I do not even know his first name

I was listening to a commercial on the radio today talking about heroes and it got me to pondering and scanning through my own life looking for my heroes. I scanned back to 1977 and found a man I used to deliver the newspaper to, his name, as I knew it, was Coonie Urschel. He was a mean SOB, never a nice word from this guy and by no means a tip at Christmas time or a thank you when the snow was deep. I really did not like this customer, I was forbidden to walk on his grass, “up the drive, turn right on the sidewalk and deliver the paper in that yellow box under the mail box and then reverse the course”. Those were his exact words, I heard them over and over again, mainly because I seemed unable to comply. That open defiance of authority evidently started early for me. I walked on his yard in defiance, I placed his paper in the mailbox in defiance and when he made me really mad I threw his paper inside the screen door in a way that all the sections came apart. Yes, I was a hellion but he was a mean and nasty old man. As I look back, I would guess him to have been about 50-55 at the time but to a 12 year old, he was just an old man, who was mean.

So why would he be a hero to me you might be asking. Well the event that changed my life happened one day and I bet he never knew he had an impact at all. He would never have guessed that 34 years later I would be writing about him and the positive impact he had on my life. He probably did not even know then that he had a huge impact on my life. Now I have to credit my ability to do anything to my Mom, she told me that as long as I worked hard and gave 100% I could do anything in life. Well without that mean assed Coonie Urschel I may not have developed the unshakable confidence I have in myself and my absolute surety in who I am as a person. Wow, all that from some mean old man I delivered the paper to, yep! At that time, my Mom had recently remarried and we moved away from where we grew up and I was having some adjustment issues. I was shy, not confident and always walked around with my head hanging, looking at my feet. I was a troubled yute, as said by Fred Gwynne playing the judge in My Cousin Vinny. So how in world did it happen? Well what he did might land him in jail today but back then things were different and I never told a soul about it.

So there I was one day, walking through the snow delivering the 115 papers I had to pass out every day and without even seeing him I bumped into him, literally. Well he grabbed my face, hard enough to leave marks and jerked it up. He held my face very close to his, within an inch or two and I could smell the liquor on his breath. He then proceeded to explain to me that I had nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed of and that I should not walk around staring at my feet. I was to walk around with my head held high, no matter what was going on or where I happened to find myself, it was an order. I was not to look at my shoes, other than to ensure they were tied. He was almost screaming this at me while he had a vice grip on my face, holding it right up to his. I was so scared I was frozen into immobility and was unable to even say anything to him. I do not remember everything he said but those words made an impact, he got through to a scared kid who was trying to figure out his new life with a Step-Dad now in the picture.

Well you can imagine the impact of that conversation, I remember once he let go of me running away crying. I had to deliver the rest of the papers though so I continued my route, trying not to be crying when people saw me or came out to get their paper. Over the next hour and half I started contemplating what he had said to me. He was right and many things changed in my life, it was the last time I walked around staring at my feet for sure. It was also when I realized that quiet contemplation is a key component of making it through the days of our life. That is when I started what I call meditating, what I do does not really fit into a category of meditation but that is what it is to me. Another thing I learned from him, just because what I am doing does not fit into an accepted mold does not mean that it is wrong or does not work. Even at that young age, I contemplated the words from that mean old man for hours, days and even months, he had made an impact!

I remember thinking to myself that he does not understand my situation, new head of the house, new city to live in, new rules, new school, new this and new that. I had a lot going on in my young life and who in the hell was he to talk to me like that. Well looking back he got it, he was right and I did not get it, at least not immediately. What I learned is that there is always crap in our lives, how we react to it is the important thing. We could let it beat us down or, like I learned, recognize that our lives are full of hardships, trials and tribulations and the thing we must know is that the effects of that can not be allowed to change who we are at our core. No matter the adversity, I have faced it with my head up, not looking at my shoes. Another advantage of keeping your head up is that you can see what is in front of you, literally and figuratively. Literally so you do not bump into things, such as a mean old man and figuratively you can see the what lies ahead of you, your boundless future. Sometimes I think he would be amazed at where I have come to in my life with his inspiration and sometimes I wonder if he was just pissed that I literally ran into him and he was bitching at me for it. It matters little to me now because whichever reason he decided to grab my face and tell me about it the impact was immediate and long lasting.

There have been a lot of folks who have had an impact on my life in one way or another but old Coonie Urschel made a BIG splash and he is one of my heroes for doing it!

The Damn oil spill and the Great Speechifier!!

Sorry I have 2 in a row on the same topic, but I had to get it out of me.

After seeing a post from a friend on Face Book I realized he had a GREAT point - Where are all the “save the gulf” benefit concerts? Where are the celebrities and musicians waxing poetic about this tragedy? Where are the heart felt speeches from the politico’s? I sit, with my friend, in stunning amazement and wonder why? Why would I be surprised by a selective response to this disaster from the famous and powerful. If it is not a pet cause or if it does not provide them with some quantifiable advantage or gain there is usually little said or done. Here is a perfect example of our apathy, and yes I say our apathy. Why us, because we have allowed that behavior to become the norm, acceptable behavior instead of standing up and calling bullshit. I have used that term before and I am POSITIVE that you have heard it before, he’s a bull shitter, that is bullshit and I am going to call bull shit on that, whether you admit it or not I know you have heard it. I have started to examine what, exactly, those terms means and have been quite surprised by my results.

According to Wiki Bullshit is (also bullcrap, bullplop, bullbutter, horseshit, bovine stool) is a common American English expletive which may be shortened to the euphemism bull or the initialism B.S. Wiki goes on to say, As with many expletives, it can be used as an interjection or as many other parts of, and can carry a wide variety of meanings. Most commonly, it is used in connection with incorrect, misleading, or false language and statements. While the word is generally used in a deprecating sense, it may imply a measure of respect for language skills, or frivolity, among various other benign usages. Hummmmm. Anyone who has researched bull shit knows that field received a tremendous boost from the pioneering work of Harry G. Frankfurt, his seminal theses did however open up more questions than they answered. Harry’s essay, “On Bullshit” is an in-depth examination, at the philosophical level, of bullshit and bull shitter’s and the seemingly more bold faced liars and which is more detrimental to our world.

Now there is a follow-up to that 1980’s treatise, it is “Bullshit and Philosophy” and I am reading it right now. In this follow up some of the most highly trained intellects of our time critique old Harry and take the discourse beyond anything he could imagine. Bullshit and Philosophy has new contributions to the conversation that were previously left not there. I did pull one definition of Bullshit that I thought perfect for making my point about this environmental disaster. “Bullshit is commonly used to describe statements made by people more concerned with the response of the audience than in truth and accuracy, such as goal-oriented statements made in the field of politics or advertising”. There are several key points I find in that. Statements made by folks more concerned with the response of the audience than in truth and accuracy. I think I might prefer to be bold faced lied to than sold a freakin song and dance, I have more respect for a liar because he at least cares about the truth – cares that we do not find it. A Bullshitter does not care about the truth at all, they just sling whatever….. Bullshit they need to in order to advance their cause or issue. And, as the definition indicates, goal oriented statements that are being advertised to us. We are being treated like automatons by the powers to be, we are expected to buy into the line of bullshit we are being feed, just as we are to believe if we do not buy a particular toothpaste our teeth will fall out.

I am fascinated by bullshit, not just because I enjoy picking out the bullshitter amongst us but when you start to analyze bullshit at a philosophical level the conversation sparks a great interest for me. So, back to the oil spill, in my opinion bullshitters seek to convey a certain impression of themselves without being concerned about whether anything at all is true. Does that seem the least bit clear in recent times, say the last since April 22nd? I have heard nothing but bullshit from everyone trying to protect the hole, from BP, from the government, from the pundits, who think they know anything at all. It has been a continuous line of BS, they obviously are doing damage control, to protect themselves and their interests and I do not believe any of it has been true. Not the estimated number of barrels to the fact they told us the leak could not be stopped when they meant to say, we cant stop the leak with out loosing our investment in the hole. Over time the rules governing their end of the conversation have quietly been changing so that claims about truth and falsity are minimized to the point of irrelevancy.

Bullshit does not necessarily have to be a complete fabrication all the time, with only basic knowledge about a topic, bullshit is often used to make the audience believe that they know far more about the topic by feigning total certainty or making probable predictions. It is all filler, fodder and nonsense that is being spoon fed to us, waiting and hungry for a tidbit. I believe no matter how well the relevancies are explained or however relevant they may appear, they are still without data and intelligence and that kind of dialog is the quintessential definition of the verb "to bullshit”. They are all (my opinion) feigning concern and conviction that just through simple observation are bullshit on so many levels, this is what I like to call the industrial strength, commercial grade bullshit. It never ceased to amaze me the words coming out of the mouths of BP, the government and most talking heads, why are not many more of us calling BULLSHIT on them? I did read a funny little story on the onion that was pretty funny in one way and scary as hell in another way, here is a link to that story - http://www.theonion.com/articles/massive-flow-of-bullshit-continues-to-gush-from-bp,17564/

So that leads me to another question, why do we allow bull shitters to live among us? Why do we allow and in most cases condone the behavior? I at one time considered myself a master bull shitter but I really do not want that title anymore. I try to live my life being honest above all else, mainly because I am not smart enough to remember lies. I do not want to be lumped into the group of people who are perpetrating, what is see, as the LARGEST scam in the name of the black nectar we all need to survive. The only person I have heard on television mention our involvement in this catastrophe was Jimmy Buffet. I can not remember his exact words but he admitted we are all over consumers of the black gold and BP is out there because of our wants. I later learned he has a hotel he just opened on Pensacola Beach so his being out there with my dipshit governor (my opinion) telling folks to come on down and enjoy the beaches may have been motivated by other interests. Could my man Jimmy be a bull shitter, God I pray not and I will not investigate any further on him, I have to give him the benefit of the doubt on it.

So almost 2 months in we are starting to get the huge outswell of support for the area by way of our President, this calamity is going to wind up being more devastating than Katrina, the earthquake in Haiti and any of the other natural disasters of recent memory. The only difference, this was caused by someone other than Mother Nature, who is exempt from prosecution. There is and are folks who are responsible and I am told they will be held to task, I hope and pray they are held accountable for the GROSS NEGLIGENCE. Meanwhile we need to do something to support the folks whose livelihood has been completely stopped. And I mean now, not when BP or the Government get around to paying out, I mean NOW! Call your state representatives now and raise hell, be a bull shitter if you must to force the mechanisms of big business and Government into action to help the folks that are hurting right now. Here is a link to all their phone numbers and email addresses http://conservativeusa.org/mega-cong.htm

Will our Presidents righteous indignation and best effort, 2 months late or not, make a difference, I hope and pray he can make that difference but I fear he too may just be a master bullshitter.

Boycott BP – yeah, like that will help? The Government is in control – yeah right why it is all bullshit and who is REALLY to blame!

Well, I can tell you right now that you and I are to blame, WHAT you might be saying but it is indeed you and I. We have found it very easy to blame British Petroleum and the Government and the folks who leased the rig that sank and the manufacturers of the broken blowout preventer and any other list of folks, EASY to blame them BUT………….. I ask that we back up a couple of steps first. What do you suppose they were doing out there in the first place? Why is there a company called BP? Why do we have an insatiable thirst for the black gold? Why, why and why. Well I am here to tell you why. It is because we want this and we want that and to manufacture this and that takes oil. I am not just talking about the obvious culprits such as gas and diesel, although transportation does takes the lions share, 66% of all oil goes to transportation of some kind. Another 25% goes to industry, to make things. The other 4%, 2% and 3% goes to residential, commercial and for electrical power generation. It is all about our hedonistic consumerism and that is why BP is out there – we want our goodies. We want the perfumes, the hand lotions and sanitizers, the bottled water and the Glade thingies that make the room smell good. We want the surgical gloves and the car tires, we want the synthetic fibers for clothes that breath and wick away moisture. We want it all AND these are the consequences of our self-indulgent ways and it has lead us to where we are now - an oil slick, literally the size of the gulf of Mexico.

Somehow, we can sit in righteous indignation that they have not stopped the leak, and there is enough of blame gaming everywhere ya look but never once have I heard a conversation about our addition to oil. In my opinion, it is short termed thinking by shortsighted people. We want that oil leak stopped but instead of filling that hole with cement to stop it we keep playing games with it, trying desperately to save the hole that provides the nectar that runs our country. It seems unfathomable to me that we are trying one thing at a time and waiting for it to fail before we pre-stage the plan B. If I were running that show I would have plan A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M and freaking N all moving at the same time. There would be no waiting ANOTHER week after another potential solution that failed magnificently before the next plan was in place, that would take minutes to go to the next plan. But NO we somehow are relying on BP and the Government to fix this, both of which have a HUGE vested interest in having that hole returned to usability. It would be akin to the turning over to the bullet manufacturers and the hunting license bureaus to stop hunting all together nationewide. They would be coming up with reason after reason and idea after idea to keep the hunters hunting while trying to bullshit rational people into believing they can not control the situation. They would have NO reason to stop and actual they would be de-incentivized to actually do so. You can begin to see how crazy this disaster is and how they are not really trying to stop the leak, they are trying to save the investment in the hole.

Who knows how many barrels of oil have spilled out, they do not have a clue and even amongst the “experts” they are only speculating. And really does it matter? It is REALLY bad and they need to get it under control now, whatever the costs – period. They should also be held accountable, to the families of the people who died and for all the people who lost their livelihood due to this disaster. They should reimburse municipalities for their loss and they should be reimburse the businesses that have been devastated by their GROSS negligence. One more thing that I do not care about is this, I do not care how much BP is paying to clean their mess up, I just don’t. I do not care today, I will not care tomorrow. It is their mess and if they go bankrupt cleaning up their mess so be it, oh wait a minute - are they going to be one of those companies that is too big to fail? Will the government bail them out, will they take them over? I hope the answer to both is NO. Why should they do either, well we are talking about oil so I would not be surprised to see it happen.



Is there really anyway to guarantee, 100% of the time, that the technology will never fail? I have been in the repair business for my whole life and there is one constant I have seen time and time again, without fail, is that everything will fail eventually. Let me say that again, EVERYTHING will fail eventually. There is absolutely no way that every single contingency can be covered, because there is no way to guarantee that the man made devices will work, every time all the time, it is a statistical impossibility - no damn way! So no matter how many contingency plans we build into any off shore drilling there will always be a chance of an accident, it is the whole risk versus reward thing and oil will win every time. The accident would not be on purpose, it would be an accident, but at that point it matters little, the freaking oil is gushing into our environment. The other down side of building in plans to cover all the known contingencies is that it will increase the costs of gas right along with the cost of all the things made with petroleum products and I do not know about you but I got no budge in my budget at all to cover those additional costs. You think we are pissed about the costs of gas now, imagine if each oil hole in the future has to have millions upon millions of dollars worth of equipment to prevent some litany of potential possible incidents. The oil companies are NOT going to eat that cost, we will - in the increased cost of the stuff we want to buy.

We can go on about they shoulda, they were supposed to and even the other folks were supposed to ensure this or that and it still matters little for the thousands of barrels of oil that have spewed into the Gulf of Mexico. We want our stuff and the government wants their stuff and the drillers want their stuff. We all want different things and we all have different reasons but it still boils down to everyone wanting stuff. Hell we even want our toothpaste to be sweet tasting so we add glycerin to get the taste – petroleum product. Our dependence on oil is INSANE. It dominates every part of our lives, every single part! Have we started car pooling more – NO, have we shifted to baking soda for cleaning our teeth – NO. We, as a society, have done NOTHING significant that would lead to removing our addiction to oil – NOTHING. What have we, as consumers, really done to cut our addition to oil, better yet what have you done, yeah – YOU? I am ashamed to admit that I myself have done little in this regard but this spill in the gulf has me evaluating and reevaluating the way I live my life and my actual impact on the world around me. Not in some superficial way, carbon footprints and the carbon trading seems to me a veiled attempt by an entire industry to scare us and make us feel bad about our usage of the earth’s resources. I am talking about meaningful change and that is hard for everyone.

We have to get control folks and I am not sure what that means anymore but I think it has to start with understanding what impact oil has on our lives and then we need to start looking at alternatives that require less dependence on any oil, let alone foreign oil. It will not be easy, our world revolves around being able to have everything we want, wherever we want it and whenever we want it. It will require personal sacrifice, not someone else but YOU and ME too. I don’t know what the answers are but doing nothing is no longer going to work for me. I do not know what the answer is, but boycotting BP is not it. That is, in my opinion, nothing but symbolism over substance and it will in the long run make NO difference, even if they go bankrupt some other oil company will buy them and the game will continue, boycotting is not the answer friends – controlling our appetites is what will bring an end to this craziness.

Have we (as a society) let the burdens of our lives harden our hearts to the suffering of humanity?

The other day I was in a park enjoying my lunch when someone less fortunate came up and asked me for some money. Most folks just automatically discount these lost human lives as bums or any of the myriad names I have heard assigned to them. NOT ME!! I have no idea what this man’s story was or what set of circumstances lead him to me on that day in a park and you know what, why should I care and who am I to judge? Like always, I try to give something. I had a couple bucks in cash, left over from the ten I broke for lunch so I gave him that. The very first person I told about this encounter said, “he is just going to go and buy beer or liquor with your money” I immediately said, how do you know that? “That is what they all do” was the response. I let it go because no amount of talking to this person, who I have known and respected for a number of years, is going to change their perspective, it did however change my perspective of them.

What a sad commentary that really is about us. For those who do not live in the city where folks sometimes live on the street you may have no experience with it but here in Jacksonville I think it is a bigger problem than we want to admit. I say bigger problem and some may immediately agree but wait before thinking that. I see it as a problem, a problem that our society has thrown these people away, living human beings, without even asking themselves, what happened to this less fortunate person that brought them to where they are when we run into them. I do not see it as a problem in that they may inconvenience some or make some feel uncomfortable at all, they do not make me feel that way. So why aren’t we looking at the problem from that direction? When I see someone on the street I wonder, what unfortunate situation in their life has placed them here? Was it the schools that failed them, was it their parents that failed them, if yes what happened to the parents, was it an abusive spouse – what could it have been.

Back to my friend’s response, ya know what - maybe that man needed a beer to drown away whatever sorrow was weighing on his heart. Have we not gotten home and decided we needed a glass of wine or a couple of beers or that neat scotch to sooth our souls from the day? Would we like someone judging us for that? I think not. Ya know what, if that man needed a beer to get through his day and to sooth his soul, why should I care and why should I judge? Still I may have helped him out, not in way our traditional society may approve us, drinking and smoking have been so demonized that we hardly approve of the practices for ourselves anymore. Anything in moderation is the tenant my Mom beat into our heads as children. I always give, if I have cash on me, to anyone less fortunate and I do so without judging and wondering what they are going to do with the money. If one were to try to put oneself in their shoes, which with the economy the way it is many have, imagine how hard that would be for you. Imagine the pressures of the day, imagine having to ask strangers for money. I say a silent prayer for each and every person who is on the street.

On the radio this morning I was listening to a country music station, OK I listen to country so what. Anyway, they got to going on about their opinions about giving some less fortunate person on the street money. I do not remember the exact words but it sank in all day and that it what caused me to ponder this nationwide problem and to write this blog in the first place. Are there some who are nothing but drunks and wino’s, sure but if I have to give to a million of them to get to that one person who really needs it – it was worth every penny I would have given.

I remember once I was going into a Little Champ, kind of like a 7 eleven or other convenience stores, and a woman who appeared to be homeless was standing by the newspaper box counting change. As I got out of my truck I could hear her muttering about something. I asked if she was OK, and she gave me the best answer I have received when asking that question. “I do not have enough for a 40, and I really need one and maybe two”. I was taken back by her response, that is not the kind of brutal honesty that I was accustomed to. I asked her what her poison was and she indicated Schlitz Malt liquor. I went on into the store and got my Mt. Dew and thought, I am going to help that woman out. Even though she did not ask me I bought her two 40’s of the bull and when I went outside, she was still counting change, I handed her the bag and said “on me”. She thanked me and on my way I went, feeling better about myself and with a renewed optimism about being able to effectively communicate the simple truth. I need a 40, how much more honest an answer can there be. I wish we, in our society, could just tell the simple truth more, without all the political correctness and without the shade that our jaded eyes provide.

So, I ask that the next time someone asks you for change or you see someone with the sign “will work for food” give them some change and leave your prejudices aside for a while and smile knowing that you helped someone out, in whatever they needed, not what you think they needed.

Love and Marriage – with a lifetime into it.

So there I was the other morning having breakfast on Saturday morning with my friend Robert, a nearly 20 year tradition. When we arrived, an older couple are sitting by the window having breakfast. I have seen them here before at Nicklyn’s Café, not every Saturday but enough that I remember them. Him, with his Florida Seminoles hat and her, with those odd looking glasses. I say odd, they are not really that odd but that is what comes to my mind when I see her, odd glasses. Anyway, he always holds the door open for her, but I wonder if it is rote or is it still that he loves her and he wants to hold that door? They order and he always pays, seems a pretty traditional couple, seemingly still in love with each other. Seemingly you say??? Why say that, well that is what initiated this blog, which coupled with watching the movie “It’s Complicated” last night with Bride got me to pondering love and marriage.

When I first met Bride she was still married, it appeared happily. We were stationed at the same little base in Annapolis Maryland, me fixing broken electronic gadgets and her working for the base commander. It was not long before she was moving into the barracks, by herself. It was a very small base and just like in very small towns everyone know everything that is going on. I remember her first trip into the barracks I held the door open for her, the first of many of those. Well this lead to that, she was legally separated and then finally divorced. There was not much to do on that base so a group of us became good friends along the way. Well after a awhile she was actively pursuing me for a date, OK it could have been me groveling at her feet for a date, I can’t remember which it was exactly but we did finally start dating and that was 22 years ago. Anyway, about the dating, I remember us being out to eat and people watching, we could tell who was on a date, who was married and who was married a long time.

We talked about how some folks who were married could, somehow, make it through a whole meal without talking to each other. We were both amazed that such a thing could happen, why stay married if you can’t muster a few nice words over a good meal, hell any words really. We made a commitment then to never let that happen to us, and it seems that, at least so far, we have not let that happen. We still have things to talk about with each other and we still enjoy each other’s company. We have fallen into what most would call a traditional marriage, she does the traditional wife chores and I do the traditional husband work. There are some exceptions but for the most part it is pretty normal, whatever normal means. We still want, and do things for the other one, not because it is rote and expected but because we still are crazy in love with each other. She does not have to put gas in her car, I always hated seeing a woman pumping gas. I do not have to do laundry or clean bathrooms. I open doors, including her car door when we go out. It just seems right to me and I hate seeing a couple at the gas station where the guy is the passenger and he doesn’t move as his female companion opens the doors, pays for and pumps the gas and then runs in to get a treat for Mr. Lazy, inconsiderate ass.

So back to this couple in Nicklyn’s café, so there they sit enjoying scrambled eggs and bacon, it appeared they both had ordered the same items from the menu. Anyway, the whole time I was watching I saw them say maybe a dozen words to each other. None of those words touched on the subject of the nearly whole egg that was stuck to his cheek with the cheese that came on the eggs. So that got me to wondering, was she messing with him but not telling him or had their marriage deteriorated to the point that his Bride would not even tell him he was having breakfast with half of it on his face. I was sad watching it and tried to put Bride and I in that situation, I could not imagine it. She might do something like that for the amusement value but I do not suspect that she would let it go on for the whole meal. Even though we came in after them we finished first and were sitting outside when they completed their breakfast. He did hold the door for her, in what appeared a kindly way. But on the way to the car it became obvious that it door holding was an automatic and had become rote for him. How you might ask did I deduce that, well he did not even open her door or assist her into the car. Nope he walked right over and got in, she had some issues getting in that took her I bet an additional minute to get into the car, he just started the car and stared forward. Wow is all I could come up with in my mind.

So then last night we watch the movie, It’s Complicated. If you have not seen it the story is about a divorced couple who one of which is married to the woman he was cheating with to initiate the divorce. Anyway, she and her ex get together and start having an affair, he is now still married to the mistress he left her for. It’s complicated should have been called “I am a cheating dog and can not keep my %*%& in my pants so I am incapable of having an honest and truthful relationship”. It was an amusing movie but it was still about a cheating dog of a man, portrayed by Alec Baldwin. Being a child of divorce, I had decided in my younger days that I would NEVER stay in a relationship that was not what it once was. Life is WAY too short to stay with someone who is not as committed to you as you are to them.

So, I still hold the doors and all the rest, not because I have to but because I want to. And Bride still does the myriad things that she does for me, and I am not the easiest man to tolerate either so I know she loves me. So we are committed (and you have to be committed) to never letting our relationship slowly deteriorate into anything other than the two of us loving each other like crazy, I love her like crazy! So friends it seems there is a simple formula, keep on loving your spouse and treating them just like you did when you were just dating!

An analog man living, and working, in a digital world that is OUT of control

So for those who know me, you know that I work in a technology based business, one that includes delivering content to users. It is an impossible task to keep up with the myriad new digital interface gadgets that arrive daily. That makes my job challenging at best and at worse possibly a fool errand. I find, that for my personal life, I am more and more NOT wanting to be connected, plugged in or whatever the latest term is. I am an analog man living in a digital hell and I ponder sometimes what is driving this mad dash to “be connected” via broadband or via 3 or 4g mobile networks. It all leaves me asking – WHY. Why do I need 18megabits of download speed from my cable internet provider? Why do I need a portable gadget that tethers me to work and the rest of the world? Why do we feel the need to have the, most often, superficial relationships via the social media thing? WHY, WHY and WHY? Let me make no bones, I have all these crazy things but I still have to ask, WHY?

I know and recognize the advantages of being connected, I really do. BUT, I am just not sure I want to be that connected. It forces us to deal with the “noise” of everyone else’s life all the time, where is the “me time”? I think it is important to have “me time”, that time we spend without being connected and just being at one with our thoughts, our dreams, our ambitions and all the rest of ourselves. Self evaluation is one of the most important life tools I have to keep myself grounded. I have a hard time keeping all that straight when I have a tweet here or an update there or a text here or even a call there. I know we hear a lot about multi-tasking, at work and in our personal lives. Well let me tell ya friends, it is bullshit, let me say that again, multi-tasking is BULLSHIT! There have even been studies using new and improved brain mapping technology that proves that our evolutionary capabilities have not caught up, two things max and each suffer when there are only two tasks trying to be done at the same time. When we start adding more and it all falls apart completely, a superficial attempt to trick ourselves into getting it all done.

I would rather do one thing at a time, and do it well than do 8 things poorly all at the same time. I have several hobbies, woodworking and jalopy fixing among others. Now trust me when I am running a stick of Bolivian Rosewood through the 5 hp table saw (that is enough to rip my body to shreds) the last thing I am going to want to care about is what in the hell someone’s happiness percentage is on FaceBook. That work requires a singular focus, not only for the safety concerns but to create master pieces in wood you have to be one with the lumber. That is a plain and simple fact. To truly be good at something there are some ingredients that must be present. First and foremost there is a love of the task, whatever it is – work or personal. Second there are some skills needed, usually developed over years of instruction and practice. Third is focus, focus while completing the tasks necessary to complete the work. We do not think about step 8 until we have completed step 7, not step 1. Think about it, are you worried about the paint job on the jalopy while you are rebuilding the motor, NOPE. You are, or should be, worried about the bearing clearances, torque specs and whether the proper lubricant are being used in the proper area. None of which has anything to do with paint.

I drive a 52 year car for many reasons but mostly because I can work on it, and do. I enjoy working on it, I like being on my back slid under working on whatever might need some attention. I do not give a damn who is on the phone if my hands are greasy and I am in the middle of getting the transmission cross member bolts back in without cross threading them. I am not sliding out to get that call, and if you let it ring through to voicemail and then, immediately call me AGAIN – give it up I ain’t even calling your ass back! I also like driving a 52 year old car because I see it as analogous to my life, an old jalopy with ZERO electronics (and zero interest in having any fancy gadgetry) living in a world where some cars can park themselves or keep themselves from flipping over. Cars that park themselves – really, we need that? WHY? A better question really is how much extra did that cost and how much will it cost to repair and why did your lazy ass not skip on that option and donate that money to a charity of your choosing. It is a car for petes sake.

I do not suppose I will ever make it but I have a life goal to never send a text message, I can not even find on my cellular gadget where to read them if you send them to me. Not because I CAN not figure it out, but because I DO not want to figure it out. I am computer savvy, I started repairing them in 1985 and I enjoy what they offer to me, I just will not allow them to take over my life. Our society has been slowly brainwashing us to believe that we must have the latest and greatest gadgets. I understand it and I know that Moore’s law is driving the bus, from hardware development to software development, all looking for the killer app. Do not get me wrong, I recognize the advantages we have now over 25 years ago but at some point we have to look at our selves and our lives and make the call. Addiction is a terrible thing, whether it be to drugs or alcohol or to the damn gadgets that have taken over our world. I saw a piece on the news the other day where they deprived college kids of their connections to the world and the results were catastrophic, they crumbled. That my friends, is SCARY.

So I ask that you put your gadgets away and turn off your computer and go out side and play and when you get tired find a big old tree and sit under and stare at the clouds and just think, quietly, about your life and the things that are truly important to you. I bet you find that your gadgets and your connections are not on the list.

Bacon chicken (alleged) sandwiches and cars that park themselves – WTF is going on it our world?

So there I am the other day watching the Boob Tube and I see a commercial for a sandwich from KFC that is a bacon sandwich that uses 2 chicken breasts instead of bread. What genius dreamed this damn thing up? We wonder why we (as a nation) are so fat well let me tell ya friends bacon sandwiches that use fried chicken breasts might just maybe have something to do with it. It is called the “Double Down Sandwich” and it is new. I just can not get my head around this sandwich, I guess people didn’t like the taste of the “unfried side of KFC” or maybe the folks who are trying to eat healthy are NOT at any of the chain food shops.  Seriously, look at this damn thing!

Come on though, who really dreamed this freaking thing up? No offense but I bet it was a big assed fat guy who eats these little gems like a normal person might eat White Castles. You have to agree that this the most insane “sandwich” you have ever seen and I use the word Sandwich very loosely. In my world a sandwich contains something in the middle, bacon and chicken perhaps and that is surrounded by bread. A fried chicken patty, 2 slices of cheese, 2 slices of bacon, and another fried chicken patty does not a sandwich make. My mind is boggled, I am perplexed and do not understand at all, this Double Down Sandwich. The funniest part, to me anyway, is that I could find this sandwich as part of the “Unthink KFC” menu, which was previously understood to be for the somewhat healthier - grilled chicken meals.

I also read where nutritionists are horrified, dare they say it, Horrified, by the launch of the fat bomb in a country where two-thirds of the population is overweight or obese. KFC insists that the sandwich contains, get this, only 540 calories, 32 grams of fat and 1,380 milligrams of sodium for the fried version. The grilled version is A LOT better at 460 calories, 23 grams of fat and 1,430 milligrams of sodium. That is more fat and sodium than I consume in a normal day and suspect I may immediately go into anaphylactic shock just by opening the container that this oddity comes in. I truly did not believe my eyes when I saw the commercial, I thought for sure I was watching a spoof of something else, nope this freaking thing is for real.

KFC my ass! I remember when they changed the name from Kentucky Fried Chicken to KFC, in what I thought was an attempt to steer away from so openly presenting fried chicken. There must be new management at corporate in what used to be the Colonel’s chicken place. There is NO WAY IN HELL that a sandwich like this would have made the menu when Harlan Sanders was alive. Funny inside story that is kind of related. My Mom used to work for a company that did testing of food products and the fast food places were amongst their biggest customers. Within a week of Mr. Sanders dying KFC, as it is now called, stopped all testing that was performed at the company where my Mom worked, sighting cost as the main factor in stopping the testing. That was the last time I have ever eaten at a Kentucky Fried Chicken shop and now with this asinine fat bomb on the menu it has reaffirmed that decision I made all those years ago. And that is all I have to say about that!

And again, here I was watching the Boob Tube and saw yet another commercial for something else I just can not get my head around. A car that will parallel park, all by itself! I need to turn that damn thing off and pretend to live in a cave because I think I would be better off not knowing what our world has come to and how it is shown to us on TV. Has it come to the point we are so freaking fat from the crazy assed food we eat that we can not crane our necks around to park our cars? This falls into the category of just because we CAN do a thing (have a car park itself) it does not mean that we have to do that thing. Evidently Parallel parking is such an ordeal for so many drivers that we are UNABLE to get into a parking space cities we live, we are forced, forced mind ya to squeeze our cars into tiny spaces, they say it is a vital skill. Evidently not for us, hell we will program our car to do it for our lazy asses!

I read that Automakers are starting to market self-parking cars because they sense a consumer demand. They say that parallel parking is often the most feared part of the driver's test, and it's something almost everyone has to do at some point. Folks who live in the cities may have to do it every day and they feel that to remove the difficulty, stress and uncertainty of this chore is very appealing to consumers. Studies have shown that self-parking cars can also help to solve some of the parking and traffic problems in dense urban areas. They say that parking a car in a space is restricted by the driver's skill at parallel parking, makes me say…… hummmm wasn’t it Darwin who said something about survival of fittest? Don’t know how to park, drive around the block and look for an easy place to park. Evidently a self-parking car can fit into smaller spaces than most drivers can manage on their own. Hummm does that maybe say something about the gas guzzling leviathans we tool around in, if you can not park it you should not own it – maybe, right?

While the self parking cares available today are not completely autonomous they will be soon, trust me. Just what we need, no more back seat drivers but a car that will just take over operations when it thinks you are beyond your capabilities – GREAT. This is another reason I drive a 50+ year old jalopy, nothing going to take control of that car, except me. Being a gadget head I know there has to be some sensors on these cars to allow them to perform this modern miracle. Also being a gadget head I know that sensors go bad, not always in a way that they quit completely. What happens when your car is parking and a sensor fails and it stomps the gas because it thinks, for whatever reason, that you have plenty of room and you smash headlong into the Ferrari sitting in front of you? I am not sure what technologies this self parking car uses but I assume there is more than one magic trick in play here. I would imagine there is come optical recognition coupled with range finding lasers or some other means but think about that, this is your car not your PC. If you computer crashes you may loose an important email or document you have been working on. If the computer on your car crashes what happens to the woman pushing her stroller through the same spot your car is trying to park in? What then?

I want to bypass this simpleton crap about cars parking themselves and move directly, without passing go and without collecting 200 dollars, to George Freaking Jetson’s car. Hell the cars they were flying around in carried old George, his wife Jane and that damn geek Elroy and slut Judy as well as that crazy dog Astro around in unimaginable safety. That is the car I want damn it, and I do not want to go through the evolutionary process to get there – someone please make me THAT damn car now!  Look at this thing, parking itself goes without saying! 

Well that is all I have to say about that as well. Come on folks, what has happened to us as a country that we can be eating a fat bomb sandwich, with both hands, while our freaking car parks itself?