started with 15 minutes of “Core Rhythms” this plan offers a revolutionary weight loss exercise program that uses sexy Latin dance moves to raise my heart rate and tone and tighten my entire core at the same time. The fun, Core Rhythms moves all start with the core, affecting my upper abs, middle abs, lower abs, obliques and my back to give me a 360° total core workout, all while being swept away by the fun of dance. After that I spent some times performing “Crunchless Abs”, they tell me that our abdominal core is an amazing anatomical composition of 12 muscles that wrap around us like a girdle and when properly trained, holds our midsection in flat and tight. I was stunned to hear that recent research showed that standard floor crunches train only 2 of these critically important core muscles, I was disappointed. After that I moved right into “Perfect Pushups” and I will tell you the US Navy Seal who designed this exercise tool was right, they engage more muscles, maximize strength all while reducing joint strain. It was easy for me to see why they had a patent pending. After that I spent just a couple of minutes on the “Iron Gym Pull Up Bar”. I was getting tired but had to complete my workout, I still had the “Pilates Ball with Resistance Bands” and the “Kettlenetics”, as seen on TV that featured a 360 degrees workouts for full circle body toning, whole body resistance training for strong and toned muscles and dynamic flow motion movements for high-speed cardio fat burning.

With my workout over I showered and prepared to make dinner. I was very hungry but luckily I had recently found out that I am fat not because I can’t stop shoveling crap into my face but because of stress and other factors that are outside my control. Knowing that I immediately contacted the the folks at “Zylotrim” and they told me that their weight loss pills are clinically proven to increase my fat burning enzymes to help me lose weight and body fat. They tell me they are clinically proven to increase my fat burning enzymes and I received a risk-free trial bottle of the safe weight loss supplements. With no worries about health or how fat I am I broke out a few gadgets to make dinner. First I pulled out 30 pounds of tomato’s provided by my Topsy Turvy’s and sliced them up with an original “Ginsu” knife, I first felt it necessary to cut open the soup cans with the very same Ginsu knife, just because I could. I pulled out the “Pasta Express” machine and got the pasta started. I also fired up the “Grill Daddy Pro” and got the “Big City Slider Station” ready to crush little balls of ground meat into restaurant style mini burgers in just minutes. I have found it perfect for dinner, parties, big games and more! It requires no flipping and the lid helps cook both sides at the same time. All the other vegetables were cut up using a “Slap Chop” and the “Vidalia Chop Wizard”. I used the “Amazing Oven Gloves” because they dramatically extend the time I can handle a hot object in my hands. These things can even be exposed to an open flame and the outer layer of the glove will not catch fire and will not melt. I have found them great for the kitchen, BBQ’s & handling dry hot items such as burning light bulbs & more, anything up to 480-degrees F.

After dinner we settled in for an evening of entertainment at home. We each donned a “Snuggie” and I headed for the kitchen and broke out the “Whirley-Pop” popcorn popper. Face it, sometimes the best thing about going out to a movie is the popcorn, those big plump kernels that always seem so much better than what I could pop at home. But the Whirley-Pop popper changes all that. It really does make awesome, fresh-popped corn in the sturdy aluminum pan that has a clip-on lid with a stay-cool wooden handle. Even though I was warm and toasty inside my Snuggie, I could feel a draft from the back door. I immedialty grabbed a “Twin Draft Guard” and a disaster was averted. After injoying the popcorn we decided to have a shake so out came the “Magic Bullet Deluxe Blender” and the ice cream. Everyone knows the high-torque power base is the heart of the Magic Bullet. By simply plugging in the Magic Bullet and placing one of the Bullet Cups or Party Mugs onto the high-torque power base and press and I was immediately rewarded with a substance that has been thoroughly blended. There are no buttons to press, no complicated manuals to read. Nothing could be easier. After a movie and popcorn and then a shake we were ready for bed, but we both like to read before bed and we use the most incredible gadget to do that, you guessed it the “Super Slim, Totally portable Book Light” that came, free of charge, with our Snuggie purchases.

So that was hilarious for me to do so I decided that there were just too many products I did not discuss so I will be doing another as Ms. Oatmeal as there are a ton of these types of products geared towards the female market.

I thought I would try to live a week using “as seen on television” products to get through the day, here is part 2 of day 1

So I am ready to go for the day, I stop in the kitchen on my way to prepare my lunch. I pop a couple of items in a disposable bowl and use the “Chef Tony’s Smart Lidz”. They are made from space age polymers and they seal air tight, they are freezer, dishwasher and microwave safe and have a universal fit, They can seal anything, in any size container and keep produce fresh longer and allow me to save leftovers longer because the seal locks liquid tight & holds for weeks. The package came with 4 medium lids, 2 large lids and the Extra bonus jumbo lid, all I had to do was pay S&H on that one. After quickly using my “Jack Lalanne Power Juicer” to squeeze up to 30% more than other juicers to create an all natural glass of juice I was ready to put my shoes on. I could not get that done without the assistance of the “Long Handle Shoe Horn”, this gadget has ensured I suffer through no more uncomfortable bending or stooping over to put on my shoes. The model I chose what the 24" long blue max with the horse head handle.

Once in the garage I noticed that the car was looking rather dull and made a note to myself that I needed to bring some space-age technology to my driveway and save water at the same time with “ProShine's Waterless Wash and Wax”. I found with it I was actually warned, not to wash the car! A light Rinsing might be necessary to remove larger dirt particles but that was it. All I had to do was spray or pour ProShine Waterless Wash and Wax on the vehicle. I could spray it right over any dirt, grime or bug marks and then just evenly spread it around with a clean cloth. All that was left was to wipe it off with another dry, soft cotton cloth. As unbelievable as it sounds it's that simple. As I was sliding in the car I also noticed that the “Ding King” may have some work to complete tonight on the car door, him and the “Hide a Scratch” wax had their work cut out. As I slipped my “HD Vision WrapArounds” on I realized I that this HD Vision technology gave me clarity that I had never experienced, they were able to enhance my vision to a quality just like High Definition TV. They were lightweight & durable and offered a modern European style as well.

Once completing a day at work I was on my way home, when I got in the car and removed the “Auto Cool Solar Fan” from the window. It had, even on the hottest days, kept my car cooler and the air fresher thanks to this solar-powered vent fan. It draws in fresh air as hot, stale air vents out, this thing even helps to eliminate pet and tobacco odors. I also received the Free Bonus handy organizer that fits in my car's cup holder. I pulled out my “Night Vision WrapArounds”, I received them and the patented visor Clip for my car when I bought the “HD Vision WrapArounds” they were a $10 value and all I had to do was pay S&H. I also popped in my “Bell and Howel Sonic Earz” sound amplifier. This thing allowed me to Watch TV without having to turn the sound up high and was disturbing others in my home. I could easily hear movies, concerts and lectures as if I was sitting right there in the very front, even if I was actually in the back. I also noticed that I was going to have to pull out the “Glass Wizard” when I got home to clean the windows, Glass wizard's large micro fiber cleaning head takes away those hard to clean spots in just seconds and its unique shape conforms to curved surfaces to ensure a thorough cleaning job every time. The kit covered all contingencies and provided 1 Glass Wizard Cleaning Tool, 2 Glass Wizard Microfiber Cleaning Bonnets. 1 Glass Wizard Mesh Grime Buster Bonnet and 1 FREE Glass Wizard Water Spray Bottle

Once home I was glad I had installed the “Solar Powered Mailbox Light”, it allowed me Illuminate my mailbox for added security & it allowed for better home id for guests, deliveries or emergency personnel. Moments later my wife was alerted to my presence at home by our “Wireless Driveway Monitor Motion Detector Security Alert Alarm”. I had installed the system to eliminate startling knocks at the door, unexpected horn beeps and I wanted a heads up in case of a delivery. As I pulled into the garage I pulled up to the “Flashing-Garage-Parking-Signal”, I have found it to be the perfect parking aid that was easy assembly with no tools required. It stopped run-ins with garage walls by automatically signaling me where to stop by flashing the twin LED bulbs when I bumped it, it ensures a perfect parking job every time.

I could see clearly around my garage, the lights were automatically turned on by the garage door opener. I laid eyes on my garden tools, the “Mantis Tiller/Cultivator” the incredible lightweight tiller that has made gardening easier for more than a million people. The original design to helped landscapers get their jobs done quicker. I also saw one of the original TV gadgets, the “Pocket fisherman”, a fine example of an item destined to be in the history books. There was an “Awesome Auger”, with all the accessories that I just had to pay S&H to get, there were bottles of “Patch Perfect” for quickly growing grass in those hard to grow areas of my lawn. And there on the same shelf in the corner were my “Mighty Putty” and “Leak Ender 2000” both outstanding products that offer amazing advantages. There was also the “Point and Paint System” the system that allowed me to paint an entire room in less than one hour and get perfect results every time without prepping, runs or brush strokes and it eliminated the up and down on the ladders. I also looked longingly at the “Forearm Forklift” straps and the “Erase a Hole” repair kit. At last look along the left wall were stored all my “Space Bags” holding all manner of items, I have the jumbo cubes, high capacity tote bags, large bags, medium bags and even the hanging bag and some of the zip and go bags. I was storing winter sweaters, large coats, extra pillows, arts and crafts, sporting goods, camping equipment and many other critical items I wanted protected from bugs, dust, mildew and odors in an airtight & watertight environment

Folks I am not done yet, there is even more , instead of 2 servings of this story line you will get three. This added feature will be provided absolutely free to you, not even any S&H.

I thought I would try to live a week using “as seen on television” products to get through the day, here is part 1 of day 1

Day 1, I awake at 6am to the sounds of the “Singing Bird Clock” and immediately remove the “RIPSNORE™” from my mouth. The Rip snore is a simple, one-piece device that molds to the shape of my mouth that stops snoring or drastically reduces snoring in 98% of the folks who use it. The RIPSNORE™ does this by holding the lower jaw slightly forward, moving the base of the tongue away from the back of the airway and soft palate - allowing the throat to be opened and the snore to be silenced. RIPSNORE™ is a class 1 medical device that is certified by the Australian Therapeutic Goods Association (TGA) ARTG ID 156350 and it is made with an FDA approved material. I also have to remove the “Kinoki Cleansing Detox Foot Pads”, these particular pads are 100% natural & 100% safe. They are truly miracles of modern science, they help the body achieve its optimum state of health. They do this by improving blood circulation, removing heavy metals, increasing metabolism, activating blood cells, enhancing the quality of sleep and expelling toxins, Relieving the pain and discomfort of arthritis, Improves the immune system, reduces stress and anxiety, AND they enhance mental focus and concentration, for just 39.95, I found them to be truly amazing.

I stumble out of bed after turning on my “Quick Bright Light System” using the “Original clapper”, clap on, clap off. Once I hit the hallway I turn the kitchen lamps using my “Handy Switch”. The Handy Switch is the RF controlled light switch that Ican stick anywhere, and it looks like a normal light switch, I have found them very handy and use them throughout my home for added convenience. I make a quick stop at the bathroom where my toilet is a well equipped modern marvel, I use the “Hands Free Toilet Flusher” as well as the “Kaboom Neverscrub”. The Kaboom NeverScrub toilet cleaner attaches easily out of sight within my toilet tank and provides powerful stain cleaning continuously for up to 3 months. I like to think of Kaboom as a maintenance product to help me minimize toilet gunk in my home. After a short stay in the bathroom I head back to the kitchen, only after washing my hands with soap dispensed by the “Automatic Soap Dispenser”.

Once in the kitchen I fire up my “Perfect Pod Coffee Maker” and start looking in the “Debbie Myers Green bags” for what fruit I might have for breakfast. These green bags are phenomenal and allow me to control the humidity inside as well as discourage things like mold, bacteria, fungus and decay from forming. I decide on an apple for breakfast and used the “Samurai Speed Peeler” to remove the peel. After the apple I decided I wanted some eggs so I broke out my dishwasher safe “Progressive International Microwave Egg Poacher” and cooked up the perfect meal on the go. I store that gadget in the freezer because it is, of course, microwave and freezer safe. It allows me to Poach up to 2 eggs in just minutes and it is made of thick, sturdy plastic and requires no butter or oil, so it's healthier than traditional poachers.

After a great breakfast I head back to the bathroom to get ready for work. I flip on the “Shower Clock Radio with Television” and lather up. When I am done cleaning myself I place the soap in the “Niagara Soap Saver Dish”, this clever dish drains excess water right into tub, so soap stays firm and lasts longer. It is designed in thick, durable plastic and features posts to hold soap securely and a spout to direct water back into the sink or shower. I then spark off the “Microforce Shaver, it has features such as a charger indicator light and dual high speed stay sharp stainless steel blades that provides me a close clean shave in half the time. Once I step out of the shower I step right onto a ShamWow, that I have easily cut in half and immediately grab my towel from the “Billy Mayes Hercules Hooks” lined up along the back of the door and dry off. I start to notice, while using my “Microtouch Magic Men’s Lighted Hair Trimmer” that I am going to need the “Fog Free 5x Shower Mirror” to see all the microscopic hairs that will ultimately form a unibrow, thank God I have these products! After a quick touch up and use of the “Save A Blade” razor cleaner and dryer I get the perfect amount of toothpaste dispensed by the “Touch and Brush” toothpaste dispenser and quickly use the “Sonic 4X battery powered toothbrush” to clean my teeth. The “Touch and Brush” says “No More” to sticky bathroom sinks, crusty toothpaste tubes, fighting for the last drop of paste and of course the kids leaving behind a morning toothpaste mess.

Once done in the bathroom I pull my clothes from the “Adjustable Foam Hangers, these things are a miraculous invention. These Hangers are the best invention since the wheel! These soft, bendable, foam hangers are gentle on clothes. They can bend upward to hold garments with straps, so garments can't slip off. They can curve downward to hold the shape of sweaters and knits, without hanger marks. They are great for drying fine washables, they also offer better air circulation so clothes dry faster. I have these hangers attached to the “Wonder Hanger Cascading Space Saver” that can save me much needed closet space with its unique and efficient design that allows me to maximize space and storage. With Wonder Hanger Cascading Space Saver I never have to worry about wrinkled clothes and disorganized closets. The eight pack, which I have purchased two of them and received two for nothing more than S & H charges, triples my closet storage space by allowing me to hang up to five articles of clothing wrinkle-free on a single hanger.

I also put on my necklace, it allows me to always have the Lord's Prayer close to my heart, it is, of course, the exquisite “Prayer Cross Pendant”. It is superbly crafted in layers of gleaming sterling silver accented with genuine sparkling crystals, this enduring symbol of faith features a secret stone center that when held to the light reveals, instantly and almost miraculously, the entire Lord's Prayer. I also repair my glasses with “Lens Doctor Eyeglass Scratch Remover” that is a polymer-based formulation which assists in repairing surface scratches and cloudiness on eyeglasses. Of course Lens Doctor utilizes a proprietary two-step process thoroughly cleans the lens and prepares it to receive the lens treatment solution. I take one more look at myself with the “Handy Hook Mirror”, It allows me to fix my hair, shave and even tweeze my eyebrows if I needed to do that. The Handy Hook Mirror comes with a revolutionary coil that lets me... HOOK IT, over a shower door, bathroom door, light fixture, car interior & more! I can even hang it from my neck for an up close view that moves along with me. It's such a great innovation, it's earned the Good Housekeeping Seal!

But wait folks there’s more, I am sorry though you will have to wait until tomorrow to hear about the rest of my day in the life of “As seen on television” products.